What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Sunday
Sep112011

“I want to hold your hand” (In the words of Lennon and McCartney)

I was walking down the street one day when an elderly couple caught my eye.  They were holding hands and still looked at each other with loving affection.  The husband even stole a kiss from his “girl” as they walked into the ice cream shop.  I was so drawn to the couple that I decided to stop in the ice cream shop myself.  At some point we struck up a conversation.  They told me they had been married for 60 years.  I asked them what their secret was.  Here is what they told me.



They said that they never stopped their courtship.  They held hands, looked out for each other when crossing the street, and made sure they kissed each other every day in a way that said, “I love you.  You’re the one for me.”  They made a point to only flirt with each other and went out of their way to write love notes every now and then.  They ended and started each day with a hug.  In essence, they made affection a priority.

When you first fall in love, being affectionate with each other is as natural as breathing.  You simply can’t keep your hands off each other.  You want to touch and be touched.  It is an important part of the courting-dating ritual.  But for many couples, these behaviors get lost or at least diluted, after many years of being together.  Life gets busy.  Children are distracting.  Resentments build and affection dissipates.

Maybe it’s a matter of which came first, the chicken or the egg, but there is a clear correlation between emotional disconnect and physical disconnect with couples.  It is also clear that relationships in trouble need to attend to both.  But for those of you who are just starting out or who want to keep the positive momentum alive, here’s what I suggest.

Make affectionate gestures a priority.  Give your mate a hug, kiss, or squeeze every day.  Make time to cuddle before going to sleep.  Hold hands, walk arm in arm, remember what it felt like to be in the courtship phase, creating romance and connection.  I promise you will feel better about your mate, your relationship, and yourself.  Honestly, affection is the best cure for disconnect.  It reminds you why you fell in love in the first place.

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com 

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