What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in couples counseling (6)

Saturday
Feb132016

How to Keep Your Relationship Thriving through Change?

You feel good about your spouse. The two of you have worked through some issues and are in a comfortable place. Conflict is at a minimum and your communication seems to be okay. Then one day your wife comes home and tells you she is pregnant. While you are both excited with the thought of starting a family, you silently worry about the future. Your company is not doing all that well and you are hearing rumors about lay-offs. Your wife is so excited about the baby that she begins to talk about all the plans she has for remodeling the house and buying things for the baby. Somewhere in the third trimester, she comes home and says she really wants to quit her job once the baby is born and stay at home.

And thus, a whole new world of tension and conflict ensues.

You begin to get angry. You don’t understand why your wife does not appreciate the pressures you are having at work and the insecurity of the job. You fight with your wife about every single purchase she makes for the baby and adamantly refuse to consider any remodeling of the house. Instead of seeing your wife as the loving partner she once was, you now start to see another side to her. Someone who wants what she wants no matter how much money is in the bank—a person who is not in touch with reality. A capricious woman who does not appreciate your circumstances. You are torn between wanting to be a good husband and father with the fear that you will be unable to provide what is needed. You secretly resent your wife and the baby for putting you this situation—a place of feeling inadequate and incompetent.

Your wife does not understand your anger. She is so excited about becoming a mother and desperately wants to be home with the baby. She resents your controlling attitude and resistance to what she feels would be the best for the baby. She wishes you would have a “can do” attitude and reassure her that you will do what it takes to financially provide for the family until she feels ready to go back to work. The more you communicate your disapproval and resistance to her ideas, the more she finds a way to make you feel guilty and inadequate.

And thus, the dance of disappointment and resentment begins.

Major changes will test your relationship and marriage. Changes create uncertainty, loss and anxious anticipation. Roles, identities, needs and resources are challenged and a new way of being is required. During major times change it is important to honor the process—everyone will deal with the loss of the old and transitioning to the new in their own way and time. And if a couple has opposing needs and coping strategies, then going through the change together will create even more tension. Don’t be surprised if you discover aspects of your mate (and yourself) that you didn’t see before. With every new challenge that life brings us, so does the opportunity to learn something new about ourselves and the people we love.

Change always includes the opportunity to grow together.

Here are some things to consider as you and your significant other traverse the rocky landscape of change.

  1. Remember that you are both experiencing some form of loss. The loss of a way of life, an identity, a sense of security, money, a relationship, or a loved one (if the change involves a death). Be kind and gentle with each other and give each other the space to grieve the old way of being (even if the change is positive).
  2. Don’t get too attached to how you think things should work out. Everyone has a picture or fantasy about how life should look on the other side of change. Trying to “make” this happen is what causes unnecessary turmoil. Be open to allowing the “new” to emerge in its own time and way. Be open to how things will look as you both influence the journey together.
  3. Give each other a “pass” every now and then. When people are scared or hurting, sometimes they handle it with grace and sometimes not. Instead of getting defensive or striking back, ask more questions so you can learn more about your spouses’ fears rather than insisting they see things your way.
  4. Keep the communication open. Talk about what is really going on and why you are feeling the way you do. Listen to the same from your spouse. This is a time to be a generous listener and really understand your partner in life. Practice understanding, empathy and acceptance. Practice this again and again.
  5. Be creative in your problem-solving. With major change comes lots of issues to figure out and problems to solve. Once you both feel heard and understood, the problem-solving happens with more ease. You are more likely to find solutions that work for both of you.

Remember, change will keep coming. You can’t stop it. Take advantage of the opportunity to strengthen your relationship and grow together. Remember you are on the same side. Support each other’s concerns. You will get through it—you simply have no other choice.

If you and your spouse (or significant other) are going through a major life change, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Be well,

Julie

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Sunday
Dec202015

7 Questions to Ask Yourself at This Time of Year

The holiday season is a great time for reflection. It is a time to look back on all your challenges and accomplishments in the past year. It is also a good time to connect and reconnect with those people you love. And, it is the time to reflect on those relationships, decisions and life choices that need reconsideration.

Here are some guiding questions to help you with the process.

  1. Do the people I love and value know how much I love and value them? If not, what can I do to make sure that happens?
  2. Am I dedicating enough time and energy to those things in my life that I value? If not, what changes can I make to create more alignment between my values/passions and time/energy spent?
  3. Are there relationships and life choices which are no longer working for me? If so, what can I do to let go of what is not working and work toward creating what will?
  4. Do I have the courage to make the changes I need to create a life filled with purpose, passion and contribution to others? If not, what resources can I draw from to help me live life more courageously?
  5. What support system to I need to create in order to make powerful choices and take action?
  6. How can I continue to grow and heal? Do I need to get help in order to do so? Remember, we can’t always do it alone.
  7. Am I committed to creating transformational relationships? If so, what do I have in place that helps keep my commitment and momentum alive?

Take the time over the holidays to reflect. Be open to what you discover. And remember, I’m here to help you create the life you choose.

Wishing you a wonderful holiday season and a safe and happy New Year.

Julie

P.S. I will be taking some time off to reflect and restore as well. I will be away from the office until Monday January 4th.

