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I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

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Sunday
Jun022013

Is the Grass Always Greener on the Other Side?

“The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” – Sound familiar? It should. This well-known phrase captures what every person in or out of a relationship thinks from time to time. If you’re currently single, you may be thinking about how much you miss having a partner—someone with whom you can share love, laughter, and life experiences. You long for someone to hold and be with—a relationship that fills those basic human needs and alleviates your moments of loneliness and emptiness.

If you’re in a committed relationship, you just may be thinking about days gone by when you did not have to answer to anyone—when you could sleep, eat, play and shop—when, where and how you pleased. You long for some alone time and the feeling of independence. You miss your freedom.

I want you to know that “missing” the other side is not only normal, but expected. There are benefits and costs to being single and coupled. There will always be a longing, an appreciation and a loss, regardless of your relationship status. It is not a matter of if you feel these things, it is how you move through these times of discontent. No one package is perfect. So here are some realities and coping strategies to help you deal with your moments of doubt. 

If you are transitioning from singlehood to couplehood, be prepared to deal with the following:

At times you will experience

  • Less time to see friends and family as you had previously been accustomed to.
  • Less time for yourself
  • Eating more and possibly gaining weight (singles tend to eat less)
  • A lack of sleep—sleeping with another person can be disruptive, especially if they snore, roll over, or talk in their sleep
  • A loss of autonomy in how you spend your time and money—this increases as your relationship moves toward more commitment and marriage
  • Yearning for the days when you could date different people and party more
  • Less freedom to independently make life choices and act accordingly

If you’ve transitioned from couplehood to singlehood, be prepared to deal with the following: 

At times you will experience

  • Too much free time on your hands
  • Feeling lonely and alone
  • Fantasizing that everyone out there is happily in love
  • Missing a companion to share your life with
  • Feeling like people (or you) think there’s something wrong with you if you’re not in a relationship
  • Missing the touch and connection of intimacy, both emotional and physical

Regardless of what side of the fence you currently reside, here are some general guidelines to help you cope.

  1. Recognize when you are feeling a loss or a missing
  2. Understand that these feelings are transient—they will pass—it doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship, or lack thereof, is bad
  3. Find ways to soothe and comfort yourself as you move through the feelings
  4. Engage in activities that fill those unmet needs appropriately. Some suggestions include creating space for yourself; getting away with friends for the weekend; making sure you have enough human touch—or at least get some “furry friend” touch; letting your partner know your need for ______; problem-solving on how you and your partner manage your money, time, and meals; and so on.

In the meantime, enjoy and appreciate the side of the fence in which you currently reside. Know that there is a time and place for all pastures. Understand that while it’s normal for the other pastures to look greener from where you stand from time to time, someone else from afar is thinking the same of you and yours’.  Be in the moment. Know the missing will pass and take care of yourself and the people you love each step of the way.

If you or someone you know is struggling with appreciating life as it stands today, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I am here to provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

As always, I’m here to support you in creating a transformational life and strong and powerful relationships.

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com

P.S. And don't forget to catch my radio/TV show Pathways to Love w'Julie Orlov LIVE every Sunday 1:30pm PST on LATalkLive!

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