What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

More Reviews

You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Blog Index
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Sunday
May222016

When is Enough Really Enough? 

This article isn’t about what you might think it is. It’s not about when to call it quits. It’s about creating a win-win for you and others. It’s about being satisfied with what is, rather than always looking for something bigger, better or perfect.

We live in a society that thrives on striving for more—more money, bigger houses, fancier cars, perfect bodies, ideal partners. We are bombarded with messages on how what we have and who we are is not enough. Our economy depends on this. If we don’t want more, spend more, generate more, demand more, then we (and our economy) will wither away. But is this really true?

If we look to our eco-system, the opposite is true. In nature, equilibrium is the ideal state. When the brush gets too big, a brush fire brings the environment back in balance. If a herd of caribou becomes too large, predators, illness or a rough winter kills off some of the herd and returns the herd to a size that is sustainable. Nature does not run on the paradigm that bigger is better. It runs on the rule of homeostasis. It understands that there is a sweet spot when enough is enough. And when this becomes out of balance, nature will always find a way to slow down or stop growth until a healthy state of equilibrium returns.

So let’s take a look at our own lives. Is your life in balance? Are you striving for more in one area of your life at the cost of another? Are you working too many hours in order to get “more”, only to lose in the quality of your interpersonal relationships? Do you expect your partner to get it right all the time at the expense of your overall happiness? Can you be satisfied with what you have rather than putting off feeling at peace until something bigger or better comes along?

The secret to life is being a peace with what is—understanding that when your equilibrium is out of whack, you are able and willing to course correct in order to regain a state of balance. It is crucial that we return to our basic nature of nature. While growth is important and inevitable, the laws of nature require that homeostasis and equilibrium circumvent uncontrolled growth. In other words, we need to be able to say “enough is enough” and mean it. We need to commit to sharing resources in a way where everyone’s needs get met. We need to take a stand against growth just for the sake of growth, especially when that growth does not meet the needs of the greater whole.

So the next time you feel you need for a bigger house, a bigger paycheck, or a bigger set of life affirming objects, stop and think again. Is your life in balance? Are others’ lives in balance? When is enough really enough? The best gift you can give yourself and others is the gift of being able to “win” with what is.

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you or someone you know would like to create more win-win’s, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Thursday
Mar312016

Let’s Talk About Sex

Sexual intimacy is an important aspect of a romantic committed relationship. And yes, for the most of us, the intensity and lust in a long-term relationship fluctuates over time. That doesn’t mean in only has a downward spiral—it means that how a couple experiences and creates their sexual intimacy will shift in all directions throughout the lifetime of the relationship. This is based on a number of factors including

  •          Familiarity
  •          Trust
  •          Boredom in the bedroom
  •          Health status
  •          Stress level
  •          Children – newborns, teenagers, empty nestees
  •          Age
  •          Relationship issues, including levels of conflict and connection
  •          Hormone levels and sex drive
  •          Prioritizing sexual connection and intimacy
  •          Work demands and work fulfillment
  •          Fatigue
  •          Fitness
  •          Sexual experimentation
  •          Comfort with one’s body and sexuality
  •          Openness in communicating needs and desires
  •          Desire to please one’s partner
  •          Making sex playful and fun
  •          Major life events and changes

As you can see from the list above, human sexuality and sexual intimacy in relationships is quite complex. Couples need to attend to their sexual relationship with the same intentionality that they do in other areas (e.g., finances, raising children, resolving issues, life changes, extended family, etc.).

Here are some things to consider if you feel your sex life and sexual intimacy is not where you’d like it be.

  1. Communicate – keep the lines of communication open in regards to how you are feeling about your sex life and what, if anything, would you like to be different. Your partner can’t work on pleasing you if he/she does not know how you are feeling and what would make things better.

  2. Accept – there may be differences between your and your partner’s needs when it comes to sex. There is no right or wrong in how often you have sex or how you like it. It is important to respect and accept your differences without making anyone wrong. Find a way to navigate the differences so each partner can get some, if not all of their needs met. Stretch your comfort zone, accommodate your partner’s needs, and find ways to make sex safe, playful and meaningful for both of you.

  3. Connect – it is important to maintain intimacy and connection regardless of how that is accomplished. Sex is only one way to create connection. If someone is dealing with a lot of stress or an illness or you just had your first baby, give yourselves a break and take the pressure off the bedroom. Holding hands, cuddling and listening to each other may be the best way to connect for the time being. 

  4. Be patient and know the pendulum will swing back again. If you are both committed to creating and re-creating your passion for one another, be assured that the passion is not lost. If you’d like a more active sex life, then see how you can create some energy around this. Take the initiative. Be proactive and look for opportunities to reignite the spark.

