What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in marital therapy (5)

Saturday
Feb132016

How to Keep Your Relationship Thriving through Change?

You feel good about your spouse. The two of you have worked through some issues and are in a comfortable place. Conflict is at a minimum and your communication seems to be okay. Then one day your wife comes home and tells you she is pregnant. While you are both excited with the thought of starting a family, you silently worry about the future. Your company is not doing all that well and you are hearing rumors about lay-offs. Your wife is so excited about the baby that she begins to talk about all the plans she has for remodeling the house and buying things for the baby. Somewhere in the third trimester, she comes home and says she really wants to quit her job once the baby is born and stay at home.

And thus, a whole new world of tension and conflict ensues.

You begin to get angry. You don’t understand why your wife does not appreciate the pressures you are having at work and the insecurity of the job. You fight with your wife about every single purchase she makes for the baby and adamantly refuse to consider any remodeling of the house. Instead of seeing your wife as the loving partner she once was, you now start to see another side to her. Someone who wants what she wants no matter how much money is in the bank—a person who is not in touch with reality. A capricious woman who does not appreciate your circumstances. You are torn between wanting to be a good husband and father with the fear that you will be unable to provide what is needed. You secretly resent your wife and the baby for putting you this situation—a place of feeling inadequate and incompetent.

Your wife does not understand your anger. She is so excited about becoming a mother and desperately wants to be home with the baby. She resents your controlling attitude and resistance to what she feels would be the best for the baby. She wishes you would have a “can do” attitude and reassure her that you will do what it takes to financially provide for the family until she feels ready to go back to work. The more you communicate your disapproval and resistance to her ideas, the more she finds a way to make you feel guilty and inadequate.

And thus, the dance of disappointment and resentment begins.

Major changes will test your relationship and marriage. Changes create uncertainty, loss and anxious anticipation. Roles, identities, needs and resources are challenged and a new way of being is required. During major times change it is important to honor the process—everyone will deal with the loss of the old and transitioning to the new in their own way and time. And if a couple has opposing needs and coping strategies, then going through the change together will create even more tension. Don’t be surprised if you discover aspects of your mate (and yourself) that you didn’t see before. With every new challenge that life brings us, so does the opportunity to learn something new about ourselves and the people we love.

Change always includes the opportunity to grow together.

Here are some things to consider as you and your significant other traverse the rocky landscape of change.

  1. Remember that you are both experiencing some form of loss. The loss of a way of life, an identity, a sense of security, money, a relationship, or a loved one (if the change involves a death). Be kind and gentle with each other and give each other the space to grieve the old way of being (even if the change is positive).
  2. Don’t get too attached to how you think things should work out. Everyone has a picture or fantasy about how life should look on the other side of change. Trying to “make” this happen is what causes unnecessary turmoil. Be open to allowing the “new” to emerge in its own time and way. Be open to how things will look as you both influence the journey together.
  3. Give each other a “pass” every now and then. When people are scared or hurting, sometimes they handle it with grace and sometimes not. Instead of getting defensive or striking back, ask more questions so you can learn more about your spouses’ fears rather than insisting they see things your way.
  4. Keep the communication open. Talk about what is really going on and why you are feeling the way you do. Listen to the same from your spouse. This is a time to be a generous listener and really understand your partner in life. Practice understanding, empathy and acceptance. Practice this again and again.
  5. Be creative in your problem-solving. With major change comes lots of issues to figure out and problems to solve. Once you both feel heard and understood, the problem-solving happens with more ease. You are more likely to find solutions that work for both of you.

Remember, change will keep coming. You can’t stop it. Take advantage of the opportunity to strengthen your relationship and grow together. Remember you are on the same side. Support each other’s concerns. You will get through it—you simply have no other choice.

If you and your spouse (or significant other) are going through a major life change, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Be well,

Julie

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Sunday
Dec202015

7 Questions to Ask Yourself at This Time of Year

The holiday season is a great time for reflection. It is a time to look back on all your challenges and accomplishments in the past year. It is also a good time to connect and reconnect with those people you love. And, it is the time to reflect on those relationships, decisions and life choices that need reconsideration.

Here are some guiding questions to help you with the process.

  1. Do the people I love and value know how much I love and value them? If not, what can I do to make sure that happens?
  2. Am I dedicating enough time and energy to those things in my life that I value? If not, what changes can I make to create more alignment between my values/passions and time/energy spent?
  3. Are there relationships and life choices which are no longer working for me? If so, what can I do to let go of what is not working and work toward creating what will?
  4. Do I have the courage to make the changes I need to create a life filled with purpose, passion and contribution to others? If not, what resources can I draw from to help me live life more courageously?
  5. What support system to I need to create in order to make powerful choices and take action?
  6. How can I continue to grow and heal? Do I need to get help in order to do so? Remember, we can’t always do it alone.
  7. Am I committed to creating transformational relationships? If so, what do I have in place that helps keep my commitment and momentum alive?

Take the time over the holidays to reflect. Be open to what you discover. And remember, I’m here to help you create the life you choose.

