What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in counseling (5)

Saturday
Jan302016

What’s the Rush? Slow Down...

I went to my doctor’s office the other week for my annual physical. He asked how I was doing and I said I was feeling tired, as if my fatigue had a hold of me and wasn’t letting go. He replied by saying that fatigue is the number one complaint he hears from every single person he sees week in and week out. We began to talk about why this is so—why is our culture so driven to do more, faster. Employers demand more output with less resources from their employees every year. Kids have more homework and extra-curriculum activities than any other time in recent history. Americans demand instant gratification in every area of our lives—and the internet and social media have helped deliver on that promise. We not only want services and products delivered in supersonic speed, we have come to expect that information and responses from emails, texts and postings come instantaneously.

Even in the area of relationships, people expect each other to meet our physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual and sexual needs when we have them and in the way we want them met.

No wonder we’re tired.

To manage all this fatigue, we’ve become addicted to adrenaline, energy drinks, caffeine, sugar, illegal and prescription drugs. We need these to keep up a pace that isn’t conducive to our human condition. Basically, we’re a sleep deprived, stressed-out mess.

It doesn’t take long to see the consequences of our never-ending pursuit of “doing more, faster.”

Our physical health, personal relationships and quality of life continues to suffer.

What will it take for us to get the message?

I don’t know. But what I do know is that we all, myself included, need to SLOW Down!

This week I challenge you to slow down. Say no to the assignment that will push you over the edge. Turn off your cell phone and computer. Spend time with your friends and family outside in nature. Sleep in this weekend and take an afternoon nap. Set healthy limits and boundaries. Your life depends on it!

Let’s all slow down….

I’d love to hear what you did (or better said, what you didn’t do) this week to slow down. Feel free to leave your comments by clicking here.  But remember, no rush :-).

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you love wants to create a better life, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Sunday
Nov292015

Healing Only Takes Place within The Space of Love

Everyone has wounds. We accumulate our wounds throughout our lifetime when we experience emotional and psychological injury. Just as you cannot prevent scrapping a knee or breaking a bone, nor can you prevent emotional hurt, pain and trauma. We work hard to protect our wounds from further pain and heal them as best we can. Sometimes we’re successful and sometimes we’re not.

Our wounds get triggered and we protect them in many varying ways. We protect our wounds by

  • Numbing the pain with alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, gambling and sex
  • Attacking others when we feel they might expose our wounds and cause more pain
  • Avoiding situations that may pour salt into our wounds
  • Distracting ourselves from dealing with our wounds via all kinds of self-protective strategies

We respond to others’ wounds in varying ways as well. Some of these include

  • Taking advantage of their vulnerability and using them as a means of control
  • Becoming angry over the impact that their wounds have on them and us
  • Attempting to kiss their “boo-boo” and make it all better
  • Discovering our own wounds through their wounds and competing over which wound is worse and deserves the most attention
  • Finding a way to avoid and abandon those who reveal their wounds because it causes too much chaos 

While we try to contend with our wounds in many different ways, one truth exists.

Wounds only heal within a space of love…

Not intimidation, confrontation, anger or fear…

Only with love can our wounds heal.

So here are some ways to create healing in the world around you

  • Listen to others’ woundedness in the spirit of understanding and acceptance
  • Validate their experiences and provide reassurance whenever possible
  • Have an open heart and show compassion
  • Let others know that you love them unconditionally
  • Express your hopes and desires for them
  • Set boundaries in the spirit of relationship
  • Send them your thoughts and prayers for healing and peace

Wishing all of you healing and peace,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know would like to heal their wounds, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Sunday
Aug092015

Just Say No!

Saying no to what you don’t want opens the door to what you do.

We spend a lot of time and energy trying to get what we want—the right romantic partner, the right job, the right work-life balance. People will utilize all kinds of things to bring in their desired reality. God knows people will sell you just about anything in pursuit of your aspirations. You may have tried visualizing your wants, creating a vision board, making positive affirmations, hiring a coach, or creating a strategic plan. These are not bad things to do and in fact, when you put your attention on what you want, you are certainly more likely to get it.

However, there is more to creating something new and different. You not only need to say yes to what you want, you need to say no to what you don’t. In fact, I’d go as far to say that saying no is a crucial first step to recognizing and embracing something new.

So if you’re tired of

  • Dating people who aren’t good for you
  • Settling for crumbs instead of what you truly deserve
  • Tolerating mistreatment or abuse
  • Getting taken advantage of for your giving and compassionate nature
  • Or anything else that is not working in your life…

Then start saying no.

No to what doesn’t work for you—no to those people and circumstances you will no longer tolerate and accept.

When you make a stand to stay away from those things and people that do not work for you, you take a clear stand for those that do.

Just say no.

And feel good about your commitment to your life!

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you would like more information on how to navigate through the four phases of a developing relationship, visit. www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love.  If you’d like more information on how to create the life you choose and work with me personally, please contact me directly at julie@julieorlov.com or call 310-379-5855310-379-5855 to schedule a session.

Get the support you deserve. Get the help your relationship wants.

As always, I'm here to support you in creating strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life!

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Wednesday
Jun252014

What Kind of Relationship Do You Want to Create?

Think about what kind of relationship you want to create. Then do the following: 

If you want a relationship based on trust, be trustworthy.

If you want a relationship based on intimacy, be vulnerable.

If you want a relationship based on honesty, be honest.

If you want a relationship based on friendship, be a good friend.

If you want a relationship based on playfulness, be playful. 

And so on and so on.

Be the kind of relationship you want. If your partner is up to the journey, travel safely together. If your partner is up to a slightly different journey, meet him where the two roads intercept. And if you and your partner want two very different types of relationships, say goodbye with love and continue on your way.

If you travel the journey that reflects the kind relationship you desire, you will inevitably meet someone like yourself somewhere along the road.

Keep the Faith and Just Keep Walk’in.

If you or someone you know wants to create a strong and intimate relationship, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve.

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com

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Sunday
May052013

Feeling Out of Control?

As you continue to deepen your relationship and take risks, you will have moments when “things” feel out of control. As you experience changes in your life, such as moving in with your significant other, getting engaged, getting married, ending or starting a new job or business, having children, becoming ill, etc. you will find yourself coping with these changes in varied ways. Your personal coping mechanisms have been developing for many years and are activated the moment change occurs and as a result, you feel out of control. Feeling out of control when change is upon you is quite normal. Reacting to feeling out of control is also normal.

What’s surprising is that your coping mechanisms for dealing with change can deceive you. You may believe you are reacting to something else when in truth you are simply struggling with change. It is important to understand this dynamic because what you don’t know may hurt you.

Let me give you some examples. The “something else” can look like

  • Your partner is not paying enough attention to you
  • Your partner can’t seem to do or say anything right
  • You feel unappreciated and unsupported
  • You feel insatiable, like your needs and wants are a bottomless pit
  • You are easily irritated and annoyed
  • You are eating, smoking, drinking, and sleeping— too much or too little
  • You feel overwhelmed, like there is not enough of you to go around
  • You feel like something is wrong with you but can’t put your finger on it

If you relate to any of these and have recently experienced any kind of change in your life, you are suffering from what I call – Control Mania. This entails trying to find something or someway to feel back in control—of yourself, your life, and your relationships.

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