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“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Saturday
Oct042014

3 Questions to Ask Yourself before Sleeping with Your Ex

I get tons of emails from people who are having sex with their ex. Some struggle with the realization that it is not good for them but have difficulty cutting the cord and staying away. Others find the situation harmless and claim that the casual encounters meet their needs. And while these readers say they accept the fact that they will never get back together with their ex, I can't help but wonder why they look to me for final approval. Is there an underlying concern? Are they in denial?

To help all of you out there who have or may be considering having sex with your ex, here are 3 questions to ask yourself before deciding if having sex with your ex is right for you.

  1. Are you completely clear and comfortable with the situation as is? In other words, is there any part of you that secretly wishes the relationship could be different? If so, you might want to reconsider.
  2. Are there any other people involved in your or your ex's life who are unaware of your sexual relationship? If so, you may want to reconsider as your integrity and the well-being of others are at stake. You don't want to be a part of any deception or betrayal where others get hurt by your actions.
  3. If at any time this arrangement no longer feels good or right for you, do you feel able to walk away easily? If not, then there may be an addictive quality to this behavior and you may want to explore what that is about. Addictive behaviors are very destructive.

Lastly, be aware that continuing to stay connected to your ex may get in the way of you finding a new relationship. If you want to create an intimate relationship with someone new, you might want to think again.

Having said all this, if you passed the litmus test above, then you have my blessing to continue seeing your ex (that is, if you wanted it or needed it to begin with). If you and your ex are both completely open and honest with yourselves and each other about expectations and are both on the same page, then I don't see anything wrong with enjoying each other in a sexual way from time to time.

If you or someone you know is struggling with an ex, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

As always, I’m here to support you in creating strong and intimate relationships.

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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