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—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

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Thursday
May282015

How Do You Accept the Things You Like the Least in Your Partner?

I have a wonderful husband. There are definitely more things about him I like than dislike. At the same time there are a couple of things about him I dislike a lot. In fact, if I had truly known these things about him and how they would impact me and our relationship in the very beginning, I just might have left. But here we are now, married, and better for it. Yet somehow I need to find peace with those things about him I dislike. This is the real deal. This is the necessary work of relationships.

As I struggle with this work myself, I wanted to reflect on how to help you with your own version of likes and dislikes in your partner or spouse. So in the spirit of community, I thought we would struggle together on this one. You see, there really isn’t a quick fix. This is a process—one that shifts with time—one that rears its ugly head without warning—one that fades away with love.

Here are seven things you can do (as well as I) to help you along the journey to acceptance and peace.

  1. Become acquainted with the serenity prayer. You really do need to accept the things you cannot control; change the things you can; and find the wisdom to know the difference.
  2. Chances are your partner doesn’t necessarily like those things about him or herself either—or at the very least—has conflicted feelings about his ways of coping and behaving. He too, is aware of the impact his behaviors and habits have on himself, others and his relationships. Certainly, he is very aware of the impact he has on you.
  3. People aren’t perfect. People are wounded. Your loved one is on his own path of discovery, healing and transformation. Show compassion.
  4. Your significant other has his own list of dislikes as they pertain to you. You have a negative impact as well. You are not perfect either.
  5. If your spouse is willing to change a behavior that is unacceptable, that’s a good thing. Focus on the efforts made. Appreciate the changes in behavior. Know your spouse is trying to please you and make things better. If his behaviors are annoying but acceptable, let the small stuff go and be grateful. Get perspective. Things could be a lot worse.
  6. Understand that those things that bother you and hurt you the most are things that rub against your own wounds. Take the time to understand yourself. Take the time to go inward and attend to those wounds that are still hurting. Show compassion toward yourself.
  7. Remember, time really does heal. Those things that annoy, hurt or disgust you today may be things you laugh about in years to come. You and your relationship will grow with time. Circumstances change with time. People shift with time.

Lastly, remember that your relationships can be a source for healing. Taking the time to truly understand, love and support each other creates a safe haven from which to heal, grow and flourish. Becoming familiar with the four phases of a developing relationship will give you the understanding, perspective and skills to move through these four phases with more grace and ease. To learn more, visit www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love.

If you or someone you know is struggling in their relationships and want to find more acceptance and peace, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

 

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