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“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

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Sunday
Sep292013

What Does a Good Relationship Feel Like?

A good relationship is like a good bottle of wine. It gets better with time. There is no substitute for time. Relationships develop; they just don't magically spontaneously emerge. It takes consistent effort and attention to grow a relationship. If you put the effort in, the pay-off is yours for the keeping.

During phase one*, relationships feel good, scary, uncertain, idealized, dreamy—a roller-coaster ride.

During phase two*, relationships feel settled in, yet rocky. This is the time when struggles, disappointments, and conflicts are at their peak. This is when you begin to build your relationship muscle. This is the time when you wonder why you're here and how long you want to stay. This is the time you fear your significant other will leave or betray you in some way. This is a different kind of ride—one that feels more settled and solid but with more unease, unrest and doubt.

If you do the work of phase one and two, you begin to reap what you've sown.  You move into phase three*. This is when a relationship feels GOOD all the time and GREAT most of the time.

If you've never had this kind of relationship or if you've never been around a couple that has this kind of relationship, this may feel foreign to you. If you want this kind of relationship, then it will help if you can imagine what it feels like to be in a good relationship. This way, you'll recognize it when it comes your way, accept nothing less, and begin to understand what it takes to get there.

To help you with this, I've written a short visualization for you. Record it if you like, or simply imagine what it feels like to be there. Picture yourself in this kind of relationship and it just might come true for you!

Imagine yourself feeling totally at ease with your partner. You are able to tell him anything and everything. You feel supported and heard. You feel understood and accepted. You feel cared for and loved. You feel safe. You know that when tough times hit, you will be there for each other. You know what makes each other tick, you know each other's vulnerabilities and ways you cope when stressful times occur. You know both yours and his strengths and weakness and complement each other's accordingly. You know there will always be a smile and a hug when you see each other at the end of the day. You know you can trust your partner in every way—both of you will be your word, keep the communication open, and forgive those moments when your less desirable traits come out. You don't take it personally and know deep down the love is there. You find that as life continues to hand you challenges, you and your partner work as a team, handling situations as they arise with collaboration.  You also know that the goal is never to be right or win—you both talk about differences in a way that promotes understanding and creative problem solving. You both put the relationship's needs first and trust that the relationship will take care of both of yours. 

And even though there are still those exacerbating moments when you'd like to strangle her neck—you quickly remember how much you love this person and how you can't imagine life without her. Your heart is open and full. You feel lucky and blessed to have each other. It's taken time and a lot of work to get here and because of that, you appreciate what your relationship has become all the more.

This is what a good relationship feels like—it moves with ease, it's based on trust, it continues to expand, and it’s full of love and affection.

Here's to wishing all of you a strong and intimate relationship!

If you or someone you know wants to have a strong and intimate relationship, please don't hesitate to contact me. I am here to provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

As always, I’m here to support you in creating a transformational life and strong and powerful relationships.

Be well,

Julie

*Phase one, two and three are part of The Pathway to Love, a developmental approach to understanding and growing relationships in powerful and healthy ways. For more information on The Pathway to Love books and programs, visit www.JulieOrlov.com/24-hour-relationship-help 

P.S. And don't forget to catch my radio/TV show Pathways to Love w'Julie Orlov LIVE every Sunday 1:30pm PST on LATalkLive!

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com

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