What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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« Lessons from Japan: Number Three. Remember, we need each other. | Main | Lessons from Japan: Number One. How would you rate your relationship with Mother Nature? »
Monday
Mar282011

Lessons from Japan: Number Two. Don’t get attached to any “one” tomorrow.

There is so much change happening in any one single moment. Our minds simply can’t compute and grasp how many conditions must be met prior to each moment in order for that moment to occur.  It simply boggles the mind.  If we spent our time paying attention to each and every moment and what went into that moment’s birth, we wouldn’t get too much done.  I am personally grateful that our minds are set up to operate quite the opposite.  Our minds are designed to perceive, filter, interpret, summarize and store information that it deems important.  All the rest gets pushed aside.  This not only allows us to go about our daily lives in relative peace, but also enables us to go through each day with “ignorant bliss.”  We get to maintain some kind of illusion that our lives are under “control” and that we can pretty much feel safe and secure in knowing what tomorrow will bring—usually more of the same.

However, in reality life can't help but remind us again and again that this is really not how it works.  We really don’t know what will happen tomorrow or in the next moment for that matter.  We have little to no control.  There are simply too many conditions that create each and every moment.  We all know this.  But when something disastrous occurs, such as the earthquake in Japan, our basic denial is broken and we must face our vulnerability once again.  We are challenged to release our need for control and embrace the unknown.  We are reminded that our attachment to any "one" tomorrow is fragile at best.

Fortunately, disasters of that magnitude do not occur everyday for each one of us.  However, for most of us, the unexpected comes up daily.  We deal with circumstances beyond our control every day.  Relationships go wrong, the plumbing no longer works, work projects get derailed, etc. It is our attachment to wanting things they way we want them that results in stress and unease, not the actual circumstance itself.  So what is the lesson?  Try living without any attachment to what the next moment may hold.  Be open to your life unfolding.  Create your life in real time rather than trying to control a specific vision for the future.  This doesn't mean you give up dreams, goals, objectives, to-do lists, etc.  It does mean that you remain unattached--committed, but unattached to tomorrow's outcome.  This allows you to be open and recognize new opportunities.  This allows you to live your life with more ease and grace.

Remember, if you're determined to go out and find that perfect brown leather chair and nothing else, you just might miss that perfect recliner sitting in the store window!

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com

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