What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

More Reviews

You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in love (25)

Sunday
Sep202015

Are You Really Interested in a Committed Relationship?

When you first fall in love, everything is easy. Sex is great, conversations flow, you don’t notice all those annoying habits, and you love spending time together. It’s effortless. As the relationship matures and you settle in, things become less easy. Those annoying habits show up all the time, the guy who once wanted to take you dancing every week, now rather watch a movie on Netflix, and the woman who used to dress up for every date, now shows up in jeans and sweats. 

Oh yes, it’s that time when the fantasy of phase one subsides and the work of phase two begins. This is the time to ask yourself the big question—“Am I really interested in a committed relationship?” 

To help you search your soul, answer the following questions as honestly as you can and let’s see what’s true for you.

Am I willing and interested in… 

 

  1. Listening and understanding rather than defending and re-attacking my partner?
  2. Learning who my partner is and what makes him or her tick?
  3. Sharing who I am with her or him in return?
  4. Understanding that at times I will be bored, frustrated, and lazy with this relationship (and so will my partner)?
  5. Accepting that healthy relationships take work to sustain?
  6. Working through the tough times knowing that good times will come again?
  7. Growing as a person?
  8. Giving up control, compromising, and finding the win-win whenever possible?
  9. Telling the truth even though it may hurt me, my partner and the relationship?
  10. Understanding that my partner and I are not perfect and will make mistakes along the way?
  11. Figuring out if I like more things than not about my partner?
  12. Forgiving?

 

If you said yes to eight or more questions, then you are definitely ready to take the plunge.  And what about the other four questions? Don’t worry;the best journeys are those that are filled with unexpected twists and turns. You just may surprise yourself.

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you would like more information on how to navigate through the four phases of a developing relationship, visit. www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love.  If you’d like more information on how to create the life you choose and work with me personally, please contact me directly at julie@julieorlov.com or call 310-379-5855310-379-5855 to schedule a session.

Get the support you deserve. Get the help your relationship wants.

As always, I'm here to support you in creating strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life!

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

 

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Sunday
Jul052015

Navigating the Dualities in Relationships

Relationships are full of yin and yang’s.  You want closeness and you need separateness. You need to retain a sense of self and you need to create a sense of we. You need to attend to your partner’s needs and you need to ensure your needs get met.  I could go on and on but you get the picture. There are always tensions between two wants and needs in relationships.

The trick is navigating the tension and making choices over which need requires your attention or deference at that moment in time. Rarely will you achieve the perfect balance. More often than not you will traverse back and forth between the polarities as the situation dictates. This is the work of relationships. This is the nature of life. 

As we all struggle with dualities, here are a few tips to use when having to choose. 

  1. Take a step back and determine who or what has the greater need. If you need a day to rest and your partner really wants to go to her office party, see if you can objectively determine whose need is greater. Go with the greater need even if this requires a sacrifice.
  2. Take the long-term perspective as well as the immediate gratification. When you do, it usually becomes clear what needs your attention and what choices to make.
  3. If you have to make a choice between your individual needs or the relationship’s needs, choose the relationship.
  4. Be willing to sit with the tension for a while. Often we don’t know immediately what path to take. Sitting with things for a time often leads to more clarity. It’s okay to be confused and not know. In reality, sometimes that’s the best place to be—clarity comes with time and patience.
  5. Remember, while you can strive to meet everyone’s needs and keep everything in balance, rarely is this possible. Be willing to accept that a win for one side comes with a loss on the other. This is perfectly okay. The pendulum will swing back and forth throughout your lifetime.

We are continuously dealing with dualities. There will always be competing needs within your relationships. Be thoughtful, take your time and make the best decisions you can. That’s all you can ask for.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their relationships, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Thursday
May282015

How Do You Accept the Things You Like the Least in Your Partner?

I have a wonderful husband. There are definitely more things about him I like than dislike. At the same time there are a couple of things about him I dislike a lot. In fact, if I had truly known these things about him and how they would impact me and our relationship in the very beginning, I just might have left. But here we are now, married, and better for it. Yet somehow I need to find peace with those things about him I dislike. This is the real deal. This is the necessary work of relationships.