  5. Take the opportunity to see what changes need to made in yourself, your relationship and your life. A lack of sex drive or interest may be a signal that something needs to change. You may need to address your life style, work load, communication, health or relationship. And don’t forget to get some help if you’re stuck. There’s no reason to go at this alone. In fact, getting outside help from a qualified professional may be the solution you need.

If you or someone you know is unsatisfied with their sexual intimate relationship, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Be well,

Julie

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Saturday
Feb272016

Quotes for the Week--Make Your Relationship Count!

"Someone once told me a story about long term relationships. To think of them as a continent to explore. I could spend a lifetime backpacking through Africa, and I would still never know all there is to know about that continent. To stay the course, to stay intentional, to stay curious and connected - that's the heart of it. But it's so easy to lose track of the trail, to get tired, to want to give up, or to want a new adventure. It can be so easy to lose sight of the goodness and mystery within the person sitting right in front of you."

--Joy Williams

Take this week and enjoy the journey of exploring your partner in new ways. You just might be surprised to find new delights.  Enjoy!

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know want to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life,  please don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Saturday
Jan302016

What’s the Rush? Slow Down...

I went to my doctor’s office the other week for my annual physical. He asked how I was doing and I said I was feeling tired, as if my fatigue had a hold of me and wasn’t letting go. He replied by saying that fatigue is the number one complaint he hears from every single person he sees week in and week out. We began to talk about why this is so—why is our culture so driven to do more, faster. Employers demand more output with less resources from their employees every year. Kids have more homework and extra-curriculum activities than any other time in recent history. Americans demand instant gratification in every area of our lives—and the internet and social media have helped deliver on that promise. We not only want services and products delivered in supersonic speed, we have come to expect that information and responses from emails, texts and postings come instantaneously.

Even in the area of relationships, people expect each other to meet our physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual and sexual needs when we have them and in the way we want them met.

No wonder we’re tired.

To manage all this fatigue, we’ve become addicted to adrenaline, energy drinks, caffeine, sugar, illegal and prescription drugs. We need these to keep up a pace that isn’t conducive to our human condition. Basically, we’re a sleep deprived, stressed-out mess.

It doesn’t take long to see the consequences of our never-ending pursuit of “doing more, faster.”

Our physical health, personal relationships and quality of life continues to suffer.

What will it take for us to get the message?

I don’t know. But what I do know is that we all, myself included, need to SLOW Down!

This week I challenge you to slow down. Say no to the assignment that will push you over the edge. Turn off your cell phone and computer. Spend time with your friends and family outside in nature. Sleep in this weekend and take an afternoon nap. Set healthy limits and boundaries. Your life depends on it!

Let’s all slow down….

I’d love to hear what you did (or better said, what you didn’t do) this week to slow down. Feel free to leave your comments by clicking here.  But remember, no rush :-).

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you love wants to create a better life, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Sunday
Nov292015

Healing Only Takes Place within The Space of Love

Everyone has wounds. We accumulate our wounds throughout our lifetime when we experience emotional and psychological injury. Just as you cannot prevent scrapping a knee or breaking a bone, nor can you prevent emotional hurt, pain and trauma. We work hard to protect our wounds from further pain and heal them as best we can. Sometimes we’re successful and sometimes we’re not.

Our wounds get triggered and we protect them in many varying ways. We protect our wounds by

  • Numbing the pain with alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, gambling and sex
  • Attacking others when we feel they might expose our wounds and cause more pain
  • Avoiding situations that may pour salt into our wounds
  • Distracting ourselves from dealing with our wounds via all kinds of self-protective strategies

We respond to others’ wounds in varying ways as well. Some of these include

  • Taking advantage of their vulnerability and using them as a means of control
  • Becoming angry over the impact that their wounds have on them and us
  • Attempting to kiss their “boo-boo” and make it all better
  • Discovering our own wounds through their wounds and competing over which wound is worse and deserves the most attention
  • Finding a way to avoid and abandon those who reveal their wounds because it causes too much chaos 

While we try to contend with our wounds in many different ways, one truth exists.

Wounds only heal within a space of love…

Not intimidation, confrontation, anger or fear…

Only with love can our wounds heal.

So here are some ways to create healing in the world around you

  • Listen to others’ woundedness in the spirit of understanding and acceptance
  • Validate their experiences and provide reassurance whenever possible
  • Have an open heart and show compassion
  • Let others know that you love them unconditionally
  • Express your hopes and desires for them
  • Set boundaries in the spirit of relationship
  • Send them your thoughts and prayers for healing and peace

Wishing all of you healing and peace,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know would like to heal their wounds, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...