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“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

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Sunday
Jun162013

Is Your Spouse Your Roommate or Your Lover?

You can't believe it's summer already. Another school year has gone by. You are trying to decide where to go on vacation and any idea you have seems like a lot of effort. If you're really honest, the idea of a family vacation seems exhausting. Taking a long weekend away by yourself sounds so much more enticing. You look across the kitchen table at your husband. He is busy writing out checks and reminds you that he will be working late next week so you will need to pick up the kids from their various afternoon activities.

Things are comfortable between the two of you. After all, you’ve been married for almost two decades. The household runs smoothly. The kids' needs are taken care of. But you realize that you and your husband have settled into a life together that feels more like roommates and less like lovers. Over the years your sex life has slowly withered away to an early morning quickie every other month or so.  You think back on the days when your sex life was good. You made an effort to wear sexy lingerie—he made an effort to seduce you in the ways you liked—you both made an effort to mix it up and have fun. Now it seems like passion is the last thing on your minds, settling instead for a comfy night on the couch watching TV until it's time to get some sleep. And while you still have warm feelings for your spouse, that flame seems almost extinguished. Tonight as you sit across from your husband, you feel lonely, longing to reignite some passion—longing to look at him as your lover, once again.

If this scenario sounds familiar, you are not alone. Many couples after some years have gone by, or when the kids have moved out, look at each other as if they were compatible roommates. And for many, there comes a time when that comfort level is no longer acceptable. Couples hit a cross road every few years and for most couples, this cross road will be met at least once, if not more, throughout the lifetime of their relationship.

If you are experiencing the roommate blues, here are five things you can do to bring passion back into your relationship.

  1. Start dating.  And I mean truly dating. Plan, make reservations, pick meaningful, fun, and varied activities and begin a courtship once again.
  2. Make out—and preferably in both public and private spaces. Kissing creates intimacy. Start off slow and watch the passion and tension build. Most couples stop kissing passionately on a regular basis after many years of being together. Make it part of your daily routine and see what happens.
  3. Start a new hobby, take a class, or join a cause together. Begin to connect with each other through something that is fun, meaningful, and new. Doing something new together creates collaboration and builds connection.
  4. Get playful. Tickle, tackle, wrestle, joke, do karaoke, whatever suits your fancy—just remember to do it with vigor. Leave inhibitions behind and be willing to feel silly and foolish for a while. I promise the feeling will pass and will be replaced with feel good hormones and enjoyment in one another.
  5. Redefine your relationship and create a vision. This process is at the foundation of phase four in The Pathway to Love and is absolutely necessary in order to create a transformational relationship. Take the time and invest in your future. If you need help on how to do this, The Pathway to Love at-home program shows you the way.

Turning your roommate back into your lover takes action. Follow these five steps and I promise you will be well on your way.

Sometimes there are other factors at play that require professional help. These may include hormonal shifts, mood disorders, medical conditions, or relationship issues that go beyond those of a typical long-term marriage slump. If you or someone you know is struggling with how to bring the passion back into your relationship, please don't hesitate to contact me. I am here to provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

As always, I’m here to support you in creating a transformational life and strong and powerful relationships.

Be well, 

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com

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