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“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in relationship problems (3)

Sunday
Jan172016

Avoid These 6 Signs of Desperation in 2016

I published this article a year ago and thought it would be a good reminder for all of you who have made New Year resolutions on finding and making new love work. I have found that people who want something so desperately can find themselves acting in desperate ways. And desperation is the quickest way to lose your personal power and integrity. So in the spirit of having a powerful and successful year, read on.

Nothing turns people off more than desperation and neediness. And if you are getting serious about finding love in 2016, you will want to stay away from people who need you to make themselves whole, fixed, or stable. And you certainly don't want to be a desperate dater yourself.

Whether you are a seasoned dater or just staring out after a hiatus, here are 6 signs of dating desperation.

1. You leave a message or send a text to your new love interest but can't wait comfortably for the person to call or text you back. You obsessively look for their reply or worse, you text or call again within 24 - 48 hours.

2. You turn down invitations from friends and family because you want to leave yourself open "just in case" he or she calls you and wants to get together.

3. You say yes to everything your new love interest suggests and allow the relationship to be on his or her terms for fear of rejection.

4. You rationalize, tolerate or ignore bad dating behavior. These include breaking dates at the last minute, arriving very late without calling, changing plans on you without asking, and other disrespectful behaviors. If you're not sure what behaviors constitute disrespect, you are probably tolerating too many of them.

5. You're focused on if your date likes you or not, or if your date will want to see you again. You are NOT focused on if you like your date or not, if you want to go out with him or her again, or if this person treats you with the respect you deserve.

6. Even when this person tells you they are not interested in a relationship, dating you exclusively, or dating you at all, you ignore this and pursue him or her even more, convinced that this person is the one for you.

If you recognize yourself or someone you care about, I strongly encourage you to get help. You may be suffering from temporary insanity--a paralysis of power--often stemming from some kind a crazy response that this individual elicits. Or you are suffering from chronic anxiety and low self-worth. Either way, help is available. Feel free to call 310-379-5855 or write and schedule an appointment. There is a way for you to reclaim your power, confidence and self-respect.  And if that's not enough, you will certainly have better dating experiences and relationship results.

Here's to a successful year of love!

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know wants to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Friday
Jun192015

Even Smart Women Get Fooled

I receive a lot of emails from women who feel embarrassed and foolish. They describe situations where they have been seduced and charmed by men only to be hurt, betrayed and dumped weeks or months later.

These women all share the same story. They describe themselves as smart and savvy. They say that while they want a healthy intimate relationship they are not desperate. They describe their experiences pretty much the same way. It goes like this...

I met this great guy. He swept me off me feet. He was so charming and made me feel wanted and loved. He came on fast but demonstrated that he was all in--his actions matched his words. We had many talks about what we wanted from a relationship. He told me he wanted marriage and could definitely see a future with me.  

I was cautious at first. I wanted to make sure that he was the real deal. I kept clear boundaries. He needed to pursue me and I needed to make sure I was treated with respect. Eventually I fell in love and was all in. I began to make him a priority, probably at the expense of my own needs and other responsibilities (e.g., I gave up time with my kids, I left work early, I accommodated his schedule and needs).  Eventually, I found myself making excuses for little behaviors that felt "off."  I rationalized his actions that no longer matched his words and worked hard to get my "great" guy back.

One day, it all came out. I found out he was ________(fill in the blank: married, seeing other women, didn't have a job, was in bankruptcy--you name it--a situational atrocity that caught me blindsided).  Or one day, he simply said he was moving on. Or worse, one day he just disappeared, never returning my calls or texts. He just dumped me without a single thought.

I was crushed. I lost all confidence in myself and my judgment. I was a fool for love and I can't believe I let this man get the best of me. What is wrong with me?! Why didn't I see this coming?!


If you can relate to some or all of this story, here's what I want you to know...

1. Even smart women get fooled. There are men (and women) who are expert manipulators. They have been doing this for years and know exactly how to hook and reel people in. Give yourself a break.

2. You will learn from this experience and will not easily be fooled again. Next time you find yourself being swept off your feet, get your balance and proceed with caution. Smart women can get fooled once, maybe twice but never more than that. So don't worry, you will learn from your experiences and take better care of yourself next time.

3. Find out what made you vulnerable to his advances. What is your Achilles heel? In what way are you most vulnerable? Knowing this is how you inoculate yourself from future harm.

4. Master the four phases of a developing relationship. Understanding what each phase entails and how to navigate through them effectively will enable you to build strong and intimate relationships--ones based on mutual understanding, respect, acceptance and love.

5. Be kind to yourself. Everyone has been blindsided and fooled by someone who had his/her own interest at heart, not yours. We run into them all the time. If you get caught in the one of their traps, simply get out, shake it off and move on. There are plenty of great people out there with integrity and a kind heart.

If you'd like more information on the four phases of a developing relationship and want to order The Pathway to Love at-home program today, click here. You and your relationships deserve it!

And if you'd like to schedule a one-on-one session with me so you can understand what is working well, identify what is getting in your way and learn how to create the relationship you want, call me today at 310-379-5855. I'm here to help!

Be well,
Julie

 

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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