What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in change (12)

Saturday
Feb132016

How to Keep Your Relationship Thriving through Change?

You feel good about your spouse. The two of you have worked through some issues and are in a comfortable place. Conflict is at a minimum and your communication seems to be okay. Then one day your wife comes home and tells you she is pregnant. While you are both excited with the thought of starting a family, you silently worry about the future. Your company is not doing all that well and you are hearing rumors about lay-offs. Your wife is so excited about the baby that she begins to talk about all the plans she has for remodeling the house and buying things for the baby. Somewhere in the third trimester, she comes home and says she really wants to quit her job once the baby is born and stay at home.

And thus, a whole new world of tension and conflict ensues.

You begin to get angry. You don’t understand why your wife does not appreciate the pressures you are having at work and the insecurity of the job. You fight with your wife about every single purchase she makes for the baby and adamantly refuse to consider any remodeling of the house. Instead of seeing your wife as the loving partner she once was, you now start to see another side to her. Someone who wants what she wants no matter how much money is in the bank—a person who is not in touch with reality. A capricious woman who does not appreciate your circumstances. You are torn between wanting to be a good husband and father with the fear that you will be unable to provide what is needed. You secretly resent your wife and the baby for putting you this situation—a place of feeling inadequate and incompetent.

Your wife does not understand your anger. She is so excited about becoming a mother and desperately wants to be home with the baby. She resents your controlling attitude and resistance to what she feels would be the best for the baby. She wishes you would have a “can do” attitude and reassure her that you will do what it takes to financially provide for the family until she feels ready to go back to work. The more you communicate your disapproval and resistance to her ideas, the more she finds a way to make you feel guilty and inadequate.

And thus, the dance of disappointment and resentment begins.

Major changes will test your relationship and marriage. Changes create uncertainty, loss and anxious anticipation. Roles, identities, needs and resources are challenged and a new way of being is required. During major times change it is important to honor the process—everyone will deal with the loss of the old and transitioning to the new in their own way and time. And if a couple has opposing needs and coping strategies, then going through the change together will create even more tension. Don’t be surprised if you discover aspects of your mate (and yourself) that you didn’t see before. With every new challenge that life brings us, so does the opportunity to learn something new about ourselves and the people we love.

Change always includes the opportunity to grow together.

Here are some things to consider as you and your significant other traverse the rocky landscape of change.

  1. Remember that you are both experiencing some form of loss. The loss of a way of life, an identity, a sense of security, money, a relationship, or a loved one (if the change involves a death). Be kind and gentle with each other and give each other the space to grieve the old way of being (even if the change is positive).
  2. Don’t get too attached to how you think things should work out. Everyone has a picture or fantasy about how life should look on the other side of change. Trying to “make” this happen is what causes unnecessary turmoil. Be open to allowing the “new” to emerge in its own time and way. Be open to how things will look as you both influence the journey together.
  3. Give each other a “pass” every now and then. When people are scared or hurting, sometimes they handle it with grace and sometimes not. Instead of getting defensive or striking back, ask more questions so you can learn more about your spouses’ fears rather than insisting they see things your way.
  4. Keep the communication open. Talk about what is really going on and why you are feeling the way you do. Listen to the same from your spouse. This is a time to be a generous listener and really understand your partner in life. Practice understanding, empathy and acceptance. Practice this again and again.
  5. Be creative in your problem-solving. With major change comes lots of issues to figure out and problems to solve. Once you both feel heard and understood, the problem-solving happens with more ease. You are more likely to find solutions that work for both of you.

Remember, change will keep coming. You can’t stop it. Take advantage of the opportunity to strengthen your relationship and grow together. Remember you are on the same side. Support each other’s concerns. You will get through it—you simply have no other choice.

If you and your spouse (or significant other) are going through a major life change, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Be well,

Julie

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Monday
Nov092015

Why Transformation?

Here's an excerpt from The Pathway to Love on the topic of change and transformation.

"The one thing in life we can count on is change. Evolution demands it. The laws of nature support it. This fact of life elicits both assurance and anxiety—anxiety for the lack of control and basic uncertainty, assurance in the fact that “this too, shall pass.”  On the one hand, human beings struggle with change. We resist. It frightens us. So when our relationships call for change and transformation, we react.

On the other hand, human beings are incredibly resilient and adaptable. We transcend crises and challenges all the time. We change when our circumstances demand this. We transform who we are in order to fulfill our potential. So when our relationships call for change and transformation, we respond."

       -The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships Through Self-Discovery - Part Three: Love and Transformation

Take some time this week to reflect on your calling for change and transformation. How do you respond? What are the risks? What are your opportunities?

Let me know what you discover!

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you would like more information on how to navigate through the four phases of a developing relationship, visit. www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love.  If you’d like more information on how to create the life you choose and work with me personally, please contact me or call 310-379-5855310-379-5855 to schedule a session.

