What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

More Reviews

You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

Join the Conversation:

  

Blog Index
The journal that this archive was targeting has been deleted. Please update your configuration.

Entries in Julie Orlov (19)

Sunday
Jul052015

Navigating the Dualities in Relationships

Relationships are full of yin and yang’s.  You want closeness and you need separateness. You need to retain a sense of self and you need to create a sense of we. You need to attend to your partner’s needs and you need to ensure your needs get met.  I could go on and on but you get the picture. There are always tensions between two wants and needs in relationships.

The trick is navigating the tension and making choices over which need requires your attention or deference at that moment in time. Rarely will you achieve the perfect balance. More often than not you will traverse back and forth between the polarities as the situation dictates. This is the work of relationships. This is the nature of life. 

As we all struggle with dualities, here are a few tips to use when having to choose. 

  1. Take a step back and determine who or what has the greater need. If you need a day to rest and your partner really wants to go to her office party, see if you can objectively determine whose need is greater. Go with the greater need even if this requires a sacrifice.
  2. Take the long-term perspective as well as the immediate gratification. When you do, it usually becomes clear what needs your attention and what choices to make.
  3. If you have to make a choice between your individual needs or the relationship’s needs, choose the relationship.
  4. Be willing to sit with the tension for a while. Often we don’t know immediately what path to take. Sitting with things for a time often leads to more clarity. It’s okay to be confused and not know. In reality, sometimes that’s the best place to be—clarity comes with time and patience.
  5. Remember, while you can strive to meet everyone’s needs and keep everything in balance, rarely is this possible. Be willing to accept that a win for one side comes with a loss on the other. This is perfectly okay. The pendulum will swing back and forth throughout your lifetime.

We are continuously dealing with dualities. There will always be competing needs within your relationships. Be thoughtful, take your time and make the best decisions you can. That’s all you can ask for.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their relationships, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Thursday
May282015

How Do You Accept the Things You Like the Least in Your Partner?

I have a wonderful husband. There are definitely more things about him I like than dislike. At the same time there are a couple of things about him I dislike a lot. In fact, if I had truly known these things about him and how they would impact me and our relationship in the very beginning, I just might have left. But here we are now, married, and better for it. Yet somehow I need to find peace with those things about him I dislike. This is the real deal. This is the necessary work of relationships.

As I struggle with this work myself, I wanted to reflect on how to help you with your own version of likes and dislikes in your partner or spouse. So in the spirit of community, I thought we would struggle together on this one. You see, there really isn’t a quick fix. This is a process—one that shifts with time—one that rears its ugly head without warning—one that fades away with love.

Here are seven things you can do (as well as I) to help you along the journey to acceptance and peace.

  1. Become acquainted with the serenity prayer. You really do need to accept the things you cannot control; change the things you can; and find the wisdom to know the difference.
  2. Chances are your partner doesn’t necessarily like those things about him or herself either—or at the very least—has conflicted feelings about his ways of coping and behaving. He too, is aware of the impact his behaviors and habits have on himself, others and his relationships. Certainly, he is very aware of the impact he has on you.
  3. People aren’t perfect. People are wounded. Your loved one is on his own path of discovery, healing and transformation. Show compassion.
  4. Your significant other has his own list of dislikes as they pertain to you. You have a negative impact as well. You are not perfect either.
  5. If your spouse is willing to change a behavior that is unacceptable, that’s a good thing. Focus on the efforts made. Appreciate the changes in behavior. Know your spouse is trying to please you and make things better. If his behaviors are annoying but acceptable, let the small stuff go and be grateful. Get perspective. Things could be a lot worse.
  6. Understand that those things that bother you and hurt you the most are things that rub against your own wounds. Take the time to understand yourself. Take the time to go inward and attend to those wounds that are still hurting. Show compassion toward yourself.
  7. Remember, time really does heal. Those things that annoy, hurt or disgust you today may be things you laugh about in years to come. You and your relationship will grow with time. Circumstances change with time. People shift with time.

Lastly, remember that your relationships can be a source for healing. Taking the time to truly understand, love and support each other creates a safe haven from which to heal, grow and flourish. Becoming familiar with the four phases of a developing relationship will give you the understanding, perspective and skills to move through these four phases with more grace and ease. To learn more, visit www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love.

If you or someone you know is struggling in their relationships and want to find more acceptance and peace, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

 

Click to read more ...

Monday
Apr272015

Quote of the Week: Why do you annoy me?

"The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues."   Elizabeth Taylor

Let's face it. We all annoy others and others annoy us. So if you find a person you love annoying--or vice versa--it's just because you're both breathing. --Julie Orlov :-)

Have a great week everyone!

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know needs help in finding love and developing relationships, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Saturday
Mar212015

Do You Want a Transactional or Transformational Relationship?

