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“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

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Entries in Couplehood (6)

Monday
Nov252013

Gratitude: ‘Tis the Season

Thanksgiving is the time of year we stop and reflect on all the things for which we are grateful. And while practicing gratitude is a year round job, let's take advantage of the opportunity to formally reflect on the people, things and experiences that bring joy, appreciation and love into our lives, our relationships, and our world.

This past week I've spent some time contemplating what kinds of things I want to add to this year's gratitude list. I thought about being funny. I thought about all the "duh" things I'm grateful for (good health, family, friends, etc.) and I thought about all those things that happen unexpectedly or unnoticed. I decided that since the obvious is the obvious and my sense of humor may work for some but not for others, I would go with number three. So here's my top ten list of unexpected surprises (and some taken for granted givens) that bring gratitude into my heart.

I am grateful for

  1. The times when my dogs snuck out of the backyard and some stranger noticed, caught them, called me and walked the dogs back to my home, safely securing them back into my yard. Neighbors like this are what make a neighborhood feel like family.
  2. Those unexpected thank you cards that arrive in person or by mail, those that are hand written and express gratitude for something I did or said that made a difference. A thank you goes a long way and knowing you made a positive difference in someone's life is gratifying. I know email is convenient but the written word on real paper sends a whole different message.
  3. The woman who sends me a smile and a "have a great run" every time I pass her on the strand. Her warmth and smile makes my day and I appreciate her salutations every time. She extends a greeting to everyone she passes and does so without expecting anything in return. We should all be a bit more like her.
  4. All the people in my life who graciously forgive me when I disappoint or hurt them in any way. Knowing that my intentions are good, being on the receiving end of understanding, compassion and forgiveness for those moments when I did not shine my best, is both humbling and healing. It is not taken for granted.
  5. All the people in my life who have graciously apologized for those times that they acted out in anger or irreverence to my feelings. It takes courage and integrity to take responsibility for your actions and their impact. An apology goes a long way and I know what it takes to extend one. Not always easy.
  6. All the moms out there that helped me as "second, third and fourth Moms" to my kids, carpooling them to soccer games, helping me out when a crisis emerged, and volunteering for PTA's and other extra-curriculum volunteer committees. As a single mother, there are simply times when you are unable to fulfill parenting duties (those goes for married Moms as well). It really does take a village and for all the Moms (and Dads) out there that help each other out, you are truly appreciated. I couldn't have done it without you.
  7. The person who will allow me to cross a lane even when I'm trying to do so at the last minute because I didn't plan in advance or notice I needed to be in another lane to execute a turn or exit. I know this one may sound silly or mundane but when you need to get over to the next lane and someone intentionally cuts you off, it sucks. On the other hand, when someone motions you to go ahead, you feel a part of a community that understands we all have someplace to go and we all make mistakes in navigating our way there. I'm grateful for those that have a cooperative commuter attitude.
  8. Those people who are willing to take on the "messy" jobs in life. When the need arises, I'm grateful for the workers that will fix the toilet, clean the sewers, pick up the trash, put out the fires, clean the wounds, and attend to the elderly that are no longer able to care for themselves. Some jobs are simply more demanding and messy than others and the people who take on those roles with professionalism and a caring attitude make the rest of our lives work better. Don't ever underestimate the value of the person who is willing to clean up after your mess or take care of a responsibility that you would rather not.
  9. The fact that my life is relatively easy. I have clean running water, electricity, a warm house, all the conveniences that modern life has to offer, a way to make a living, good friends, great parents that are still alive, two fantastic daughters, and a man that holds me close every night before I go to sleep. I'm lucky. Not everyone is and I know it. I'm grateful to have this life and hope that in my own way, I contribute to the betterment of others. I do my best although I'm sure my best is not enough.
  10. Those who have committed their life to helping others in need. While my work is directed toward this cause, there are many others that have dedicated their lives in much more significant ways to the betterment of humankind. Our problems are complex and vast here on planet earth. We have not been great stewards to the planet and our fellow living beings (and creatures alike). And while there are still millions that contribute to the problems every day, there are thousands that work to find solutions and alleviate immediate suffering. There are thousands that work tirelessly to protect those that cannot protect themselves. There are still more that advocate for other living creatures with which we share our planet and for the planet itself. I'm grateful for each and every one of you.

