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“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in relationships (19)

Monday
Nov252013

Gratitude: ‘Tis the Season

Thanksgiving is the time of year we stop and reflect on all the things for which we are grateful. And while practicing gratitude is a year round job, let's take advantage of the opportunity to formally reflect on the people, things and experiences that bring joy, appreciation and love into our lives, our relationships, and our world.

This past week I've spent some time contemplating what kinds of things I want to add to this year's gratitude list. I thought about being funny. I thought about all the "duh" things I'm grateful for (good health, family, friends, etc.) and I thought about all those things that happen unexpectedly or unnoticed. I decided that since the obvious is the obvious and my sense of humor may work for some but not for others, I would go with number three. So here's my top ten list of unexpected surprises (and some taken for granted givens) that bring gratitude into my heart.

I am grateful for

  1. The times when my dogs snuck out of the backyard and some stranger noticed, caught them, called me and walked the dogs back to my home, safely securing them back into my yard. Neighbors like this are what make a neighborhood feel like family.
  2. Those unexpected thank you cards that arrive in person or by mail, those that are hand written and express gratitude for something I did or said that made a difference. A thank you goes a long way and knowing you made a positive difference in someone's life is gratifying. I know email is convenient but the written word on real paper sends a whole different message.
  3. The woman who sends me a smile and a "have a great run" every time I pass her on the strand. Her warmth and smile makes my day and I appreciate her salutations every time. She extends a greeting to everyone she passes and does so without expecting anything in return. We should all be a bit more like her.
  4. All the people in my life who graciously forgive me when I disappoint or hurt them in any way. Knowing that my intentions are good, being on the receiving end of understanding, compassion and forgiveness for those moments when I did not shine my best, is both humbling and healing. It is not taken for granted.
  5. All the people in my life who have graciously apologized for those times that they acted out in anger or irreverence to my feelings. It takes courage and integrity to take responsibility for your actions and their impact. An apology goes a long way and I know what it takes to extend one. Not always easy.
  6. All the moms out there that helped me as "second, third and fourth Moms" to my kids, carpooling them to soccer games, helping me out when a crisis emerged, and volunteering for PTA's and other extra-curriculum volunteer committees. As a single mother, there are simply times when you are unable to fulfill parenting duties (those goes for married Moms as well). It really does take a village and for all the Moms (and Dads) out there that help each other out, you are truly appreciated. I couldn't have done it without you.
  7. The person who will allow me to cross a lane even when I'm trying to do so at the last minute because I didn't plan in advance or notice I needed to be in another lane to execute a turn or exit. I know this one may sound silly or mundane but when you need to get over to the next lane and someone intentionally cuts you off, it sucks. On the other hand, when someone motions you to go ahead, you feel a part of a community that understands we all have someplace to go and we all make mistakes in navigating our way there. I'm grateful for those that have a cooperative commuter attitude.
  8. Those people who are willing to take on the "messy" jobs in life. When the need arises, I'm grateful for the workers that will fix the toilet, clean the sewers, pick up the trash, put out the fires, clean the wounds, and attend to the elderly that are no longer able to care for themselves. Some jobs are simply more demanding and messy than others and the people who take on those roles with professionalism and a caring attitude make the rest of our lives work better. Don't ever underestimate the value of the person who is willing to clean up after your mess or take care of a responsibility that you would rather not.
  9. The fact that my life is relatively easy. I have clean running water, electricity, a warm house, all the conveniences that modern life has to offer, a way to make a living, good friends, great parents that are still alive, two fantastic daughters, and a man that holds me close every night before I go to sleep. I'm lucky. Not everyone is and I know it. I'm grateful to have this life and hope that in my own way, I contribute to the betterment of others. I do my best although I'm sure my best is not enough.
  10. Those who have committed their life to helping others in need. While my work is directed toward this cause, there are many others that have dedicated their lives in much more significant ways to the betterment of humankind. Our problems are complex and vast here on planet earth. We have not been great stewards to the planet and our fellow living beings (and creatures alike). And while there are still millions that contribute to the problems every day, there are thousands that work to find solutions and alleviate immediate suffering. There are thousands that work tirelessly to protect those that cannot protect themselves. There are still more that advocate for other living creatures with which we share our planet and for the planet itself. I'm grateful for each and every one of you.

I wish all of you a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday. Enjoy your feast and take the time to reflect on your gratitude list. I'd love to know what yours entail so feel free to share! 

(Just click read in browser and leave a comment at the end of the article)

With gratitude,

Julie 

P.S. If you or someone you know wants to create a transformational relationship with the person you love, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

And don't forget to catch my radio/TV show Pathways to Love w'Julie Orlov LIVE every Sunday 1:30pm PST on LATalkLive!

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com

Click to read more ...

Saturday
Jul272013

The Truth about Relationships

Relationships take work. No one likes the word "work" let alone doing it. People prefer to do things and have things that require less effort and more ease. It's just human nature. If one has the choice to climb up a hill or down a hill, most would choose the downhill route. However, hills that only go one way down do not exist. Relationships work the same. You can't expect a relationship to be good and easy without having the experience of the uphill route from time to time. This is especially true as you traverse the second phase of relationship building. Phase two* is that challenging space  between the time when things are magically (and temporarily) easy and where real deep love and intimacy reside.

