What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

More Reviews

You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Blog Index
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Friday
May302014

How Long Does It Take to Know Your Mate?

As you settle into your relationship you begin to understand that your mate is not exactly the person you thought she was when you first started dating. You now understand that your mate is a complex person with many facets and moods. You start to learn that he doesn't like being rubbed under his chin; she is sensitive when it comes to being criticized for being messy (even if it's done in a teasing way); he is hard to read sometimes and just because he's quiet doesn't mean he isn't having some kind of reaction; she hates mustard; he loves to swim underwater; she won't cry in public; he cries at sad movies; and so on, and so on.

As your relationship grows and you begin to feel like you really do know your mate, one day he inadventantly shares a story about a past girlfriend you didn't know existed. You take a step back. "How could I have not known this about him? Why didn't he share that with me?"

Or one day when you're on vacation, your girlfriend says "Let's play tennis." You look at her in bewilderment as you never knew she played tennis and as turns out, she's pretty darn good. "After ten years together, how could I not know that my wife knows how to play tennis?"

These types of situations happen again and again in the world of relationships. So while these incidences may surprise you, they don't surprise me. It's quite common and normal. As a therapist and coach, I hear it all the time.
 
So how long does it take to fully know your mate? The answer is--a lifetime. Learning your mate never ends. The more you settle into your relationship, the more you realize that it will take a lifetime to truly know the person you love, the person you depend on the most, the person with whom you share your life.

Why, you ask? Well these are just some of the many reasons why you will never fully know the person you love.

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Friday
Apr182014

How Do You Give?

People come in all different shapes and sizes when it comes to giving. Some people give generously while others give sparingly. Wherever you lie on the continuum, giving triggers a lot of things for people. You need to grapple with your fears, judgments, need for control, pursuits of power, and unresolved issues and feelings within your relationships.
 
We all need each other and at times our needs are more desperate than others. We all know what it is like to ask a friend for a favor, a family member to help with a family crisis, or a loved one to help out financially. At one time or another we all need someone's help--we all know what it means to "ask."
 
My question today, is not about how you ask, but rather how you respond to the asking. Do you say yes but secretly resent it? Do you say yes with strings attached? Do you say no for the sake of revenge, punishment, or spite? Or do you say yes, and use the help as a means to punish, shame or control?
 
Most of us at one time or another have given to others in a way that makes us small. We become petty and fearful. Or worse yet, we become coniving--coniving in the sense that we use the opportunity to gain power and control at someone else's expense and usually when they are at their most vulnerable.
  
I know it is difficult for most people to see themselves in a negative light. But we all have a dark side. We all act in ways that are ugly from time to time. So if you recognize yourself in some of the questions above, don't run. This is your opportunity to find more peace and happiness. This is your opportunity to heal.
 
The next time someone asks you to give...

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Sunday
Mar162014

Curing the Annoyance Blues  

One of the benefits of settling into a relationship is you are able to be your true selves with each other and experience each other as such. The downfall to this is that those behaviors that once seemed cute, now annoy you.  Those traits that you thought didn't exist, now show up. And since you feel more secure and able to express yourselves honestly, you are both less likely to hold back your true feelings, including your annoyances. We all know what it's like to be annoyed with others and have others be annoyed with us. Some of you may suffer from this ailment only every now and then while others may suffer from this ailment almost daily.

So, how can we cure the annoyance blues? To help mitigate this inevitable state of dis-ease, I'm offering a few things to consider and do.  Click Read in Browser to access full article.

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Sunday
Feb162014

Growth Does Not Come Without Risk 

Do you want your relationship to deepen? Do you want to feel like you can be totally yourself, be fully self-expressed and live your life from a place of true power? If the answer is yes, then be prepared to be uncomfortable. Growth and deep connection comes out of taking risks. It can be risky to...

Share your deepest fantasies

Reveal your dark or shadow sides of yourself

Ask for what you really want

Say no to what you really don't want

Go after something that feels ambitious and out of reach

Go after that something in partnership with your significant other

Forgive and allow yourself to be vulnerable, even after you've been deeply hurt

Be willing to face and take responsibility for your mistakes, even those that have deeply hurt others

Face your worst fears and move forward courageously anyways

Give your heart fully to another person, allowing yourself to be completely vulnerable and open

Unfortunately, there is no way to grow and stretch without feeling some growing pains.  So if you are willing to venture into the unknown, here are some things you can do to move you and your relationship forward.

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Sunday
Jan052014

7 Things You Can Do To Start The Year Out Right

Now that the New Year is officially underway, I'd like to offer some suggestions on how you can make a fresh start with your loved ones. No matter what has transpired in the past year—good , bad and indifferent—2014 offers you the opportunity to create new ways of relating that promises to bring you closer. Here's a list of 7 things you can start doing today. 

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