I wish all of you a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday. Enjoy your feast and take the time to reflect on your gratitude list. I'd love to know what yours entail so feel free to share! 

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With gratitude,

Julie 

P.S. If you or someone you know wants to create a transformational relationship with the person you love, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

And don't forget to catch my radio/TV show Pathways to Love w'Julie Orlov LIVE every Sunday 1:30pm PST on LATalkLive!

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com

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Sunday
Jun022013

Is the Grass Always Greener on the Other Side?

“The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” – Sound familiar? It should. This well-known phrase captures what every person in or out of a relationship thinks from time to time. If you’re currently single, you may be thinking about how much you miss having a partner—someone with whom you can share love, laughter, and life experiences. You long for someone to hold and be with—a relationship that fills those basic human needs and alleviates your moments of loneliness and emptiness.

If you’re in a committed relationship, you just may be thinking about days gone by when you did not have to answer to anyone—when you could sleep, eat, play and shop—when, where and how you pleased. You long for some alone time and the feeling of independence. You miss your freedom.

I want you to know that “missing” the other side is not only normal, but expected. There are benefits and costs to being single and coupled. There will always be a longing, an appreciation and a loss, regardless of your relationship status. It is not a matter of if you feel these things, it is how you move through these times of discontent. No one package is perfect. So here are some realties and coping strategies to help you deal with your moments of doubt. 

If you are transitioning from singlehood to couplehood, or couplehood to singlehood, here is what you have in store and how you can cope. Be prepared to deal with the following:

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Sunday
Mar102013

The Number 1 Thing that will get you through the Bumps in the Road  

As you settle into a long-term relationship, you settle into its particular rhythm. Every relationship has one and every rhythm is unique to that relationship. Sometimes you will affect your relationship; sometimes life will impact its ebb and flow. Either way, you can be sure that your path will not be a smooth ride without any bumps or detours. Yours may look something like this— Everything has been going just fine for some time until one day you discover that your significant other has kept something from you...

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Sunday
Jan132013

Are you an “I” or a “We?”

One of the tasks couples face as they build their relationship is moving their identity from an “I” to a “We.” Sounds simple enough. You start referring to “our vacation” as opposed to “my vacation.” Or you begin to talk about the future in terms of what “our” future will be. Simply changing the pronoun sounds easy enough but in reality, the pronoun use means so much more than a simple sentence structure would imply. There are certain things that come with the word We—it implies a certain level of commitment and with each level of commitment comes certain responsibilities—this may be the very reason some people pause when consciously or unconsciously selecting a pronoun use. So if you find yourself stuttering when choosing to use I or We, here are some of the reasons why you may be grappling.

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Sunday
Dec092012

What Are Your Deal Breakers?

I have worked with thousands of people over the years. And I have seen countless numbers of people tolerate issues within their relationship that they never thought they would beforehand. One of the exercises in The Pathway to Love Workbook and Guide is to identify your “deal breakers.” This is an easy task for most people. You may believe you know what you can and cannot live with and write these things down with ease. In real life, however, it can be incredibly difficult to follow-through on deal breakers. Knowing is not always doing. Instead, you may find yourself settling and living with issues and people that simply don’t work for you. You may find yourself denying, rationalizing, and pacifying the realities. People do it all the time. And this is why. Once you’ve declared a behavior or trait a deal breaker, your well-being, power, and integrity are at stake. So is your relationship. This is the pull and pressure one has to contend with once you’ve identified a deal breaker. No one likes to face the real possibility that loss is imminent. No one wants to have a broken heart. But in the end, your personal power and well-being are what counts. Ignoring deal breakers will only cause ongoing heartache and pain. So here are my suggestions on how to navigate this delicate issue as your relationship develops and becomes more real.

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