What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential


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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in relationships (19)


Healing Only Takes Place within The Space of Love

Everyone has wounds. We accumulate our wounds throughout our lifetime when we experience emotional and psychological injury. Just as you cannot prevent scrapping a knee or breaking a bone, nor can you prevent emotional hurt, pain and trauma. We work hard to protect our wounds from further pain and heal them as best we can. Sometimes we’re successful and sometimes we’re not.

Our wounds get triggered and we protect them in many varying ways. We protect our wounds by

  • Numbing the pain with alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, gambling and sex
  • Attacking others when we feel they might expose our wounds and cause more pain
  • Avoiding situations that may pour salt into our wounds
  • Distracting ourselves from dealing with our wounds via all kinds of self-protective strategies

We respond to others’ wounds in varying ways as well. Some of these include

  • Taking advantage of their vulnerability and using them as a means of control
  • Becoming angry over the impact that their wounds have on them and us
  • Attempting to kiss their “boo-boo” and make it all better
  • Discovering our own wounds through their wounds and competing over which wound is worse and deserves the most attention
  • Finding a way to avoid and abandon those who reveal their wounds because it causes too much chaos 

While we try to contend with our wounds in many different ways, one truth exists.

Wounds only heal within a space of love…

Not intimidation, confrontation, anger or fear…

Only with love can our wounds heal.

So here are some ways to create healing in the world around you

  • Listen to others’ woundedness in the spirit of understanding and acceptance
  • Validate their experiences and provide reassurance whenever possible
  • Have an open heart and show compassion
  • Let others know that you love them unconditionally
  • Express your hopes and desires for them
  • Set boundaries in the spirit of relationship
  • Send them your thoughts and prayers for healing and peace

Wishing all of you healing and peace,


P.S. If you or someone you know would like to heal their wounds, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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People are Both/And

As you get to know your significant others, you will discover new aspects of their character and personality. Some of these will be appealing to you and some will not. We all have different sides to our character—we are all capable of being kind and loving, selfish and cruel, wise and capable, foolish and careless. These are the dualities of what it means to be human. We all share the same traits that make us human—a full range of emotions, behaviors and instincts. Some remain dormant until provoked; others reveal themselves more readily and consistently.

So don’t be surprised to find that one day, out of the blue, your loved one acts in a way that surprises you. Don’t be alarmed when you discover that your new love who was so accepting, now shows his frustration and judgment. It doesn’t mean that the loving part of who that person is has gone away. It simply means that you are now experiencing more of who he or she is. People are not either/or. People are both/and.

I am both kind and loving, selfish and demanding, patient and compassionate, judgmental and intolerant. I am all of it. And as the people in my life get to know me more intimately, they understand that I am a complex human being capable of behaving in many ways, feeling many emotions, and developing as a human being all the time. And while my dominant personality is basically friendly, kind and positive, that doesn’t mean I don’t have less desirable traits that show up from time to time. I am both/and. When I’m feeling impatient and act accordingly, that doesn’t mean the patient part of me has disappeared. It simply means that the circumstances that exist in both my internal and external world has resulted in me showing up as impatient. Another set of circumstances will come along soon and another part of myself will show up as a result.

So as you settle in and get to know someone, remember they are a both/and. Discover and accept all of who he/she is and then decide if the relationship works for you or not. All the human archetypes live within us. This does not change. What does change is how we accept and manage the aspects of who we are as human beings. The work of being human is not to change what it means to be human. The work of being human is becoming self-aware, managing our emotional world, and making conscious choices on how we want to live our lives and relate to one another.

Take the time to get to know yourself. Take the time to get to know others. Embrace your relationships from the perspective of both/and. Make the commitment to do the work of what it means to be human and create meaningful and fulfilling relationships in every area of your life.

Be well,


If you or someone you know would like to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life, please contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Just Say No!

Saying no to what you don’t want opens the door to what you do.

We spend a lot of time and energy trying to get what we want—the right romantic partner, the right job, the right work-life balance. People will utilize all kinds of things to bring in their desired reality. God knows people will sell you just about anything in pursuit of your aspirations. You may have tried visualizing your wants, creating a vision board, making positive affirmations, hiring a coach, or creating a strategic plan. These are not bad things to do and in fact, when you put your attention on what you want, you are certainly more likely to get it.

However, there is more to creating something new and different. You not only need to say yes to what you want, you need to say no to what you don’t. In fact, I’d go as far to say that saying no is a crucial first step to recognizing and embracing something new.

