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“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in relationship challenges (4)

Saturday
Feb132016

How to Keep Your Relationship Thriving through Change?

You feel good about your spouse. The two of you have worked through some issues and are in a comfortable place. Conflict is at a minimum and your communication seems to be okay. Then one day your wife comes home and tells you she is pregnant. While you are both excited with the thought of starting a family, you silently worry about the future. Your company is not doing all that well and you are hearing rumors about lay-offs. Your wife is so excited about the baby that she begins to talk about all the plans she has for remodeling the house and buying things for the baby. Somewhere in the third trimester, she comes home and says she really wants to quit her job once the baby is born and stay at home.

And thus, a whole new world of tension and conflict ensues.

You begin to get angry. You don’t understand why your wife does not appreciate the pressures you are having at work and the insecurity of the job. You fight with your wife about every single purchase she makes for the baby and adamantly refuse to consider any remodeling of the house. Instead of seeing your wife as the loving partner she once was, you now start to see another side to her. Someone who wants what she wants no matter how much money is in the bank—a person who is not in touch with reality. A capricious woman who does not appreciate your circumstances. You are torn between wanting to be a good husband and father with the fear that you will be unable to provide what is needed. You secretly resent your wife and the baby for putting you this situation—a place of feeling inadequate and incompetent.

Your wife does not understand your anger. She is so excited about becoming a mother and desperately wants to be home with the baby. She resents your controlling attitude and resistance to what she feels would be the best for the baby. She wishes you would have a “can do” attitude and reassure her that you will do what it takes to financially provide for the family until she feels ready to go back to work. The more you communicate your disapproval and resistance to her ideas, the more she finds a way to make you feel guilty and inadequate.

And thus, the dance of disappointment and resentment begins.

Major changes will test your relationship and marriage. Changes create uncertainty, loss and anxious anticipation. Roles, identities, needs and resources are challenged and a new way of being is required. During major times change it is important to honor the process—everyone will deal with the loss of the old and transitioning to the new in their own way and time. And if a couple has opposing needs and coping strategies, then going through the change together will create even more tension. Don’t be surprised if you discover aspects of your mate (and yourself) that you didn’t see before. With every new challenge that life brings us, so does the opportunity to learn something new about ourselves and the people we love.

Change always includes the opportunity to grow together.

Here are some things to consider as you and your significant other traverse the rocky landscape of change.

  1. Remember that you are both experiencing some form of loss. The loss of a way of life, an identity, a sense of security, money, a relationship, or a loved one (if the change involves a death). Be kind and gentle with each other and give each other the space to grieve the old way of being (even if the change is positive).
  2. Don’t get too attached to how you think things should work out. Everyone has a picture or fantasy about how life should look on the other side of change. Trying to “make” this happen is what causes unnecessary turmoil. Be open to allowing the “new” to emerge in its own time and way. Be open to how things will look as you both influence the journey together.
  3. Give each other a “pass” every now and then. When people are scared or hurting, sometimes they handle it with grace and sometimes not. Instead of getting defensive or striking back, ask more questions so you can learn more about your spouses’ fears rather than insisting they see things your way.
  4. Keep the communication open. Talk about what is really going on and why you are feeling the way you do. Listen to the same from your spouse. This is a time to be a generous listener and really understand your partner in life. Practice understanding, empathy and acceptance. Practice this again and again.
  5. Be creative in your problem-solving. With major change comes lots of issues to figure out and problems to solve. Once you both feel heard and understood, the problem-solving happens with more ease. You are more likely to find solutions that work for both of you.

Remember, change will keep coming. You can’t stop it. Take advantage of the opportunity to strengthen your relationship and grow together. Remember you are on the same side. Support each other’s concerns. You will get through it—you simply have no other choice.

If you and your spouse (or significant other) are going through a major life change, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Be well,

Julie

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Sunday
Dec292013

Taking Time To Reflect on Past, Present and Future

As we get closer to the end of the year, this is the time we naturally reflect back on what occurred during the past year and what we want in the year to come. I personally love this ritual and think it is so important that you engage in this as well. Whether you use your birthday, a major life event, your favorite time of year, or the more traditional New Year's celebration, doesn't matter to me--just as long as you take some time every year to reflect on what has been, what is, and what you'd like to create here on out.

To help you with this process, I've provided some guiding questions and sample responses. I've also given you two guiding activities to anchor the experience.

First, ask yourself the following: 

Click Read in Browser to access full exercise.

P.S. Don't forget to take advantage of my holiday special—the gift that keeps on giving every day of every year. Order your copy of The Pathway to Love at-home program for 30% off and begin to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life today. Give yourself (and the people in your life that count) the gift of love and relationships. You deserve it!  Order Now!

Offer good until Friday January 3rd

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Sunday
Jun162013

Is Your Spouse Your Roommate or Your Lover?

You can't believe it's summer already. Another school year has gone by. You are trying to decide where to go on vacation and any idea you have seems like a lot of effort. If you're really honest, the idea of a family vacation seems exhausting. Taking a long weekend away by yourself sounds so much more enticing. You look across the kitchen table at your husband. He is busy writing out checks and reminds you that he will be working late next week so you will need to pick up the kids from their various afternoon activities.

Things are comfortable between the two of you. After all, you’ve been married for almost two decades. The household runs smoothly. The kids' needs are taken care of. But you realize that you and your husband have settled into a life together that feels more like roommates and less like lovers. Over the years your sex life has slowly withered away to an early morning quickie every other month or so.  You think back on the days when your sex life was good. You made an effort to wear sexy lingerie—he made an effort to seduce you in the ways you liked—you both made an effort to mix it up and have fun. Now it seems like passion is the last thing on your minds, settling instead for a comfy night on the couch watching TV until it's time to get some sleep. And while you still have warm feelings for your spouse, that flame seems almost extinguished. Tonight as you sit across from your husband, you feel lonely, longing to reignite some passion—longing to look at him as your lover, once again.

If this scenario sounds familiar, you are not alone. Many couples after some years have gone by, or when the kids have moved out, look at each other as if they were compatible roommates. And for many, there comes a time when that comfort level is no longer acceptable. Couples hit a cross road every few years and for most couples, this cross road will be met at least once, if not more, throughout the lifetime of their relationship.

If you are experiencing the roommate blues, here are five things you can do to bring passion back into your relationship. Click Read in Browser to access full article

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Friday
Apr272012

Dealing with relationship challenges when someone becomes ill?

It is inevitable. At one point in time your loved one will become ill. You will become ill. This could be a short-term illness, an injury that will take time to heal, a chronic illness that needs to be managed over a lifetime, or a life-threatening disease. When someone gets ill, your relationship is immediately challenged. Some of these challenges include... ... Long-term and life-threatening illnesses and injuries require a strategy for healing and well-being. Here are some guidelines and tips to consider as you make necessary adjustments to the new circumstances in your lives...

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