We humans do what we can to avoid the uphill struggle. We avoid, sabotage, deny, and flee. In the end, we lose—because to avoid the uphill climb, we also miss out on the joy and satisfaction of having come down the other side. We are tempted to cut the journey short and stay stuck in a small and often lonely place.

Unfortunately, some people take advantage of our vulnerabilities. They will try to sell you the idea that relationships can and should be easy—and of course, they have just the thing that you can purchase to get you there in 10 easy steps or less. We all know deep down that this is nonsense. Relationships require the same kind of rigor, commitment, discipline and attention that building anything worthwhile requires over time. You can't get to phase three or four* in a relationship without doing the work of phase two. You simply can't skip phases. Every time we try to create shortcuts in life we create a mess instead.

So as much as I'd like to promise you a downhill journey, the truth is we all need to adopt or readopt a solid work ethic. Creating long lasting and satisfying relationships require a certain kind of discipline—one that understands it takes consistent effort over time—one that knows if this is done, then slowly, over the years, one can and will build a relationship that is strong and vibrant, one that will last and flourish, one that honors and protects.

This topic is so important. There is much more to read! Click Read in Browser to finish the article!

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Saturday
Jun292013

Declare a New State of Independence for Yourself

As I rule, I try to resist the pressure to write articles with holiday themes. It just feels a bit cliché and there are so many of them running rampant out there in cyberspace. Sometimes I feel the spirit that lies within our holidays gets lost within the onslaught of messages.

However, today I awoke with a thought about our upcoming Independence Day holiday. For me, this holiday represents a day to enjoy friends and family, along with BBQ's and fireworks. And to be honest, I focus more on the Wimbledon Tennis matches and less on what it means for our country.  At this point in time, I feel the spirit from which our country was founded has become lost. We have less integrity, less freedom, and less authentic interactions with one another.  Greed, instant gratification, and “more is better” seem to have taken hold. I know many, if not most of you, adhere to different standards but these current values have been ingrained into our culture and our relationships, at a tremendous cost to us all.

With the intention of helping bring our old values back—or as some may suggest, new and improved values—I  am offering a new set of declarations for this coming Thursday, July Fourth.  In so doing, my hope is that we will remember on our national holiday what is truly important. So, among the masses of Happy Fourth of July wishes, I encourage you to declare a new state of independence in the following ways. 

I declare the freedom to

  1. Be who I am without apology or repression
  2. Be fully self-expressed
  3. Be free from fear of rejection or abandonment
  4. Be fully empowered to say yes or no without guilt or regret
  5. Love and treat others with a compassionate and open heart
  6. Take risks with courage and live a life of passion
  7. Take full responsibility for my actions, thoughts, and feelings
  8. Live my life with integrity and learn from my mistakes
  9. Do what I can to make someone else's day a bit better
  10. Laugh whenever possible, smile as much as possible, and find joy wherever possible.

Have a wonderful and safe Fourth of July celebration! 

If you or someone you know is struggling with creating strong and loving relationships, please don't hesitate to contact me. I am here to provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

As always, I’m here to support you in creating a transformational life and strong and powerful relationships

Be well,

Julie

P.S. And don't forget to catch my radio/TV show Pathways to Love w'Julie Orlov LIVE every Sunday 1:30pm PST on LATalkLive!

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com

Click to read more ...

Sunday
Jun022013

Is the Grass Always Greener on the Other Side?

“The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” – Sound familiar? It should. This well-known phrase captures what every person in or out of a relationship thinks from time to time. If you’re currently single, you may be thinking about how much you miss having a partner—someone with whom you can share love, laughter, and life experiences. You long for someone to hold and be with—a relationship that fills those basic human needs and alleviates your moments of loneliness and emptiness.

If you’re in a committed relationship, you just may be thinking about days gone by when you did not have to answer to anyone—when you could sleep, eat, play and shop—when, where and how you pleased. You long for some alone time and the feeling of independence. You miss your freedom.

I want you to know that “missing” the other side is not only normal, but expected. There are benefits and costs to being single and coupled. There will always be a longing, an appreciation and a loss, regardless of your relationship status. It is not a matter of if you feel these things, it is how you move through these times of discontent. No one package is perfect. So here are some realties and coping strategies to help you deal with your moments of doubt. 

If you are transitioning from singlehood to couplehood, or couplehood to singlehood, here is what you have in store and how you can cope. Be prepared to deal with the following:

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Sunday
Dec092012

What Are Your Deal Breakers?

I have worked with thousands of people over the years. And I have seen countless numbers of people tolerate issues within their relationship that they never thought they would beforehand. One of the exercises in The Pathway to Love Workbook and Guide is to identify your “deal breakers.” This is an easy task for most people. You may believe you know what you can and cannot live with and write these things down with ease. In real life, however, it can be incredibly difficult to follow-through on deal breakers. Knowing is not always doing. Instead, you may find yourself settling and living with issues and people that simply don’t work for you. You may find yourself denying, rationalizing, and pacifying the realities. People do it all the time. And this is why. Once you’ve declared a behavior or trait a deal breaker, your well-being, power, and integrity are at stake. So is your relationship. This is the pull and pressure one has to contend with once you’ve identified a deal breaker. No one likes to face the real possibility that loss is imminent. No one wants to have a broken heart. But in the end, your personal power and well-being are what counts. Ignoring deal breakers will only cause ongoing heartache and pain. So here are my suggestions on how to navigate this delicate issue as your relationship develops and becomes more real.

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