What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in marital problems (3)

Thursday
Mar312016

Let’s Talk About Sex

Sexual intimacy is an important aspect of a romantic committed relationship. And yes, for the most of us, the intensity and lust in a long-term relationship fluctuates over time. That doesn’t mean in only has a downward spiral—it means that how a couple experiences and creates their sexual intimacy will shift in all directions throughout the lifetime of the relationship. This is based on a number of factors including

  •          Familiarity
  •          Trust
  •          Boredom in the bedroom
  •          Health status
  •          Stress level
  •          Children – newborns, teenagers, empty nestees
  •          Age
  •          Relationship issues, including levels of conflict and connection
  •          Hormone levels and sex drive
  •          Prioritizing sexual connection and intimacy
  •          Work demands and work fulfillment
  •          Fatigue
  •          Fitness
  •          Sexual experimentation
  •          Comfort with one’s body and sexuality
  •          Openness in communicating needs and desires
  •          Desire to please one’s partner
  •          Making sex playful and fun
  •          Major life events and changes

As you can see from the list above, human sexuality and sexual intimacy in relationships is quite complex. Couples need to attend to their sexual relationship with the same intentionality that they do in other areas (e.g., finances, raising children, resolving issues, life changes, extended family, etc.).

Here are some things to consider if you feel your sex life and sexual intimacy is not where you’d like it be.

  1. Communicate – keep the lines of communication open in regards to how you are feeling about your sex life and what, if anything, would you like to be different. Your partner can’t work on pleasing you if he/she does not know how you are feeling and what would make things better.

  2. Accept – there may be differences between your and your partner’s needs when it comes to sex. There is no right or wrong in how often you have sex or how you like it. It is important to respect and accept your differences without making anyone wrong. Find a way to navigate the differences so each partner can get some, if not all of their needs met. Stretch your comfort zone, accommodate your partner’s needs, and find ways to make sex safe, playful and meaningful for both of you.

  3. Connect – it is important to maintain intimacy and connection regardless of how that is accomplished. Sex is only one way to create connection. If someone is dealing with a lot of stress or an illness or you just had your first baby, give yourselves a break and take the pressure off the bedroom. Holding hands, cuddling and listening to each other may be the best way to connect for the time being. 

  4. Be patient and know the pendulum will swing back again. If you are both committed to creating and re-creating your passion for one another, be assured that the passion is not lost. If you’d like a more active sex life, then see how you can create some energy around this. Take the initiative. Be proactive and look for opportunities to reignite the spark.

  5. Take the opportunity to see what changes need to made in yourself, your relationship and your life. A lack of sex drive or interest may be a signal that something needs to change. You may need to address your life style, work load, communication, health or relationship. And don’t forget to get some help if you’re stuck. There’s no reason to go at this alone. In fact, getting outside help from a qualified professional may be the solution you need.

If you or someone you know is unsatisfied with their sexual intimate relationship, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Be well,

Julie

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Saturday
Feb272016

Quotes for the Week--Make Your Relationship Count!

"Someone once told me a story about long term relationships. To think of them as a continent to explore. I could spend a lifetime backpacking through Africa, and I would still never know all there is to know about that continent. To stay the course, to stay intentional, to stay curious and connected - that's the heart of it. But it's so easy to lose track of the trail, to get tired, to want to give up, or to want a new adventure. It can be so easy to lose sight of the goodness and mystery within the person sitting right in front of you."

--Joy Williams

Take this week and enjoy the journey of exploring your partner in new ways. You just might be surprised to find new delights.  Enjoy!

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know want to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life,  please don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Thursday
May282015

How Do You Accept the Things You Like the Least in Your Partner?

I have a wonderful husband. There are definitely more things about him I like than dislike. At the same time there are a couple of things about him I dislike a lot. In fact, if I had truly known these things about him and how they would impact me and our relationship in the very beginning, I just might have left. But here we are now, married, and better for it. Yet somehow I need to find peace with those things about him I dislike. This is the real deal. This is the necessary work of relationships.

As I struggle with this work myself, I wanted to reflect on how to help you with your own version of likes and dislikes in your partner or spouse. So in the spirit of community, I thought we would struggle together on this one. You see, there really isn’t a quick fix. This is a process—one that shifts with time—one that rears its ugly head without warning—one that fades away with love.

Here are seven things you can do (as well as I) to help you along the journey to acceptance and peace.

  1. Become acquainted with the serenity prayer. You really do need to accept the things you cannot control; change the things you can; and find the wisdom to know the difference.
  2. Chances are your partner doesn’t necessarily like those things about him or herself either—or at the very least—has conflicted feelings about his ways of coping and behaving. He too, is aware of the impact his behaviors and habits have on himself, others and his relationships. Certainly, he is very aware of the impact he has on you.
  3. People aren’t perfect. People are wounded. Your loved one is on his own path of discovery, healing and transformation. Show compassion.
  4. Your significant other has his own list of dislikes as they pertain to you. You have a negative impact as well. You are not perfect either.
  5. If your spouse is willing to change a behavior that is unacceptable, that’s a good thing. Focus on the efforts made. Appreciate the changes in behavior. Know your spouse is trying to please you and make things better. If his behaviors are annoying but acceptable, let the small stuff go and be grateful. Get perspective. Things could be a lot worse.
  6. Understand that those things that bother you and hurt you the most are things that rub against your own wounds. Take the time to understand yourself. Take the time to go inward and attend to those wounds that are still hurting. Show compassion toward yourself.
  7. Remember, time really does heal. Those things that annoy, hurt or disgust you today may be things you laugh about in years to come. You and your relationship will grow with time. Circumstances change with time. People shift with time.

Lastly, remember that your relationships can be a source for healing. Taking the time to truly understand, love and support each other creates a safe haven from which to heal, grow and flourish. Becoming familiar with the four phases of a developing relationship will give you the understanding, perspective and skills to move through these four phases with more grace and ease. To learn more, visit www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love.

If you or someone you know is struggling in their relationships and want to find more acceptance and peace, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

 

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