What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in endings (6)

Friday
Jun132014

Beware of Buyer's Remorse 

There comes a time when you must choose. You must choose which college to attend, which house to buy, if you will get married and to whom, if you will take the new job, if you will buy that car. We are faced with making choices all the time. Most of our choices are relatively small--what do I want to have for dinner, which blouse will I wear today, which project will I work on, etc. However, from time to time we have big choices to make. Choices that have big implications. Choices that usually involve selecting from more than one option.

A funny thing happens when we are forced to "choose."  We become anxious, even obsessed with making the right choice. We struggle to consider all the factors involved with making that decision. For some, choosing something big, new and different is easy. For others, its painstaking. But for most everyone, there is a common phenomenon known as "Buyer's Remorse."

Buyer's remorse is that moment when you realize that what "was" is now gone. It's the moment when you realize there is no going back. The marriage is official, escrow has closed, the relationship has ended, you've quit the old job, you've begun your first day of college.

What is buyer's remorse really about? Why do we suddenly miss our old life? What is at stake when we let go of the past and move on to the future? Aren't we doing this all the time anyways?

To help you navigate through your big "choices," here are a few things to know when it comes to buyer's remorse.

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Wednesday
Mar262014

Coping with Endings: Three Must Do's in Times of Transition

Endings are hard. Even if you know that it is best for you to let go of a relationship, going through the process is painful. Here are three very important things to do in order to move through your loss with more power and ease.

  1. Settle into the sadness and loss. Don't try to minimize, deny, self-medicate or distract yourself from all the normal and natural feelings that arise when going through a loss. Sometimes people will run from the feelings simply because they're afraid that if the submit to them, they will drown in them. Please know that you will come out the other end. You will feel better in time. But you can't get to the other side without going through the hard part first. So feel your feelings and be patient and kind with yourself.
  2. Understand that during times of transitions you will feel lost, anxious and unsteady. This occurs in the in-between time from accepting the loss to finding a new normal. This entails feeling uncomfortable for a while. When you're in that in-between space, you need to understand that this is a necessary time to figure out who you are as a person without your ex, what you need to learn from having had that relationship and what you want to create in your next relationship. It takes time to feel comfortable in your own skin as a single person. The emptiness is pronounced. The more you can settle into this transitional time, the easier it will be for you to recognize lessons learned from the past and new opportunities that await you in your future. Don't rush this process. You will move through this in your own time and way. Be patient and get comfortable with the unknown. Remember, one needs to be confused before clarity occurs.
  3. Embrace your new life as it unfolds. Don't be afraid to let love in again. Enjoy feeling strong and content as a single person. In other words, when the dust settles and you feel whole again, say yes--yes to new people, experiences, and opportunities. Live your life to the fullest! 

If you or someone you know is struggling with a loss, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com

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Sunday
Aug112013

Do I Stay or Do I Leave? When to Call it Quits 

You've been unhappy in your relationship for some time. You and your significant other have argued, negotiated and retreated in your attempts to navigate the differences between you.  You've tried counseling but you found that you were the only one interested in making a change. In the end, you've come to the conclusion that you and your partner are simply not a good match. As painful as it is, your love for your mate is faltering and you can no longer accept things as they are. You long for a different kind of relationship and are unwilling to settle for anything less. You've let go of any hope for anything better--you've worked through your last ounce of resistance to letting go.  You tell yourself that tonight you will tell your partner that you want to end the relationship. 

Making the final decision to end a relationship is not easy. Typically, it takes time, a lot of pain and multiple attempts to make things better before accepting that the relationship is no longer working. Some people struggle endlessly, prolonging the agonizing decision much longer than is necessary. Others may jump ship too quickly, accepting defeat before they've given the effort and time necessary to fix what feels broken. It is hard to know when to call it quits. It's hard to give up on someone you love, a relationship you value and the hope that this would be the one to last a lifetime.

To help those of you that are currently wrestling with the dilemma of "Do I stay or do I go?"--here are some guidelines to help you figure out when to call it quits and when to hang in there and give it one more try. 

Read the important article in its entirety - Click Read in Browser

FYI- As you may have already heard, Gmail is rolling out some new features to automatically filter your email messages for you (this also applies if you use Google Apps for your business email address!).

Gmail is phasing in a new "tabbed inbox" system. You may have already seen it in your inbox if you use Gmail. If not, you'll see it soon. Google is rolling the new system out to users overtime. They've split your inbox into 5 separate inboxes and created tabs across the top labeling each "Primary, Social, Promotions, Updates and Forums".

My emails to you will most likely fall under promotions. To ensure that you get the information you want from me, here’s what you can do.

Option 1:

1 - Click on the Promotions inbox tab.

2 - Drag any emails from people you want to hear from and drop them onto the tab that says “Primary.” Then, when it asks if you want future emails to go into your Primary inbox, just click yes.

For the next few weeks, as Gmail phases these new tabbed inboxes in, be sure to check your Promotions inbox to make sure nothing else you really want is getting caught (and lost) in it.

Option 2:   If you want to completely remove these new tabs - go to the Settings box in the upper right hand corner of your inbox and select "Settings." Click on the "Inbox" tab and unselect all categories but "Primary" (don't forget to save your changes).

I hope this information is helpful to you. Thanks in advance for making sure we can stay connected!

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Sunday
Jul142013

Relationship Help Q&A Video "My Ex has Cancer and I feel... I'm a bad person for feeling this way?"

Relationship Help Q&A Video "My Ex has Cancer and I feel justice has been served. I'm a bad person for feeling this way?"

Watch and learn as Julie Orlov answers your love and relationship questions. Today's questions deals with anger and resentment toward your ex -- even if he or she has a life threatening illness! Learn how to let go, forgive, and move on rather than hold on to your resentment and indulge your fantasies of revenge.

Watch the video on YouTube or directly on my blog (Click Read in Browser to connect)

http://youtu.be/cuZkVb0UE1k

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Monday
Feb252013

Is Having Sex With Your Ex a Good Idea?  

Coming to terms with the end of a relationship is one of the most difficult transitions that relationships offer. It is complicated and often a non-linear path to “un-attach” oneself to someone you have come to know as your other half. To make matters worse, if you are the one who still wants the relationship to continue, you may find yourself compromising your values and morals in order to find a way to pull your significant other back in. Even if you are the one who initiated the ending, you may also find yourself pulled back to your ex as you navigate the waters of letting go. See if the following scenario rings a bell for you or someone you know. You officially have called it quits. One night your ex calls and invites you to dinner. You accept the invitation. You tell yourself you did so because you want to get the books you left at the house. But if truth be told, you really accepted the invitation because you’re feeling lonely and miss being around someone so familiar. When you arrive at the house, it feels good to be back in familiar territory—food, wine, and conversation flows—and before you know it, you find yourself having a passionate interlude with your ex. After the passion subsides, you wonder if you did the right thing. It felt like a good idea about an hour ago but now you’re feeling a little worried. Sound familiar?

 

Don’t forget to join me for my LIVE “Turning Disappointment into Intimate Connections” Workshop on February 26, 7 – 8:30pm at The Mystic Journey Bookstore in Venice, California. For more information and to register, go to http://www.mysticjourneybookstore.com/saleitem.php#WS0226

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