What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in intimacy (18)

Thursday
Mar312016

Let’s Talk About Sex

Sexual intimacy is an important aspect of a romantic committed relationship. And yes, for the most of us, the intensity and lust in a long-term relationship fluctuates over time. That doesn’t mean in only has a downward spiral—it means that how a couple experiences and creates their sexual intimacy will shift in all directions throughout the lifetime of the relationship. This is based on a number of factors including

  •          Familiarity
  •          Trust
  •          Boredom in the bedroom
  •          Health status
  •          Stress level
  •          Children – newborns, teenagers, empty nestees
  •          Age
  •          Relationship issues, including levels of conflict and connection
  •          Hormone levels and sex drive
  •          Prioritizing sexual connection and intimacy
  •          Work demands and work fulfillment
  •          Fatigue
  •          Fitness
  •          Sexual experimentation
  •          Comfort with one’s body and sexuality
  •          Openness in communicating needs and desires
  •          Desire to please one’s partner
  •          Making sex playful and fun
  •          Major life events and changes

As you can see from the list above, human sexuality and sexual intimacy in relationships is quite complex. Couples need to attend to their sexual relationship with the same intentionality that they do in other areas (e.g., finances, raising children, resolving issues, life changes, extended family, etc.).

Here are some things to consider if you feel your sex life and sexual intimacy is not where you’d like it be.

  1. Communicate – keep the lines of communication open in regards to how you are feeling about your sex life and what, if anything, would you like to be different. Your partner can’t work on pleasing you if he/she does not know how you are feeling and what would make things better.

  2. Accept – there may be differences between your and your partner’s needs when it comes to sex. There is no right or wrong in how often you have sex or how you like it. It is important to respect and accept your differences without making anyone wrong. Find a way to navigate the differences so each partner can get some, if not all of their needs met. Stretch your comfort zone, accommodate your partner’s needs, and find ways to make sex safe, playful and meaningful for both of you.

  3. Connect – it is important to maintain intimacy and connection regardless of how that is accomplished. Sex is only one way to create connection. If someone is dealing with a lot of stress or an illness or you just had your first baby, give yourselves a break and take the pressure off the bedroom. Holding hands, cuddling and listening to each other may be the best way to connect for the time being. 

  4. Be patient and know the pendulum will swing back again. If you are both committed to creating and re-creating your passion for one another, be assured that the passion is not lost. If you’d like a more active sex life, then see how you can create some energy around this. Take the initiative. Be proactive and look for opportunities to reignite the spark.

  5. Take the opportunity to see what changes need to made in yourself, your relationship and your life. A lack of sex drive or interest may be a signal that something needs to change. You may need to address your life style, work load, communication, health or relationship. And don’t forget to get some help if you’re stuck. There’s no reason to go at this alone. In fact, getting outside help from a qualified professional may be the solution you need.

If you or someone you know is unsatisfied with their sexual intimate relationship, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Be well,

Julie

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Saturday
Feb272016

Quotes for the Week--Make Your Relationship Count!

"Someone once told me a story about long term relationships. To think of them as a continent to explore. I could spend a lifetime backpacking through Africa, and I would still never know all there is to know about that continent. To stay the course, to stay intentional, to stay curious and connected - that's the heart of it. But it's so easy to lose track of the trail, to get tired, to want to give up, or to want a new adventure. It can be so easy to lose sight of the goodness and mystery within the person sitting right in front of you."

--Joy Williams

Take this week and enjoy the journey of exploring your partner in new ways. You just might be surprised to find new delights.  Enjoy!

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know want to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life,  please don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Sunday
Oct252015

People are Both/And

As you get to know your significant others, you will discover new aspects of their character and personality. Some of these will be appealing to you and some will not. We all have different sides to our character—we are all capable of being kind and loving, selfish and cruel, wise and capable, foolish and careless. These are the dualities of what it means to be human. We all share the same traits that make us human—a full range of emotions, behaviors and instincts. Some remain dormant until provoked; others reveal themselves more readily and consistently.

So don’t be surprised to find that one day, out of the blue, your loved one acts in a way that surprises you. Don’t be alarmed when you discover that your new love who was so accepting, now shows his frustration and judgment. It doesn’t mean that the loving part of who that person is has gone away. It simply means that you are now experiencing more of who he or she is. People are not either/or. People are both/and.

