What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in love and intimacy (8)

Saturday
Feb132016

How to Keep Your Relationship Thriving through Change?

You feel good about your spouse. The two of you have worked through some issues and are in a comfortable place. Conflict is at a minimum and your communication seems to be okay. Then one day your wife comes home and tells you she is pregnant. While you are both excited with the thought of starting a family, you silently worry about the future. Your company is not doing all that well and you are hearing rumors about lay-offs. Your wife is so excited about the baby that she begins to talk about all the plans she has for remodeling the house and buying things for the baby. Somewhere in the third trimester, she comes home and says she really wants to quit her job once the baby is born and stay at home.

And thus, a whole new world of tension and conflict ensues.

You begin to get angry. You don’t understand why your wife does not appreciate the pressures you are having at work and the insecurity of the job. You fight with your wife about every single purchase she makes for the baby and adamantly refuse to consider any remodeling of the house. Instead of seeing your wife as the loving partner she once was, you now start to see another side to her. Someone who wants what she wants no matter how much money is in the bank—a person who is not in touch with reality. A capricious woman who does not appreciate your circumstances. You are torn between wanting to be a good husband and father with the fear that you will be unable to provide what is needed. You secretly resent your wife and the baby for putting you this situation—a place of feeling inadequate and incompetent.

Your wife does not understand your anger. She is so excited about becoming a mother and desperately wants to be home with the baby. She resents your controlling attitude and resistance to what she feels would be the best for the baby. She wishes you would have a “can do” attitude and reassure her that you will do what it takes to financially provide for the family until she feels ready to go back to work. The more you communicate your disapproval and resistance to her ideas, the more she finds a way to make you feel guilty and inadequate.

And thus, the dance of disappointment and resentment begins.

Major changes will test your relationship and marriage. Changes create uncertainty, loss and anxious anticipation. Roles, identities, needs and resources are challenged and a new way of being is required. During major times change it is important to honor the process—everyone will deal with the loss of the old and transitioning to the new in their own way and time. And if a couple has opposing needs and coping strategies, then going through the change together will create even more tension. Don’t be surprised if you discover aspects of your mate (and yourself) that you didn’t see before. With every new challenge that life brings us, so does the opportunity to learn something new about ourselves and the people we love.

Change always includes the opportunity to grow together.

Here are some things to consider as you and your significant other traverse the rocky landscape of change.

  1. Remember that you are both experiencing some form of loss. The loss of a way of life, an identity, a sense of security, money, a relationship, or a loved one (if the change involves a death). Be kind and gentle with each other and give each other the space to grieve the old way of being (even if the change is positive).
  2. Don’t get too attached to how you think things should work out. Everyone has a picture or fantasy about how life should look on the other side of change. Trying to “make” this happen is what causes unnecessary turmoil. Be open to allowing the “new” to emerge in its own time and way. Be open to how things will look as you both influence the journey together.
  3. Give each other a “pass” every now and then. When people are scared or hurting, sometimes they handle it with grace and sometimes not. Instead of getting defensive or striking back, ask more questions so you can learn more about your spouses’ fears rather than insisting they see things your way.
  4. Keep the communication open. Talk about what is really going on and why you are feeling the way you do. Listen to the same from your spouse. This is a time to be a generous listener and really understand your partner in life. Practice understanding, empathy and acceptance. Practice this again and again.
  5. Be creative in your problem-solving. With major change comes lots of issues to figure out and problems to solve. Once you both feel heard and understood, the problem-solving happens with more ease. You are more likely to find solutions that work for both of you.

Remember, change will keep coming. You can’t stop it. Take advantage of the opportunity to strengthen your relationship and grow together. Remember you are on the same side. Support each other’s concerns. You will get through it—you simply have no other choice.

If you and your spouse (or significant other) are going through a major life change, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Be well,

Julie

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Monday
Nov092015

Why Transformation?

Here's an excerpt from The Pathway to Love on the topic of change and transformation.

"The one thing in life we can count on is change. Evolution demands it. The laws of nature support it. This fact of life elicits both assurance and anxiety—anxiety for the lack of control and basic uncertainty, assurance in the fact that “this too, shall pass.”  On the one hand, human beings struggle with change. We resist. It frightens us. So when our relationships call for change and transformation, we react.

On the other hand, human beings are incredibly resilient and adaptable. We transcend crises and challenges all the time. We change when our circumstances demand this. We transform who we are in order to fulfill our potential. So when our relationships call for change and transformation, we respond."

       -The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships Through Self-Discovery - Part Three: Love and Transformation

Take some time this week to reflect on your calling for change and transformation. How do you respond? What are the risks? What are your opportunities?

Let me know what you discover!

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you would like more information on how to navigate through the four phases of a developing relationship, visit. www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love.  If you’d like more information on how to create the life you choose and work with me personally, please contact me or call 310-379-5855310-379-5855 to schedule a session.

Get the support you deserve. Get the help your relationship wants.

As always, I'm here to support you in creating strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life!

