What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

More Reviews

You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

Join the Conversation:

  

Blog Index
The journal that this archive was targeting has been deleted. Please update your configuration.

Entries in relationship advice (13)

Saturday
Feb272016

Quotes for the Week--Make Your Relationship Count!

"Someone once told me a story about long term relationships. To think of them as a continent to explore. I could spend a lifetime backpacking through Africa, and I would still never know all there is to know about that continent. To stay the course, to stay intentional, to stay curious and connected - that's the heart of it. But it's so easy to lose track of the trail, to get tired, to want to give up, or to want a new adventure. It can be so easy to lose sight of the goodness and mystery within the person sitting right in front of you."

--Joy Williams

Take this week and enjoy the journey of exploring your partner in new ways. You just might be surprised to find new delights.  Enjoy!

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know want to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life,  please don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Saturday
Jan302016

What’s the Rush? Slow Down...

I went to my doctor’s office the other week for my annual physical. He asked how I was doing and I said I was feeling tired, as if my fatigue had a hold of me and wasn’t letting go. He replied by saying that fatigue is the number one complaint he hears from every single person he sees week in and week out. We began to talk about why this is so—why is our culture so driven to do more, faster. Employers demand more output with less resources from their employees every year. Kids have more homework and extra-curriculum activities than any other time in recent history. Americans demand instant gratification in every area of our lives—and the internet and social media have helped deliver on that promise. We not only want services and products delivered in supersonic speed, we have come to expect that information and responses from emails, texts and postings come instantaneously.

Even in the area of relationships, people expect each other to meet our physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual and sexual needs when we have them and in the way we want them met.

No wonder we’re tired.

To manage all this fatigue, we’ve become addicted to adrenaline, energy drinks, caffeine, sugar, illegal and prescription drugs. We need these to keep up a pace that isn’t conducive to our human condition. Basically, we’re a sleep deprived, stressed-out mess.

It doesn’t take long to see the consequences of our never-ending pursuit of “doing more, faster.”

Our physical health, personal relationships and quality of life continues to suffer.

What will it take for us to get the message?

I don’t know. But what I do know is that we all, myself included, need to SLOW Down!

This week I challenge you to slow down. Say no to the assignment that will push you over the edge. Turn off your cell phone and computer. Spend time with your friends and family outside in nature. Sleep in this weekend and take an afternoon nap. Set healthy limits and boundaries. Your life depends on it!

Let’s all slow down….

I’d love to hear what you did (or better said, what you didn’t do) this week to slow down. Feel free to leave your comments by clicking here.  But remember, no rush :-).

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you love wants to create a better life, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Sunday
Nov292015

Healing Only Takes Place within The Space of Love

Everyone has wounds. We accumulate our wounds throughout our lifetime when we experience emotional and psychological injury. Just as you cannot prevent scrapping a knee or breaking a bone, nor can you prevent emotional hurt, pain and trauma. We work hard to protect our wounds from further pain and heal them as best we can. Sometimes we’re successful and sometimes we’re not.

Our wounds get triggered and we protect them in many varying ways. We protect our wounds by

  • Numbing the pain with alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, gambling and sex
  • Attacking others when we feel they might expose our wounds and cause more pain
  • Avoiding situations that may pour salt into our wounds
  • Distracting ourselves from dealing with our wounds via all kinds of self-protective strategies

We respond to others’ wounds in varying ways as well. Some of these include

  • Taking advantage of their vulnerability and using them as a means of control
  • Becoming angry over the impact that their wounds have on them and us
  • Attempting to kiss their “boo-boo” and make it all better
  • Discovering our own wounds through their wounds and competing over which wound is worse and deserves the most attention
  • Finding a way to avoid and abandon those who reveal their wounds because it causes too much chaos 

While we try to contend with our wounds in many different ways, one truth exists.

Wounds only heal within a space of love…

Not intimidation, confrontation, anger or fear…

Only with love can our wounds heal.

