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—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

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I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

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Friday
Apr182014

How Do You Give?

People come in all different shapes and sizes when it comes to giving. Some people give generously while others give sparingly. Wherever you lie on the continuum, giving triggers a lot of things for people. You need to grapple with your fears, judgments, need for control, pursuits of power, and unresolved issues and feelings within your relationships.
 
We all need each other and at times our needs are more desperate than others. We all know what it is like to ask a friend for a favor, a family member to help with a family crisis, or a loved one to help out financially. At one time or another we all need someone's help--we all know what it means to "ask."
 
My question today, is not about how you ask, but rather how you respond to the asking. Do you say yes but secretly resent it? Do you say yes with strings attached? Do you say no for the sake of revenge, punishment, or spite? Or do you say yes, and use the help as a means to punish, shame or control?
 
Most of us at one time or another have given to others in a way that makes us small. We become petty and fearful. Or worse yet, we become conniving--conniving in the sense that we use the opportunity to gain power and control at someone else's expense and usually when they are at their most vulnerable.
  
I know it is difficult for most people to see themselves in a negative light. But we all have a dark side. We all act in ways that are ugly from time to time. So if you recognize yourself in some of the questions above, don't run. This is your opportunity to find more peace and happiness. This is your opportunity to heal.
 
The next time someone asks you to give...
 
Give freely. Release your time, money, possession, and effort the moment it leaves your mind, body, home or bank account. Release it with love. Don't expect anything in return; don't try to control it once the gift has been given. And most importantly, don't use it as a weapon for past hurts.
 
And if you choose to say no...
 
Say no freely and with love as well. Don't resent the asker for asking. Don't judge the person, the request and the need. Saying no from a place of love ensures that your no comes from a place of integrity. 
       
So if you choose to give, give freely. Release your gift. Send it off with love. And continue on your way.

If you or someone you know wants to create a strong and intimate relationship, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve.

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com

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