So if you’re tired of

  • Dating people who aren’t good for you
  • Settling for crumbs instead of what you truly deserve
  • Tolerating mistreatment or abuse
  • Getting taken advantage of for your giving and compassionate nature
  • Or anything else that is not working in your life…

Then start saying no.

No to what doesn’t work for you—no to those people and circumstances you will no longer tolerate and accept.

When you make a stand to stay away from those things and people that do not work for you, you take a clear stand for those that do.

Just say no.

And feel good about your commitment to your life!

Be well,


P.S. If you would like more information on how to navigate through the four phases of a developing relationship, visit. www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love.  If you’d like more information on how to create the life you choose and work with me personally, please contact me directly at julie@julieorlov.com or call 310-379-5855310-379-5855 to schedule a session.

Get the support you deserve. Get the help your relationship wants.

As always, I'm here to support you in creating strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life!

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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How was Your Valentine's Day?

I hope all of you had a wonderful Valentine's Day and are enjoying the long holiday weekend.

I know that some of you are feeling relieved that Valentine's Day is over. When you are not in a relationship and wish you were, this holiday can be a stressful reminder of your unwanted relationship status.

I also know that for others, you are feeling the let down and disappointment of another "romantic" holiday gone bad. Your partner either underestimated the importance of this day or under-appreciated your efforts. Either way, you are left feeling insecure about the future and wishing things were different.

The relationship is certainly too good to leave but lacks the passion and fulfillment you desire. You know that with some solid communication and renewed commitment, this relationship can take the next step forward. Somehow, when you try to engage in meaningful conversations about how to improve things, the conversation soon turns into one or both you feeling defensive. When this happens, no one really understands or appreciates what's important to the other. What you hoped would become the start of something better turns out to be the start of something worse.

You're not sure where things go wrong and feel helpless to engage in conversations that result in both you and your significant other feeling heard, understood and accepted. The goal of getting your needs met and finding a mutually satisfactory outcome eludes you. You've tried many different tacks but still hit the same old wall again and again.

If you relate to this scenario, you are not alone. Many couples find themselves stuck in a way of relating and communicating that doesn't get them the results they want. There is a way through. It takes a professional who can quickly understand the dynamics at play and knows how to guide you toward a different and more effective way of approaching relationship issues. I know a lot of people are hesitant to bring an outsider into their relationship for help. It can be scary to reach out. Most people fear that the relationship will get worse, not better. Others believe the therapist will side with their significant other and sabotage their needs.

The truth is neither. An experienced and well qualified relationship professional knows how to approach the issues in a way where everyone feels heard and supported. A good therapist knows how to guide the communication forward toward new insights, understandings and approaches to problem solving. While not all relationships are able to grow and thrive, most can and will.

Working on your relationship is not a quick fix. Shifting perspectives and creating positive change takes place over time. Relationships are complex. The gifted professional can discern where the greatest leverage is for the best outcome. Don't sell yourself short. Get the help you and your relationships deserve.

I've devoted my 28 years as a professional psychotherapist, coach and consultant helping people build strong and intimate relationships. I would love to make a difference in your life as well.

So whether you are dealing with a relationship crisis or would just like help with how you approach relationship building, here's my special gift to you. For the remainder of the month, I am offering a one hour session for only $150.00.  That's a $100.00 savings!  I think you will be pleasantly surprised with how your relationship can shift with just one session. I am able to quickly understand the issues at hand and work with you to shift what is and begin to build what you desire.

Take advantage of the savings and start to transform your life today. Simply email me at jorlov@julieorlov.com and write FEBRUARY SPECIAL on the subject line. Let me know what days and times work best for you and I will respond with available time slots. Don't let too much time go by. I only have so many time slots available for the remainder of the month and want you to get the benefits!

Wishing you well,


P.S. If you or someone you know needs help in finding love, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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When Do I Speak Up and When Do I Keep Quiet? 

People get excited when they meet someone new. We put on our best "face" and watch our p's and q's. We don't want to share too much too soon for fear of judgment and rejection. And in some respects, this is wise. The beginning of a relationship is devoted to having fun and getting to know someone slowly over time. I know for me that if I knew some things about my husband when we first went out that I know now, I might have sent him packing. But as we get to know someone in the fullness of who they are, we understand things that occurred in their lives within a greater context. Too much too soon can be a bad thing. TMI is sometimes very real.

On the other hand, we should never give our power away for fear of judgment and rejection. We hold back from speaking out early on in our relationships when it is not in our best interest. We hold back from sharing our truth even in well established relationships and lose ourselves because of it. We give our power away too often and too easily. There are circumstances from which we should never let fear of judgment, rejection or ridicule silence us. 

These include (Click Read in Browser to access this important information!)

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