Wishing you a wonderful holiday season and a safe and happy New Year.

Julie

P.S. I will be taking some time off to reflect and restore as well. I will be away from the office until Monday January 4th.

P.S.S. If you or someone you know needs help with creating strong and intimate relationships as well as a life that feels fulfilling, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Sunday
Aug112013

Do I Stay or Do I Leave? When to Call it Quits 

You've been unhappy in your relationship for some time. You and your significant other have argued, negotiated and retreated in your attempts to navigate the differences between you.  You've tried counseling but you found that you were the only one interested in making a change. In the end, you've come to the conclusion that you and your partner are simply not a good match. As painful as it is, your love for your mate is faltering and you can no longer accept things as they are. You long for a different kind of relationship and are unwilling to settle for anything less. You've let go of any hope for anything better--you've worked through your last ounce of resistance to letting go.  You tell yourself that tonight you will tell your partner that you want to end the relationship. 

Making the final decision to end a relationship is not easy. Typically, it takes time, a lot of pain and multiple attempts to make things better before accepting that the relationship is no longer working. Some people struggle endlessly, prolonging the agonizing decision much longer than is necessary. Others may jump ship too quickly, accepting defeat before they've given the effort and time necessary to fix what feels broken. It is hard to know when to call it quits. It's hard to give up on someone you love, a relationship you value and the hope that this would be the one to last a lifetime.

To help those of you that are currently wrestling with the dilemma of "Do I stay or do I go?"--here are some guidelines to help you figure out when to call it quits and when to hang in there and give it one more try. 

Read the important article in its entirety - Click Read in Browser

FYI- As you may have already heard, Gmail is rolling out some new features to automatically filter your email messages for you (this also applies if you use Google Apps for your business email address!).

Gmail is phasing in a new "tabbed inbox" system. You may have already seen it in your inbox if you use Gmail. If not, you'll see it soon. Google is rolling the new system out to users overtime. They've split your inbox into 5 separate inboxes and created tabs across the top labeling each "Primary, Social, Promotions, Updates and Forums".

My emails to you will most likely fall under promotions. To ensure that you get the information you want from me, here’s what you can do.

Option 1:

1 - Click on the Promotions inbox tab.

2 - Drag any emails from people you want to hear from and drop them onto the tab that says “Primary.” Then, when it asks if you want future emails to go into your Primary inbox, just click yes.

For the next few weeks, as Gmail phases these new tabbed inboxes in, be sure to check your Promotions inbox to make sure nothing else you really want is getting caught (and lost) in it.

Option 2:   If you want to completely remove these new tabs - go to the Settings box in the upper right hand corner of your inbox and select "Settings." Click on the "Inbox" tab and unselect all categories but "Primary" (don't forget to save your changes).

I hope this information is helpful to you. Thanks in advance for making sure we can stay connected!

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Sunday
Jun162013

Is Your Spouse Your Roommate or Your Lover?

You can't believe it's summer already. Another school year has gone by. You are trying to decide where to go on vacation and any idea you have seems like a lot of effort. If you're really honest, the idea of a family vacation seems exhausting. Taking a long weekend away by yourself sounds so much more enticing. You look across the kitchen table at your husband. He is busy writing out checks and reminds you that he will be working late next week so you will need to pick up the kids from their various afternoon activities.

Things are comfortable between the two of you. After all, you’ve been married for almost two decades. The household runs smoothly. The kids' needs are taken care of. But you realize that you and your husband have settled into a life together that feels more like roommates and less like lovers. Over the years your sex life has slowly withered away to an early morning quickie every other month or so.  You think back on the days when your sex life was good. You made an effort to wear sexy lingerie—he made an effort to seduce you in the ways you liked—you both made an effort to mix it up and have fun. Now it seems like passion is the last thing on your minds, settling instead for a comfy night on the couch watching TV until it's time to get some sleep. And while you still have warm feelings for your spouse, that flame seems almost extinguished. Tonight as you sit across from your husband, you feel lonely, longing to reignite some passion—longing to look at him as your lover, once again.

If this scenario sounds familiar, you are not alone. Many couples after some years have gone by, or when the kids have moved out, look at each other as if they were compatible roommates. And for many, there comes a time when that comfort level is no longer acceptable. Couples hit a cross road every few years and for most couples, this cross road will be met at least once, if not more, throughout the lifetime of their relationship.

If you are experiencing the roommate blues, here are five things you can do to bring passion back into your relationship. Click Read in Browser to access full article

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Sunday
Jan272013

7 Reasons to Acknowledge Anniversaries

Anniversaries are important milestones in every relationship. Whether it’s the one year mark since your first date or your 10th wedding anniversary, acknowledging and celebrating these annual milestones are more important than you think. Here are seven reasons why... Don’t forget to join me for my LIVE Create Your Pathway to Love Workshop on February 23, 9am-1pm in Hermosa Beach, California. For more information and to register, go to www.yourpathwaytolove.eventbrite.com.

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