As I struggle with this work myself, I wanted to reflect on how to help you with your own version of likes and dislikes in your partner or spouse. So in the spirit of community, I thought we would struggle together on this one. You see, there really isn’t a quick fix. This is a process—one that shifts with time—one that rears its ugly head without warning—one that fades away with love.

Here are seven things you can do (as well as I) to help you along the journey to acceptance and peace.

  1. Become acquainted with the serenity prayer. You really do need to accept the things you cannot control; change the things you can; and find the wisdom to know the difference.
  2. Chances are your partner doesn’t necessarily like those things about him or herself either—or at the very least—has conflicted feelings about his ways of coping and behaving. He too, is aware of the impact his behaviors and habits have on himself, others and his relationships. Certainly, he is very aware of the impact he has on you.
  3. People aren’t perfect. People are wounded. Your loved one is on his own path of discovery, healing and transformation. Show compassion.
  4. Your significant other has his own list of dislikes as they pertain to you. You have a negative impact as well. You are not perfect either.
  5. If your spouse is willing to change a behavior that is unacceptable, that’s a good thing. Focus on the efforts made. Appreciate the changes in behavior. Know your spouse is trying to please you and make things better. If his behaviors are annoying but acceptable, let the small stuff go and be grateful. Get perspective. Things could be a lot worse.
  6. Understand that those things that bother you and hurt you the most are things that rub against your own wounds. Take the time to understand yourself. Take the time to go inward and attend to those wounds that are still hurting. Show compassion toward yourself.
  7. Remember, time really does heal. Those things that annoy, hurt or disgust you today may be things you laugh about in years to come. You and your relationship will grow with time. Circumstances change with time. People shift with time.

Lastly, remember that your relationships can be a source for healing. Taking the time to truly understand, love and support each other creates a safe haven from which to heal, grow and flourish. Becoming familiar with the four phases of a developing relationship will give you the understanding, perspective and skills to move through these four phases with more grace and ease. To learn more, visit www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love.

If you or someone you know is struggling in their relationships and want to find more acceptance and peace, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

 

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Monday
Apr272015

Quote of the Week: Why do you annoy me?

"The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues."   Elizabeth Taylor

Let's face it. We all annoy others and others annoy us. So if you find a person you love annoying--or vice versa--it's just because you're both breathing. --Julie Orlov :-)

Have a great week everyone!

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know needs help in finding love and developing relationships, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Saturday
Mar212015

Do You Want a Transactional or Transformational Relationship?

As your relationship grows over time, you and your partner will need to decide what kind of relationship you want—transactional or transformational. A transactional relationship is based on two people negotiating on getting their needs met. It often looks like


I’ll be more considerate of your need for space if you promise to take me out dancing at least once a week.

If you stop criticizing me on how I parent the kids, I will be more motivated to step in and help.

I’ll take care of the laundry this weekend so you can enjoy a day with your friends.

Most relationships function in this way. There is nothing wrong with transactional relationships—all relationships must address negotiating individual differences and needs as well as taking care of the day to day tasks associated with being part of a family.

So what about a transformational relationship? What does that entail? A transformational relationship goes beyond negotiating the needs of individuals that reside within the relationship. A transformational relationship looks like

  • Relating to your relationship as a living, breathing life force in and of itself
  • Creating a shared purpose and meaning for the relationship (that is, a vision)
  • Supporting the vision by acting and making choices accordingly
  • Understanding that the well-being of the relationship is equally if not more important than the well-being of any one individual within
  • Finding ways that further and deepen the purpose and meaning of the relationship
  • Taking the time to revisit and redefine the relationship’s purpose and meaning as the needs of the relationship change and evolve over time

Creating a transformational relationship is easier said than done. It requires putting the needs of the relationship first, before the needs of any one individual. You and your partner take the time to explore what the relationship needs to flourish and respond accordingly. You proactively decide as a couple what kind of relationship you want to create. Transformational relationships often result in less conflict and more intimacy, freedom of self-expression, fulfillment and sense of purpose.

If you’d like more information on the four phases of a developing relationship, including phase four: relational transformation, go to www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love.

It takes time and effort to get there but the rewards are worth it. If you or someone you know is interested in learning how to create a transformational relationship, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...