P.S.S. If you or someone you know needs help with creating strong and intimate relationships as well as a life that feels fulfilling, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Sunday
Dec292013

Taking Time To Reflect on Past, Present and Future

As we get closer to the end of the year, this is the time we naturally reflect back on what occurred during the past year and what we want in the year to come. I personally love this ritual and think it is so important that you engage in this as well. Whether you use your birthday, a major life event, your favorite time of year, or the more traditional New Year's celebration, doesn't matter to me--just as long as you take some time every year to reflect on what has been, what is, and what you'd like to create here on out.

To help you with this process, I've provided some guiding questions and sample responses. I've also given you two guiding activities to anchor the experience.

First, ask yourself the following: 

Click Read in Browser to access full exercise.

P.S. Don't forget to take advantage of my holiday special—the gift that keeps on giving every day of every year. Order your copy of The Pathway to Love at-home program for 30% off and begin to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life today. Give yourself (and the people in your life that count) the gift of love and relationships. You deserve it!  Order Now!

Offer good until Friday January 3rd

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Wednesday
Sep112013

Desperate to Win Back Your Ex? What Are You Really Desperate For?

I get tons of emails from people asking me how to win their boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, you name it, back. They are in pain and desperate. They regret breaking up with their significant other or worse, regret causing the breakup in the first place—or so it seems.

As people struggle with the transition from being a ‘we’ to an ‘I’, it is normal to want a do-over—to go back and make things right. I find this to be true regardless if you were the one who made the decision to break up or not. What's even more interesting, is that this phenomenon occurs even when the relationship and/or the "ex" was less than desirable—people will ignore all the reasons the relationship ended in the first place. During this painful time of detaching and feeling like there is no solid ground beneath you, one's memory of the relationship becomes distorted. All of a sudden, all the horrible things your ex did or the fact that you wanted a serious relationship and your ex did not, goes to the way side.  All you can think about is how to get him or her back. The ‘getting back’ becomes paramount regardless of the circumstances. You can't seem to stop and consider if you got what you wanted, would you want what you got?

Having said this, there are those situations when someone sabotaged a relationship or ran from one out of fear who later discovered that their fears were not nearly as important or relevant as being with the person they grew to love. Under these circumstances, it makes sense to revisit the relationship with a new appreciation and understanding of what really matters to you and what you're willing to do to win your love back and make it work. However, these individuals typically do not exhibit any desperate energy. They choose to contact their ex and have an open and honest conversation about what their past behaviors were all about and what they'd like to create from here on out. Sometimes it's too late and sometimes it's not. They accept whatever verdict ensues.

But for those of you that feel desperate, as if your life cannot go on without your ex, here are some things for you to consider before you go about trying to cajole and manipulate anyone back. Ask yourself the following:

To read full article, click Read in Browser.

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Sunday
Aug112013

Do I Stay or Do I Leave? When to Call it Quits 

You've been unhappy in your relationship for some time. You and your significant other have argued, negotiated and retreated in your attempts to navigate the differences between you.  You've tried counseling but you found that you were the only one interested in making a change. In the end, you've come to the conclusion that you and your partner are simply not a good match. As painful as it is, your love for your mate is faltering and you can no longer accept things as they are. You long for a different kind of relationship and are unwilling to settle for anything less. You've let go of any hope for anything better--you've worked through your last ounce of resistance to letting go.  You tell yourself that tonight you will tell your partner that you want to end the relationship. 

Making the final decision to end a relationship is not easy. Typically, it takes time, a lot of pain and multiple attempts to make things better before accepting that the relationship is no longer working. Some people struggle endlessly, prolonging the agonizing decision much longer than is necessary. Others may jump ship too quickly, accepting defeat before they've given the effort and time necessary to fix what feels broken. It is hard to know when to call it quits. It's hard to give up on someone you love, a relationship you value and the hope that this would be the one to last a lifetime.

To help those of you that are currently wrestling with the dilemma of "Do I stay or do I go?"--here are some guidelines to help you figure out when to call it quits and when to hang in there and give it one more try. 

Read the important article in its entirety - Click Read in Browser

FYI- As you may have already heard, Gmail is rolling out some new features to automatically filter your email messages for you (this also applies if you use Google Apps for your business email address!).

Gmail is phasing in a new "tabbed inbox" system. You may have already seen it in your inbox if you use Gmail. If not, you'll see it soon. Google is rolling the new system out to users overtime. They've split your inbox into 5 separate inboxes and created tabs across the top labeling each "Primary, Social, Promotions, Updates and Forums".

My emails to you will most likely fall under promotions. To ensure that you get the information you want from me, here’s what you can do.

Option 1:

1 - Click on the Promotions inbox tab.

2 - Drag any emails from people you want to hear from and drop them onto the tab that says “Primary.” Then, when it asks if you want future emails to go into your Primary inbox, just click yes.

For the next few weeks, as Gmail phases these new tabbed inboxes in, be sure to check your Promotions inbox to make sure nothing else you really want is getting caught (and lost) in it.

Option 2:   If you want to completely remove these new tabs - go to the Settings box in the upper right hand corner of your inbox and select "Settings." Click on the "Inbox" tab and unselect all categories but "Primary" (don't forget to save your changes).

I hope this information is helpful to you. Thanks in advance for making sure we can stay connected!

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