So here are some ways to create healing in the world around you

  • Listen to others’ woundedness in the spirit of understanding and acceptance
  • Validate their experiences and provide reassurance whenever possible
  • Have an open heart and show compassion
  • Let others know that you love them unconditionally
  • Express your hopes and desires for them
  • Set boundaries in the spirit of relationship
  • Send them your thoughts and prayers for healing and peace

Wishing all of you healing and peace,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know would like to heal their wounds, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Sunday
Oct252015

People are Both/And

As you get to know your significant others, you will discover new aspects of their character and personality. Some of these will be appealing to you and some will not. We all have different sides to our character—we are all capable of being kind and loving, selfish and cruel, wise and capable, foolish and careless. These are the dualities of what it means to be human. We all share the same traits that make us human—a full range of emotions, behaviors and instincts. Some remain dormant until provoked; others reveal themselves more readily and consistently.

So don’t be surprised to find that one day, out of the blue, your loved one acts in a way that surprises you. Don’t be alarmed when you discover that your new love who was so accepting, now shows his frustration and judgment. It doesn’t mean that the loving part of who that person is has gone away. It simply means that you are now experiencing more of who he or she is. People are not either/or. People are both/and.

I am both kind and loving, selfish and demanding, patient and compassionate, judgmental and intolerant. I am all of it. And as the people in my life get to know me more intimately, they understand that I am a complex human being capable of behaving in many ways, feeling many emotions, and developing as a human being all the time. And while my dominant personality is basically friendly, kind and positive, that doesn’t mean I don’t have less desirable traits that show up from time to time. I am both/and. When I’m feeling impatient and act accordingly, that doesn’t mean the patient part of me has disappeared. It simply means that the circumstances that exist in both my internal and external world has resulted in me showing up as impatient. Another set of circumstances will come along soon and another part of myself will show up as a result.

So as you settle in and get to know someone, remember they are a both/and. Discover and accept all of who he/she is and then decide if the relationship works for you or not. All the human archetypes live within us. This does not change. What does change is how we accept and manage the aspects of who we are as human beings. The work of being human is not to change what it means to be human. The work of being human is becoming self-aware, managing our emotional world, and making conscious choices on how we want to live our lives and relate to one another.

Take the time to get to know yourself. Take the time to get to know others. Embrace your relationships from the perspective of both/and. Make the commitment to do the work of what it means to be human and create meaningful and fulfilling relationships in every area of your life.

Be well,

Julie

If you or someone you know would like to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life, please contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Sunday
Jul052015

Navigating the Dualities in Relationships

Relationships are full of yin and yang’s.  You want closeness and you need separateness. You need to retain a sense of self and you need to create a sense of we. You need to attend to your partner’s needs and you need to ensure your needs get met.  I could go on and on but you get the picture. There are always tensions between two wants and needs in relationships.

The trick is navigating the tension and making choices over which need requires your attention or deference at that moment in time. Rarely will you achieve the perfect balance. More often than not you will traverse back and forth between the polarities as the situation dictates. This is the work of relationships. This is the nature of life. 

As we all struggle with dualities, here are a few tips to use when having to choose. 

  1. Take a step back and determine who or what has the greater need. If you need a day to rest and your partner really wants to go to her office party, see if you can objectively determine whose need is greater. Go with the greater need even if this requires a sacrifice.
  2. Take the long-term perspective as well as the immediate gratification. When you do, it usually becomes clear what needs your attention and what choices to make.
  3. If you have to make a choice between your individual needs or the relationship’s needs, choose the relationship.
  4. Be willing to sit with the tension for a while. Often we don’t know immediately what path to take. Sitting with things for a time often leads to more clarity. It’s okay to be confused and not know. In reality, sometimes that’s the best place to be—clarity comes with time and patience.
  5. Remember, while you can strive to meet everyone’s needs and keep everything in balance, rarely is this possible. Be willing to accept that a win for one side comes with a loss on the other. This is perfectly okay. The pendulum will swing back and forth throughout your lifetime.

We are continuously dealing with dualities. There will always be competing needs within your relationships. Be thoughtful, take your time and make the best decisions you can. That’s all you can ask for.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their relationships, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...