What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in looking for love (14)

Friday
Feb192016

Dating with the End in Mind

In addition to working as a psychotherapist, I also work as a Consultant for organizations and businesses. In that role, I facilitate strategic planning sessions and leadership/team development programs. One of the ways I work with executives on strategic planning is to start with the end in mind. We clearly define the goal and then work backwards to determine major milestones and tactical action items. It may sound counter-intuitive but in actuality, starting from the finish line and working your way back is a very effective way to set and achieve goals.

For those of you who are ready to date or newly dating (and for anyone else who just wants to learn how to set and reach goals), starting with the end in mind may be the difference between creating what you want or not. Follow these simple guidelines and see for yourself.

  1. Get very clear on what kind of relationship you want. Describe the relationship in concrete terms—e.g., want to eventually be married, monogamous, live in a house in the Seattle area, both have satisfying and fulfilling jobs, want 3 children, visit family often, take adventurous vacations, enjoy taking our two dogs for walks, etc.
  2. Determine what qualities and traits are most important to you in a partner. Only list 3-4 traits—select them wisely and make sure they are traits that enable your ideal relationship to grow.
  3. Determine who you need to be. List the qualities and traits you need to have in order to be a partner who can co-create your ideal relationship with someone else.
  4. Think of places where you will find people that are interested in the kind of relationship you desire? For example, if you want someone who likes to be social and adventurous, you would want to sign up for social events and adventures. Or, if you want to be with someone who is physically fit, you would want to spend time at a fitness center or doing activities that require a fit lifestyle.
  5. Consider how you will know that this person has the interests and traits you are looking for? Be prepared to put in the time and get to know someone. Don’t meet someone and interview them—people are either put off by this or will tell you what you want to hear if they like you. Only time and shared experiences will give you the validation you need. Enjoy getting to know someone. Take the pressure off yourself and know it can take a year or three to find out if he or she is the one. In the meantime, have fun!
  6. Be willing to walk away if it turns out that this person is not a good fit. Don’t commit to someone hoping he or she will change. If you truly want different things or your mate demonstrates behaviors that do not match your top three traits, it will be better to suffer the loss now.
  7. Be open to discovering that your concept of the ideal relationship has changed. Sometimes we think we want something only to discover what we want is right in front of us. Love has a funny way of doing that. Just make sure your personal integrity is intact and the relationship has the capacity to continue to grow.

Be intentional about your desire to create the relationship you want. Be open to who and what comes your way. Get out of your way and live your best life.

If you or someone you know is having trouble finding quality people and creating strong and intimate relationships, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Be well,

Julie

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Sunday
Jan172016

Avoid These 6 Signs of Desperation in 2016

I published this article a year ago and thought it would be a good reminder for all of you who have made New Year resolutions on finding and making new love work. I have found that people who want something so desperately can find themselves acting in desperate ways. And desperation is the quickest way to lose your personal power and integrity. So in the spirit of having a powerful and successful year, read on.

Nothing turns people off more than desperation and neediness. And if you are getting serious about finding love in 2016, you will want to stay away from people who need you to make themselves whole, fixed, or stable. And you certainly don't want to be a desperate dater yourself.

Whether you are a seasoned dater or just staring out after a hiatus, here are 6 signs of dating desperation.

1. You leave a message or send a text to your new love interest but can't wait comfortably for the person to call or text you back. You obsessively look for their reply or worse, you text or call again within 24 - 48 hours.

2. You turn down invitations from friends and family because you want to leave yourself open "just in case" he or she calls you and wants to get together.

3. You say yes to everything your new love interest suggests and allow the relationship to be on his or her terms for fear of rejection.

4. You rationalize, tolerate or ignore bad dating behavior. These include breaking dates at the last minute, arriving very late without calling, changing plans on you without asking, and other disrespectful behaviors. If you're not sure what behaviors constitute disrespect, you are probably tolerating too many of them.

5. You're focused on if your date likes you or not, or if your date will want to see you again. You are NOT focused on if you like your date or not, if you want to go out with him or her again, or if this person treats you with the respect you deserve.

6. Even when this person tells you they are not interested in a relationship, dating you exclusively, or dating you at all, you ignore this and pursue him or her even more, convinced that this person is the one for you.

If you recognize yourself or someone you care about, I strongly encourage you to get help. You may be suffering from temporary insanity--a paralysis of power--often stemming from some kind a crazy response that this individual elicits. Or you are suffering from chronic anxiety and low self-worth. Either way, help is available. Feel free to call 310-379-5855 or write and schedule an appointment. There is a way for you to reclaim your power, confidence and self-respect.  And if that's not enough, you will certainly have better dating experiences and relationship results.

Here's to a successful year of love!

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know wants to create strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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