What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Thursday
Mar122015

Being Comfortable in Your Own Skin

Sounds simple enough. You've been you since you were born. You've not been able to really get away from yourself. In truth, you're with yourself all the time. And yet, sometimes you find it hard to be alone with you. You will find all kinds of distractions--work, the internet, friends, drugs, food, television, casual sexual encounters--you name it. You don't really understand why you avoid you--all you know is that you feel anxious, restless, depressed and have all kinds of self-deprecating thoughts when you are left alone with you. You believe you will find your happiness outside of you, you believe your ability to be powerful depends on things outside of you, you look for validation that you're "okay" from other people, titles, institutions. 
 
So what is it about yourself that you want to avoid, deny or escape? Why is it so umcomfortable for you to be in your own skin?
 
Here are some possibilities...
 
You're scared that the negative feeling and place you're in will never go away.
In truth, what you are feeling and your life's circumstances are transient. They will pass.
 
You believe that the negative thoughts you have about yourself are true.
In truth, most of the negative thoughts you have about yourself are false. And for those that deserve your attention, the longer you wait, the more pain, shame and suffering you will endure.
 
You believe that if you accept things the way they are, you are giving up the fight for something better.
In truth, the sooner you accept what is, the sooner you can relax and be with what is. The sooner you do this, the sooner you can see a way out and take action.
 
You are scared to be alone and feel like something bad will happen.
In truth, if something bad is going to happen, it really won't matter if you're alone or not. You alone have to go through your life and process all that happens. While having supportive friends and family makes life better, they can't do your life for you.
 
You feel lonely by yourself and prefer the comfort and pleasure of companionship.
In truth, this is a normal way to feel from time to time. Rarely is someone alone for long indefinite periods of time. Learning how to tolerate moments of loneliness and enjoying time alone with yourself is a very healthy and adaptive way to move through life.
 
There are most likely other reasons why it's hard for you personally to be comfortable in your own skin. I invite you to share what they are with me and others. In likelihood, you are not alone in this--no pun intended.
 
Take some time to enjoy being with yourself. Learn to get comfortable in your own skin. Be a better friend to yourself and you just might discover something new.
 
Be well,
Julie 
Friday
Feb062015

Where Did All the Good Men Go?

For those of you that believe there are no good men out there, I have good news and bad news.

The bad news is as long as you believe men are not interested in commitment, intimacy, women their age, or responsibility, you will probably continue to find men that meet your expectations.  Yes, there are men that fit those categories but there are many more men that don't.  I have found that men rise to the standards of the women they meet and want. So if you are frustrated in the quality of men you are meeting, ask yourself the following questions. And by the way, these same questions apply to men who are looking for quality women.

1. Where are you meeting men? Find activities, friends and communities where you are more likely to meet men that want what you want. Don't hang out at your local bars or on-line dating sites if you are frustrated in the quality of men there.

2. Are you saying "no thank you" to men that lack interest, respect or qualities that you desire? Stop waiting for a man to suddenly become what you need. If he isn't courting you or treating you accordingly, move on. Saying no to what you don't want is just as important to saying yes to what you do. Sometimes you really do need to kiss a lot of frogs before finding the one. The  trick is to stop spending unnecessary time hanging out with the frogs. Once you know he is a frog, let him go.

3. Are you too attached to being right? If you believe there are no good men out there, then that may be what you see, no matter what. Start recognizing the good ones out there (whether they are single or not) and begin to create a new belief system. There are many wonderful men in the world. And there is no reason why you can't meet one of them.

Which brings me to my last question...

4. Have you looked in the mirror? I hate to be blunt, but just maybe the problem lies with you. Take a good look at yourself. Get an outside professional perspective. You may have issues that are getting in your way. It simply may not be "them."

There are countless stories of people of all ages who have met wonderful mates and have begun wonderful relationships. Don't buy into the myth that all the good ones are gone. And don't buy into the myth that men only want.... fill in the blank. Start believing and acting on the belief that there are wonderful men who would feel lucky to meet a wonderful woman like yourself!

If you or someone you know needs help in finding love, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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