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“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Thursday
Jan152015

When Do I Speak Up and When Do I Keep Quiet? 

People get excited when they meet someone new. We put on our best "face" and watch our p's and q's. We don't want to share too much too soon for fear of judgment and rejection. And in some respects, this is wise. The beginning of a relationship is devoted to having fun and getting to know someone slowly over time. I know for me that if I knew some things about my husband when we first went out that I know now, I might have sent him packing. But as we get to know someone in the fullness of who they are, we understand things that occurred in their lives within a greater context. Too much too soon can be a bad thing. TMI is sometimes very real.

On the other hand, we should never give our power away for fear of judgment and rejection. We hold back from speaking out early on in our relationships when it is not in our best interest. We hold back from sharing our truth even in well established relationships and lose ourselves because of it. We give our power away too often and too easily. There are circumstances from which we should never let fear of judgment, rejection or ridicule silence us. 

These include

  • When someone does something that feels disrespectful.
  • When you have a point of view that is important to you even when that point of view is in opposition of another's.
  • When someone asks or expects you to be someone that you are not.
  • When someone asks you a direct question about who you are or your past. Even if you have some shame around a particular issue, it is important to be honest and own who you are. Establishing a habit of hiding who you are and lying about certain events will always come back to haunt you. This leads to distrust, not intimacy.
  • When you have an important need or want. These need to be framed within the context of a request and sharing information rather than a demand or ultimatum. 

In relationships it is always better to communicate openly and honestly. A relationship based on two people feeling free to be who they are will win in the end.

So take the time to differentiate between those things that need to be said and those things that don't. Choose your battles. Choose your timing. Take your time in getting to know someone and allowing someone to know you. Always maintain your personal power and integrity. Always hold your boundaries. Always choose your well-being over your fear. You and your relationship will thrive because of it. 

If you or someone you know struggles with communicating in their relationships, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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