What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in intimacy (18)

Thursday
May282015

How Do You Accept the Things You Like the Least in Your Partner?

I have a wonderful husband. There are definitely more things about him I like than dislike. At the same time there are a couple of things about him I dislike a lot. In fact, if I had truly known these things about him and how they would impact me and our relationship in the very beginning, I just might have left. But here we are now, married, and better for it. Yet somehow I need to find peace with those things about him I dislike. This is the real deal. This is the necessary work of relationships.

As I struggle with this work myself, I wanted to reflect on how to help you with your own version of likes and dislikes in your partner or spouse. So in the spirit of community, I thought we would struggle together on this one. You see, there really isn’t a quick fix. This is a process—one that shifts with time—one that rears its ugly head without warning—one that fades away with love.

Here are seven things you can do (as well as I) to help you along the journey to acceptance and peace.

  1. Become acquainted with the serenity prayer. You really do need to accept the things you cannot control; change the things you can; and find the wisdom to know the difference.
  2. Chances are your partner doesn’t necessarily like those things about him or herself either—or at the very least—has conflicted feelings about his ways of coping and behaving. He too, is aware of the impact his behaviors and habits have on himself, others and his relationships. Certainly, he is very aware of the impact he has on you.
  3. People aren’t perfect. People are wounded. Your loved one is on his own path of discovery, healing and transformation. Show compassion.
  4. Your significant other has his own list of dislikes as they pertain to you. You have a negative impact as well. You are not perfect either.
  5. If your spouse is willing to change a behavior that is unacceptable, that’s a good thing. Focus on the efforts made. Appreciate the changes in behavior. Know your spouse is trying to please you and make things better. If his behaviors are annoying but acceptable, let the small stuff go and be grateful. Get perspective. Things could be a lot worse.
  6. Understand that those things that bother you and hurt you the most are things that rub against your own wounds. Take the time to understand yourself. Take the time to go inward and attend to those wounds that are still hurting. Show compassion toward yourself.
  7. Remember, time really does heal. Those things that annoy, hurt or disgust you today may be things you laugh about in years to come. You and your relationship will grow with time. Circumstances change with time. People shift with time.

Lastly, remember that your relationships can be a source for healing. Taking the time to truly understand, love and support each other creates a safe haven from which to heal, grow and flourish. Becoming familiar with the four phases of a developing relationship will give you the understanding, perspective and skills to move through these four phases with more grace and ease. To learn more, visit www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love.

If you or someone you know is struggling in their relationships and want to find more acceptance and peace, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

 

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Monday
Apr272015

Quote of the Week: Why do you annoy me?

"The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues."   Elizabeth Taylor

Let's face it. We all annoy others and others annoy us. So if you find a person you love annoying--or vice versa--it's just because you're both breathing. --Julie Orlov :-)

Have a great week everyone!

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know needs help in finding love and developing relationships, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Saturday
Mar212015

Do You Want a Transactional or Transformational Relationship?

As your relationship grows over time, you and your partner will need to decide what kind of relationship you want—transactional or transformational. A transactional relationship is based on two people negotiating on getting their needs met. It often looks like


I’ll be more considerate of your need for space if you promise to take me out dancing at least once a week.

If you stop criticizing me on how I parent the kids, I will be more motivated to step in and help.

I’ll take care of the laundry this weekend so you can enjoy a day with your friends.

Most relationships function in this way. There is nothing wrong with transactional relationships—all relationships must address negotiating individual differences and needs as well as taking care of the day to day tasks associated with being part of a family.

So what about a transformational relationship? What does that entail? A transformational relationship goes beyond negotiating the needs of individuals that reside within the relationship. A transformational relationship looks like

  • Relating to your relationship as a living, breathing life force in and of itself
  • Creating a shared purpose and meaning for the relationship (that is, a vision)
  • Supporting the vision by acting and making choices accordingly
  • Understanding that the well-being of the relationship is equally if not more important than the well-being of any one individual within
  • Finding ways that further and deepen the purpose and meaning of the relationship
  • Taking the time to revisit and redefine the relationship’s purpose and meaning as the needs of the relationship change and evolve over time

Creating a transformational relationship is easier said than done. It requires putting the needs of the relationship first, before the needs of any one individual. You and your partner take the time to explore what the relationship needs to flourish and respond accordingly. You proactively decide as a couple what kind of relationship you want to create. Transformational relationships often result in less conflict and more intimacy, freedom of self-expression, fulfillment and sense of purpose.

If you’d like more information on the four phases of a developing relationship, including phase four: relational transformation, go to www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love.

It takes time and effort to get there but the rewards are worth it. If you or someone you know is interested in learning how to create a transformational relationship, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Thursday
Jan152015

When Do I Speak Up and When Do I Keep Quiet? 

People get excited when they meet someone new. We put on our best "face" and watch our p's and q's. We don't want to share too much too soon for fear of judgment and rejection. And in some respects, this is wise. The beginning of a relationship is devoted to having fun and getting to know someone slowly over time. I know for me that if I knew some things about my husband when we first went out that I know now, I might have sent him packing. But as we get to know someone in the fullness of who they are, we understand things that occurred in their lives within a greater context. Too much too soon can be a bad thing. TMI is sometimes very real.

On the other hand, we should never give our power away for fear of judgment and rejection. We hold back from speaking out early on in our relationships when it is not in our best interest. We hold back from sharing our truth even in well established relationships and lose ourselves because of it. We give our power away too often and too easily. There are circumstances from which we should never let fear of judgment, rejection or ridicule silence us. 

These include (Click Read in Browser to access this important information!)

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Sunday
Nov302014

Managing Your Expectations this Holiday Season

Thanksgiving is behind us and I hope all of you had a great holiday weekend.

Whether you spend this holiday with family, shopping or getting caught up with rest, I hope that you are not left with a lot of disappointment his Monday morning.  Some of you may be feeling the post-holiday blues—maybe your family gathering was filled with too much (or too little) drama; maybe the weekend was more stressful than you wanted, or may be what you thought would happen did not and you were feeling along and disappointed.

If you fall into any of these categories, don’t fret. You’re not alone. As a therapist, my busiest time of the year is the post-holiday season. Spending time with family or wishing you had more time with family, seems to trigger a lot.  Disappointments are at the top of the list. And all the disappointments can be traced back to expectations. So here’s some suggestions to help you manage your expectations as you continue to navigate the holiday season.

To read more about how to powerfully manage holiday expectations, click read in browser.

Before you do, I just want to remind you that my holiday gift to you is a 20% discount for purchasing The Pathway to Love program, designed to help you create strong and intimate relationships whether you currently have one or are currently looking for a new and wonderful love. Simply enter the special code Gratitude and order your copy today!

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