As your relationship grows over time, you and your partner will need to decide what kind of relationship you want—transactional or transformational. A transactional relationship is based on two people negotiating on getting their needs met. It often looks like


I’ll be more considerate of your need for space if you promise to take me out dancing at least once a week.

If you stop criticizing me on how I parent the kids, I will be more motivated to step in and help.

I’ll take care of the laundry this weekend so you can enjoy a day with your friends.

Most relationships function in this way. There is nothing wrong with transactional relationships—all relationships must address negotiating individual differences and needs as well as taking care of the day to day tasks associated with being part of a family.

So what about a transformational relationship? What does that entail? A transformational relationship goes beyond negotiating the needs of individuals that reside within the relationship. A transformational relationship looks like

  • Relating to your relationship as a living, breathing life force in and of itself
  • Creating a shared purpose and meaning for the relationship (that is, a vision)
  • Supporting the vision by acting and making choices accordingly
  • Understanding that the well-being of the relationship is equally if not more important than the well-being of any one individual within
  • Finding ways that further and deepen the purpose and meaning of the relationship
  • Taking the time to revisit and redefine the relationship’s purpose and meaning as the needs of the relationship change and evolve over time

Creating a transformational relationship is easier said than done. It requires putting the needs of the relationship first, before the needs of any one individual. You and your partner take the time to explore what the relationship needs to flourish and respond accordingly. You proactively decide as a couple what kind of relationship you want to create. Transformational relationships often result in less conflict and more intimacy, freedom of self-expression, fulfillment and sense of purpose.

If you’d like more information on the four phases of a developing relationship, including phase four: relational transformation, go to www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love.

It takes time and effort to get there but the rewards are worth it. If you or someone you know is interested in learning how to create a transformational relationship, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Sunday
Feb152015

How was Your Valentine's Day?

I hope all of you had a wonderful Valentine's Day and are enjoying the long holiday weekend.

I know that some of you are feeling relieved that Valentine's Day is over. When you are not in a relationship and wish you were, this holiday can be a stressful reminder of your unwanted relationship status.

I also know that for others, you are feeling the let down and disappointment of another "romantic" holiday gone bad. Your partner either underestimated the importance of this day or under-appreciated your efforts. Either way, you are left feeling insecure about the future and wishing things were different.

The relationship is certainly too good to leave but lacks the passion and fulfillment you desire. You know that with some solid communication and renewed commitment, this relationship can take the next step forward. Somehow, when you try to engage in meaningful conversations about how to improve things, the conversation soon turns into one or both you feeling defensive. When this happens, no one really understands or appreciates what's important to the other. What you hoped would become the start of something better turns out to be the start of something worse.

You're not sure where things go wrong and feel helpless to engage in conversations that result in both you and your significant other feeling heard, understood and accepted. The goal of getting your needs met and finding a mutually satisfactory outcome eludes you. You've tried many different tacks but still hit the same old wall again and again.

If you relate to this scenario, you are not alone. Many couples find themselves stuck in a way of relating and communicating that doesn't get them the results they want. There is a way through. It takes a professional who can quickly understand the dynamics at play and knows how to guide you toward a different and more effective way of approaching relationship issues. I know a lot of people are hesitant to bring an outsider into their relationship for help. It can be scary to reach out. Most people fear that the relationship will get worse, not better. Others believe the therapist will side with their significant other and sabotage their needs.

The truth is neither. An experienced and well qualified relationship professional knows how to approach the issues in a way where everyone feels heard and supported. A good therapist knows how to guide the communication forward toward new insights, understandings and approaches to problem solving. While not all relationships are able to grow and thrive, most can and will.

Working on your relationship is not a quick fix. Shifting perspectives and creating positive change takes place over time. Relationships are complex. The gifted professional can discern where the greatest leverage is for the best outcome. Don't sell yourself short. Get the help you and your relationships deserve.

I've devoted my 28 years as a professional psychotherapist, coach and consultant helping people build strong and intimate relationships. I would love to make a difference in your life as well.

So whether you are dealing with a relationship crisis or would just like help with how you approach relationship building, here's my special gift to you. For the remainder of the month, I am offering a one hour session for only $150.00.  That's a $100.00 savings!  I think you will be pleasantly surprised with how your relationship can shift with just one session. I am able to quickly understand the issues at hand and work with you to shift what is and begin to build what you desire.

Take advantage of the savings and start to transform your life today. Simply email me at jorlov@julieorlov.com and write FEBRUARY SPECIAL on the subject line. Let me know what days and times work best for you and I will respond with available time slots. Don't let too much time go by. I only have so many time slots available for the remainder of the month and want you to get the benefits!

Wishing you well,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know needs help in finding love, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...