I am both kind and loving, selfish and demanding, patient and compassionate, judgmental and intolerant. I am all of it. And as the people in my life get to know me more intimately, they understand that I am a complex human being capable of behaving in many ways, feeling many emotions, and developing as a human being all the time. And while my dominant personality is basically friendly, kind and positive, that doesn’t mean I don’t have less desirable traits that show up from time to time. I am both/and. When I’m feeling impatient and act accordingly, that doesn’t mean the patient part of me has disappeared. It simply means that the circumstances that exist in both my internal and external world has resulted in me showing up as impatient. Another set of circumstances will come along soon and another part of myself will show up as a result.

So as you settle in and get to know someone, remember they are a both/and. Discover and accept all of who he/she is and then decide if the relationship works for you or not. All the human archetypes live within us. This does not change. What does change is how we accept and manage the aspects of who we are as human beings. The work of being human is not to change what it means to be human. The work of being human is becoming self-aware, managing our emotional world, and making conscious choices on how we want to live our lives and relate to one another.

Take the time to get to know yourself. Take the time to get to know others. Embrace your relationships from the perspective of both/and. Make the commitment to do the work of what it means to be human and create meaningful and fulfilling relationships in every area of your life.

Be well,

Julie

If you or someone you know would like to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life, please contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Sunday
Sep202015

Are You Really Interested in a Committed Relationship?

When you first fall in love, everything is easy. Sex is great, conversations flow, you don’t notice all those annoying habits, and you love spending time together. It’s effortless. As the relationship matures and you settle in, things become less easy. Those annoying habits show up all the time, the guy who once wanted to take you dancing every week, now rather watch a movie on Netflix, and the woman who used to dress up for every date, now shows up in jeans and sweats. 

Oh yes, it’s that time when the fantasy of phase one subsides and the work of phase two begins. This is the time to ask yourself the big question—“Am I really interested in a committed relationship?” 

To help you search your soul, answer the following questions as honestly as you can and let’s see what’s true for you.

Am I willing and interested in… 

 

  1. Listening and understanding rather than defending and re-attacking my partner?
  2. Learning who my partner is and what makes him or her tick?
  3. Sharing who I am with her or him in return?
  4. Understanding that at times I will be bored, frustrated, and lazy with this relationship (and so will my partner)?
  5. Accepting that healthy relationships take work to sustain?
  6. Working through the tough times knowing that good times will come again?
  7. Growing as a person?
  8. Giving up control, compromising, and finding the win-win whenever possible?
  9. Telling the truth even though it may hurt me, my partner and the relationship?
  10. Understanding that my partner and I are not perfect and will make mistakes along the way?
  11. Figuring out if I like more things than not about my partner?
  12. Forgiving?

 

If you said yes to eight or more questions, then you are definitely ready to take the plunge.  And what about the other four questions? Don’t worry;the best journeys are those that are filled with unexpected twists and turns. You just may surprise yourself.

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you would like more information on how to navigate through the four phases of a developing relationship, visit. www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love.  If you’d like more information on how to create the life you choose and work with me personally, please contact me directly at julie@julieorlov.com or call 310-379-5855310-379-5855 to schedule a session.

Get the support you deserve. Get the help your relationship wants.

As always, I'm here to support you in creating strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life!

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

 

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Sunday
Jul052015

Navigating the Dualities in Relationships

Relationships are full of yin and yang’s.  You want closeness and you need separateness. You need to retain a sense of self and you need to create a sense of we. You need to attend to your partner’s needs and you need to ensure your needs get met.  I could go on and on but you get the picture. There are always tensions between two wants and needs in relationships.

The trick is navigating the tension and making choices over which need requires your attention or deference at that moment in time. Rarely will you achieve the perfect balance. More often than not you will traverse back and forth between the polarities as the situation dictates. This is the work of relationships. This is the nature of life. 

As we all struggle with dualities, here are a few tips to use when having to choose. 

  1. Take a step back and determine who or what has the greater need. If you need a day to rest and your partner really wants to go to her office party, see if you can objectively determine whose need is greater. Go with the greater need even if this requires a sacrifice.
  2. Take the long-term perspective as well as the immediate gratification. When you do, it usually becomes clear what needs your attention and what choices to make.
  3. If you have to make a choice between your individual needs or the relationship’s needs, choose the relationship.
  4. Be willing to sit with the tension for a while. Often we don’t know immediately what path to take. Sitting with things for a time often leads to more clarity. It’s okay to be confused and not know. In reality, sometimes that’s the best place to be—clarity comes with time and patience.
  5. Remember, while you can strive to meet everyone’s needs and keep everything in balance, rarely is this possible. Be willing to accept that a win for one side comes with a loss on the other. This is perfectly okay. The pendulum will swing back and forth throughout your lifetime.

We are continuously dealing with dualities. There will always be competing needs within your relationships. Be thoughtful, take your time and make the best decisions you can. That’s all you can ask for.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their relationships, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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