What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in love (25)

Sunday
Aug252013

Today I Woke Up Without My Sense of Humor 

I woke up this morning without my sense of humor. I was feeling pretty good yesterday. That is, until I expressed my concerns about a family event to my significant other. His response was less than helpful, although I know his intentions were good. So instead of feeling reassured, I ended up with a feeling of "yuck." To make matters worse, I continued to express another concern that came to mind in reaction to his "sharing."  He not only fell asleep soon after this vulnerable moment but then later during the night proceeded to initiate "you know what"  in a way that was in direct opposition to what I had requested just some five hours earlier.

So I begin to question things. Is he passive aggressive? Is he tuned out? Did he forget the importance of what I was communicating? Is he simply clueless?

Then I remembered.... He's just a guy. But he's my guy. And yes, sometimes he's passive aggressive, sometimes he's tuned out, and sometimes he's simply forgetful and clueless. That's just the way it goes from time to time.

Now, for you guys out there that are feeling attacked and picked on—I implore you to refrain from hitting "reply" and sending me letters. Because you have your own version for us gals. There are moments when you shake your head in disbelief at the things we say and do, the things we want, and the way we think and feel. There are no double standards here—the same goes for everyone.

Now, back to my story.

So I woke up this morning thinking, who is this guy I live with and why do I? I began to think of all the reasons why I should "dump" him. But after a short while, I stopped myself.  I took some deep breaths and started to see things more clearly.

He's a great guy and an imperfect guy. He behaves like a typical man—which is sometimes good and sometimes challenging. He's the person I love and with whom I have chosen to share my life. 

Then I turned the mirror toward myself?  Who am I in this equation?

I'm someone who has high expectations and isn't afraid to ask for what I need and express how I feel. I'm someone who is sensitive and who at times will over-react to situations and events when my expectations aren't met and when I'm feeling exceptionally vulnerable. I'm also someone who at the end of the day can sort all that out and find perspective and a sense of humor once again. 

So as I sit here this morning and remember what is truly important, I wanted to share these thoughts with you. When you find yourself disappointed, baffled, frustrated, or at a loss for words, remember this.

Your partner is not perfect and never will be. Men are men, women are women. And while the differences that exist between you and your partner can be challenging at times, in the end, they are what makes the relationship work.

Your expectations will not be met—at least, most of the time. Expectations are really another way to say "I wish you were more like me." Find your way back to appreciating the fact that your partner isn't more like you. Two of you would simply be too much of one thing.

Find your sense of humor. Most people have good will most of the time. Most situations are harmless (and for those that aren't, please refer to my other articles that address real relationship problems) and for those that are harmless, let go and laugh about it. Find a way to look at your partner and their baffling behavior as endearing comic relief.

And finally, don't take any of it personally. 

As for me? I've worked my way back to a grin and am finding my way toward a little chuckle :-)....

If you or someone you know is struggling to create a loving and intimate relationship, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I am here to provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

As always, I’m here to support you in creating a transformational life and strong and powerful relationships. 

Be well,

Julie

P.S. And don't forget to catch my radio/TV show Pathways to Love w'Julie Orlov LIVE every Sunday 1:30pm PST on LATalkLive!

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com

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Saturday
Jun292013

Declare a New State of Independence for Yourself

As I rule, I try to resist the pressure to write articles with holiday themes. It just feels a bit cliché and there are so many of them running rampant out there in cyberspace. Sometimes I feel the spirit that lies within our holidays gets lost within the onslaught of messages.

However, today I awoke with a thought about our upcoming Independence Day holiday. For me, this holiday represents a day to enjoy friends and family, along with BBQ's and fireworks. And to be honest, I focus more on the Wimbledon Tennis matches and less on what it means for our country.  At this point in time, I feel the spirit from which our country was founded has become lost. We have less integrity, less freedom, and less authentic interactions with one another.  Greed, instant gratification, and “more is better” seem to have taken hold. I know many, if not most of you, adhere to different standards but these current values have been ingrained into our culture and our relationships, at a tremendous cost to us all.

