What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

More Reviews

You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

Join the Conversation:

  

Blog Index
The journal that this archive was targeting has been deleted. Please update your configuration.
« Are you an “I” or a “We?” | Main | Settling In and Peeling Away at the Onion »
Sunday
Dec092012

What Are Your Deal Breakers?

I have worked with thousands of people over the years. And I have seen countless numbers of people tolerate issues within their relationship that they never thought they would beforehand. One of the exercises in The Pathway to Love Workbook and Guide is to identify your “deal breakers.” This is an easy task for most people. You may believe you know what you can and cannot live with and write these things down with ease. In real life, however, it can be incredibly difficult to follow-through on deal breakers. Knowing is not always doing. Instead, you may find yourself settling and living with issues and people that simply don’t work for you. You may find yourself denying, rationalizing, and pacifying the realities. People do it all the time. And this is why.

Once you’ve declared a behavior or trait a deal breaker, your well-being, power, and integrity are at stake. So is your relationship. This is the pull and pressure one has to contend with once you’ve identified a deal breaker. No one likes to face the real possibility that loss is imminent. No one wants to have a broken heart. But in the end, your personal power and well-being are what counts. Ignoring deal breakers will only cause ongoing heartache and pain. So here are my suggestions on how to navigate this delicate issue as your relationship develops and becomes more real.

  1. Identify your top three deal breakers. Understand that this list is a work in progress. Your deal breakers may (and probably should) change as your relationship unfolds and develops with the person you love. What you thought was a deal breaker may not end up being one and what you never considered may become a real issue in real time.
  2. When an issue comes up in your relationship that elicits concern and pain, take the time necessary to determine if the behavior or trait is truly a deal breaker or not. Look at the issue from all sides. Be objective and seek objective opinions from others.
  3. Then, be subjective. You may understand an issue but if in the end it continues to cause you sufficient pain, then all the understanding is moot. You may understand why your mate can’t control her spending but in the end may be simply unwilling to live with the financial and emotional consequences. Or you may understand why your mate has angry outbursts and truly know it has nothing to do with you personally but may still be unwilling to live with the impact.
  4. Don’t apologize for your deal breakers. There are no right and wrong deal breakers. There are only behaviors and traits that work and don’t work for you. What someone else may be able to tolerate may be something that you are not. We are all on our own pathways. Each relationship is unique.  Honor your deal breakers. If you’ve spent time contemplating on what makes this a deal breaker for you and have looked at it from all angles, you have done your due diligence.
  5. Now, honor yourself. Have the courage to suffer the loss. Have the courage to feel the heartbreak, humiliation, disappointment, hurt, and fear. Be willing, able, and prepared to walk away. Honoring deal breakers takes courage. But in the end, not only will you be better off because of doing so, your relationship will be as well—which leads me to my final point.
  6. Unless you draw a line in the sand, your mate will not have the opportunity to respond, change, and transform. The relationship will not have the opportunity to respond, change, and transform. There are no guarantees that the relationship can be saved, but without honoring your deal breakers, I promise you the relationship is doomed. Many people rise to the occasion. Many relationships become stronger and more intimate.
  7. And finally, if the relationship cannot be saved, then you will have moved on with more dignity, personal power, and a commitment to yourself. Remember, your most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. Don’t ever sacrifice that—you live with you forever!

If you have not yet purchased The Pathway to Love at-home program, I highly suggest you do this today. First, you will have all the tools you need to create powerful relationships throughout your lifetime. Second, you will be guided step by step on how to move through the four phases of a developing relationship with power and grace. And three, for the month of December, I am offering an additional hour of coaching on each Gold Package purchased. This is a deal that won’t happen again so please take advantage of my holiday gift to you and yours.

If you need more personalized help in identifying and honoring deal breakers, please don’t hesitate to contact me. You don’t need to struggle alone. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

As always, I’m here to support you in creating strong and powerful relationships. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com

References (76)

References allow you to track sources for this article, as well as articles that were written in response to this article.
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: Parcel Delivery
  • Response
    Response: giYRmMwi
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    seiko gs
  • Response
    Response: Hollister
  • Response
    Football is truly one particular of the biggest sports in America. It has a main following.
  • Response
    Response: longchamp taschen
    For this article. I think the authors write very well. Content lively and interesting. Details are as follows:longchamp taschen
  • Response
    Nice Site, Maintain the great job. Thanks.
  • Response
    Response: this contact form
    Nice Website, Keep up the excellent work. Thank you so much!
  • Response
    Response: Hollister France
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?,ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಮಾಹಿತಿ ವೀಕ್ಷಿಸಬಹುದು ಸಂಬಂಧಿತ ಲೇಖನಗಳು ನೋಡಲು ಬಯಸಿದಲ್ಲಿ ಈ ಲೇಖನ, ಆದರೆ ನಿಖರವಾದ ಬರೆದಿದ್ದಾರೆ:Hollister France,http://hollister-france1.weebly.com/1/category/hollister/1.html
  • Response
    Response: relationship tips
    Julie Orlov, relationship expert, therapist and coach writes about becoming a couple in a monogamous committed relationship. She give relationship advice for couples that are committed to each other and learning about how to communicate.
  • Response
    Response: More suggestions
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: http://osmand.net/
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: view site…
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: sofas for Sale
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: More Tips
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: official statement
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: bingo uk
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: Check This Out
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: mission.tv
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: www.pg29.com
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: see this site
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: http://uram54.com
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: starting betting
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: dumpsters
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: look at these guys
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: seo perth
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: seo company
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: Rainbow.aquz.biz
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: modular kitchen
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal Breakers?
  • Response
    Response: NikeXXX
    Nutme NikeXXX g Orchid Society to host twelve-monthly display To the west HARTFORD The particular Nutmeg Declare Orchid Community Reveals Discover Our own Bloomers! Show in addition to Sales. A Nutmeg Point out Orchid Contemporary NikeXXX society (NSOS) ho
  • Response
    Julie Orlov, relationship expert, therapist and coach writes about becoming a couple in a monogamous committed relationship. She give relationship advice for couples that are committed to each other and learning about how to communicate.
  • Response
    Julie Orlov, relationship expert, therapist and coach writes about becoming a couple in a monogamous committed relationship. She give relationship advice for couples that are committed to each other and learning about how to communicate.
  • Response
    julieorlov - Settling In - What Are Your Deal

Reader Comments

There are no comments for this journal entry. To create a new comment, use the form below.

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>