Get the support you deserve. Get the help your relationship wants.

As always, I'm here to support you in creating strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life!

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Thursday
Oct082015

Inspirational Quote for the Week!

"You can retire from a job, but don't ever retire from making extremely meaningful contributions in life."
 -- Steve Covey

We traverse many transitions throughout our lifetime--from childhood to adulthood, from single to married, from adult to parent, from career A to career B, and from career B to retirement. No matter what type of transition you face, make it meaningful--meaningful to you, your loved ones, your community and the world.

It doesn't matter what kind of work you do, how much money you make or what interests you pursue. It only matters that you have purpose. Create each chapter from the perspective of defining your purpose and making that purpose meaningful to yourself and others. In doing so, you protect yourself from depression and despair. By rejecting complacency, you inspire others to bring more light into the world. 

The world needs you. Don't let us down. Be your best self.

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know would like to create more meaning and purpose in their life, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Sunday
Aug302015

Transformation Is Not an Event!

Transformation is not an event. It is a process you repeat over and over again as you work toward mastery.

Let me give you an example. Let’s say you want to transform your body. If you go to the gym and work out you don’t expect to have a finely tuned body after one work out. You understand that it takes consistent effort in building muscle, strength, flexibility and stamina. It requires patience and perseverance. You know that putting in the work one day at a time eventually pays off. After weeks and months of taking care of your body, you start to see a real transformation. Suddenly, people start to notice the change as well. Your clothes fit differently. You feel stronger and better. You like the new you. Your commitment grows and the results show accordingly.

Then one day, your boss tells you that you didn’t get the promotion. A close family member dies and you find out your son is using hard drugs. Life immediately becomes extremely stressful and demanding. As you deal with all the challenges and process your feelings, your time spent at the gym dwindles. You know the exercise will help you get through all the stress but the stress has triggered your old ways of coping. Six months later you find your strength and stamina has dwindled. Your clothes are getting tighter and you feel more sluggish. What happened to your transformation? Well, life is what happened.

If you see transformation as an event, you could easily give up. If you understand that transformation is a process, and an imperfect process at that, you will eventually get yourself back to the gym and continue the process. You don’t see it as starting over or regression or failure. You see this as a part of a lifetime journey of transformation.

You can transform many things--your health, beliefs, relationships and lifestyle.

Regardless of what you want to transform for yourself, remember it is an on-going process. You will forever navigate the tensions between old and new, rest and movement, easy and challenging, security and risk.

So make the commitment to living your best life and taking the steps necessary to live the life you choose. This is true transformation.

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you would like more information on how to navigate through the four phases of a developing relationship, visit. www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love.  If you’d like more information on how to create the life you choose and work with me personally, please contact me directly at julie@julieorlov.com or call 310-379-5855 to schedule a session.

Get the support you deserve. Get the help your relationship wants.

As always, I'm here to support you in creating strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life!

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Saturday
Apr112015

Change is in the Air! What you need to do to make it work.

What changes have been happening in your life? Are you starting a new job or business venture? Have you moved? Starting to date someone new? Starting over all together?  Life changes are both exciting and challenging at the same time. They require letting go of the old, defining the new, and dealing with the unknown as you say goodbye to the past and get comfortable with your new future.

Changes and times of transition offer us tremendous opportunities to expand and grow. We discover things that empower us and things that humble us.

If you are dealing with a challenging change, get the support you deserve. Big changes require a team approach. Decide who you want on your change team and how they will support you in successfully navigating the transition. Some examples of team members include friends, mentors, advisors, coaches, counselors, family members and specific people who have specific skill-sets and professional know-how. Whoever you decide to include on your team, make sure you build your team. Don't go at alone. If you don't, you will be more stressed and less likely to succeed.

Having the right people in the right place at the right time ensures your success and well-being.

Life is full of change and my life is no exception. It seems like just when I've settled in from one change, I'm off to the next. My latest news?

I'm pleased to announce that I've moved to a new and beautiful office in Hermosa Beach. But before you start wondering where it is, you won't have to look far. Our new office is just across the hall from the old office--we're now at 2615 Pacific Coast Highway, Suite 327 Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

The good news is that the new offices enable me to accommodate more psychotherapy and coaching clients. So if you've been putting off taking the time to take care of yourself, your relationship and your life--this is the time to take action. Give me a call at 310-379-5855310-379-5855  and start creating the life you choose. I work with individuals, couples and and families. And whether you are feeling anxious, depressed, frustrated or resigned, there really is a way to shift the way you live your life and relate to others that results in more fulfillment and satisfaction.

Not in the Los Angeles area? No problem. I work via phone or Skype for those that are not able to come to the office. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how effective a virtual session can be. I've been doing this work for over 25 years and some of the most powerful and impactful sessions I've had with clients have been conducted by phone.

As always, I'm here to support you in creating strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life!

Be well,

Julie 

About Me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About Your Relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz,

Click to read more ...