With the intention of helping bring our old values back—or as some may suggest, new and improved values—I  am offering a new set of declarations for this coming Thursday, July Fourth.  In so doing, my hope is that we will remember on our national holiday what is truly important. So, among the masses of Happy Fourth of July wishes, I encourage you to declare a new state of independence in the following ways. 

I declare the freedom to

  1. Be who I am without apology or repression
  2. Be fully self-expressed
  3. Be free from fear of rejection or abandonment
  4. Be fully empowered to say yes or no without guilt or regret
  5. Love and treat others with a compassionate and open heart
  6. Take risks with courage and live a life of passion
  7. Take full responsibility for my actions, thoughts, and feelings
  8. Live my life with integrity and learn from my mistakes
  9. Do what I can to make someone else's day a bit better
  10. Laugh whenever possible, smile as much as possible, and find joy wherever possible.

Have a wonderful and safe Fourth of July celebration! 

If you or someone you know is struggling with creating strong and loving relationships, please don't hesitate to contact me. I am here to provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

As always, I’m here to support you in creating a transformational life and strong and powerful relationships

Be well,

Julie

P.S. And don't forget to catch my radio/TV show Pathways to Love w'Julie Orlov LIVE every Sunday 1:30pm PST on LATalkLive!

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com

Click to read more ...

Sunday
Mar102013

The Number 1 Thing that will get you through the Bumps in the Road  

As you settle into a long-term relationship, you settle into its particular rhythm. Every relationship has one and every rhythm is unique to that relationship. Sometimes you will affect your relationship; sometimes life will impact its ebb and flow. Either way, you can be sure that your path will not be a smooth ride without any bumps or detours. Yours may look something like this— Everything has been going just fine for some time until one day you discover that your significant other has kept something from you...

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Sunday
Feb102013

5 Reasons to Celebrate Valentine’s Day with Heart!

I received an email the other day from a woman who read my article “7 Reasons to Acknowledge Anniversaries”—she requested an article in kind about Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day presents us with a double bind. On the one hand, we are bombarded with advertisements, talk show segments, and subtle (or not so subtle) messages on how important it is to do the right thing by your sweetheart. On the other hand, people push back on the commercial hype and pressure, holding Valentine’s Day responsible for the inevitable disappointment that ensues, claiming it is a “contrived Hallmark” holiday designed to put unrealistic expectations on love and relationships. These individuals tend to rebel, choosing to ignore the holiday all together or do the bare minimum of bringing home some flowers and calling it a day. And then of course, there are those out there who do not currently have a sweetheart, many of which hide out for the 24 hours until all the focus on lovers fades so that they can once again, feel good about being single. So how do we reconcile all these conflicting feelings about Valentine’s Day? After all, it is supposed to be the holiday of love, not dread. So in honor of those of you that still believe in a day that celebrates love, I’m offering 5 reasons to celebrate Valentine’s Day with. And for those of you that wish this holiday would simply go away and stay away, read on—you just might find a good reason to celebrate come February 14th! Don’t forget to join me for my LIVE Create Your Pathway to Love Workshop on February 23, 9am-1pm in Hermosa Beach, California. For more information and to register, go to www.yourpathwaytolove.eventbrite.com.

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Sunday
Jan132013

Are you an “I” or a “We?”

One of the tasks couples face as they build their relationship is moving their identity from an “I” to a “We.” Sounds simple enough. You start referring to “our vacation” as opposed to “my vacation.” Or you begin to talk about the future in terms of what “our” future will be. Simply changing the pronoun sounds easy enough but in reality, the pronoun use means so much more than a simple sentence structure would imply. There are certain things that come with the word We—it implies a certain level of commitment and with each level of commitment comes certain responsibilities—this may be the very reason some people pause when consciously or unconsciously selecting a pronoun use. So if you find yourself stuttering when choosing to use I or We, here are some of the reasons why you may be grappling.

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