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Monday
Jul202015

A Good Relationship is not a Destination…

A good relationship is not a destination; a good relationship is a process.

We all want to “get there.” We want to put in the work and reap our rewards. We want someone to show us the way, give us the answers and somehow enable us to finally be happy.

Or so we think.

The truth is that a good relationship is process. It begins with becoming aware of who you are, understanding what makes your partner tick, and learning how to navigate the waters of being in relationship with each other. You never become an expert. You never totally get there. There is always more to learn. You will never be perfect at it.

I invite you to consider that you and your partner will stumble from time to time. I invite you to accept that a good relationship requires you to work at it. You can’t be complacent, lazy or take it for granted. You need to put your attention and efforts toward it. And you need to understand that even when you do this, you will never get that happy ending.

So what’s in it for you and yours?

When you commit to learning and living the process, you acquire a relationship muscle, a comfort level with understanding issues and breakdowns that occur within the relationship, and the confidence, know-how and courage to work through them with more ease and grace.

This is the destination. Learning the process, and then learning the process again and again.

The gift from doing so?

Personal power and freedom of choice. And a relationship based on mutual respect, love and intimacy. Go for it!

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know wants to learn the process of relationship building, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Saturday
May092015

Does Our Culture Support Transformational Relationships?

We live in an instant gratification and ‘me first’ culture now more than ever. We also live in a culture that spends more time in virtual spaces connecting with people in superficial ways than creating real relationships face to face. It has led to an increase in bullying, isolation and addiction. 

So when I ask myself the question "Does our culture support creating transformational relationships?" -- I look around and this is what I see. Forgive the cynic in me--she seems to be kicking feverously today.

I see…

  • Websites dedicated to promoting affairs, secrets and betrayals.
  • A porn industry dedicated to creating porn addiction at the expense of intimate connections and relating to real women in real ways
  • Social media where one can have hundreds and thousands of "friends."  I don't know about you but I have trouble maintaining close connections with the dozen or so really close friends around me.
  • An economy that requires two working parents to make ends meet. And for many families, it takes two parents working four jobs collectively to simply pay the rent and put food on the table.
  • A work ethic that does not support real work life balance and a society that believes the harder you work, the longer the workweek, the better you look to your boss. Somehow working yourself to death is a necessary rite of passage to getting a promotion.
  • Family time that now consists of people sitting at a booth at a local restaurant, all of whom are glued to their respective cell phones and not each other. And this now includes the adults at the table, not just the teenagers.
  • The ability to catalog shop for mates as opposed to meeting people through friends, school, work, places of worship and hobbies.

Let’s face it. We have more choices and less satisfaction and real meaning. I long for the days when life was slower, simpler, and less technology driven.

More marriages end in divorce than thrive with time. We are a throwaway society; we replace our electronic devices every four or five years either because they are broken or because we simply want the latest new gadget. It appears we treat our relationships accordingly.

So does our society support transformational relationships? I say no.

What can we do about it? Plenty.

Start with you and yours. Put the needs of your relationships first. Share your delight in doing so with your friends, family and children. Be transparent and pride yourself in your dedication to delaying gratification, demonstrating loyalty, slowing down your life, taking and making time for family and loved ones, understanding that you can't get everything you want when you want but by supporting your relationships first, at the end of the day, you are surrounded by love and belonging.

Let's create a new normal. Let's create a culture that supports transformational relationship. And let it start with us.

Thank you for taking this journey with me. I welcome your thoughts.

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you'd like more information on understanding what it takes to create a transformational relationship and navigate through the four phases of a developing relationship, visit www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love .  If you'd like more information on how to work with me personally, please contact me directly at julie@julieorlov.com or call 310-379-5855310-379-5855.

Get the support you deserve. Get the help your relationship wants.

As always, I'm here to support you in creating strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life!

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about 

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Wednesday
Nov122014

Find Out The Secret to Change and Transformation

"We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses." C.G. Jung

This quote reflects and reaffirms the heart of phase three in The Pathway to Love. Acceptance is an absolute pre-requisite for intimacy, healing and transformation.

Acceptance is what creates a sacred space. A sacred space is what creates a possibility for something new, different, deeper, more meaningful. It is through our acceptance that we find our way in, out, and through.

So next time you find yourself in a power struggle or at war with yourself or someone else, stop and ask yourself "What do I need to accept?"

Next time you find yourself impatient, frustrated, or wishing things were different, stop and ask yourself "How can I accept things as they are in this very moment?"

And finally, next time you find yourself berating yourself, stop and ask yourself "How can I demonstrate compassion, understanding and acceptance for myself?"

The answers lie within the space of acceptance. Once we accept ourselves, others, and circumstances for who and what they are, we unlock the key to knowing exactly what to choose and do next and who we want to become.

For more information on the four phases of a developing relationship, please visit www.JulieOrlov.com/pathway-to-love. If you are interested in scheduling a coaching or psychotherapy appointment, please call 310-379-5855 or 1-888-99PATHS.

As always, I am committed to helping you create strong and intimate relationships.

Be well,
Julie

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