What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in relationship challenges (18)

Sunday
Jun052016

Got Conflict?

Most, if not all of the arguments you have with other people stem from one or both of you trying to get the following needs met:

  • You want to be understood and validated.
  • You want to be right.
  • You want to get your way.
  • It’s a simple as that.

There are four quick and simple steps that prevent arguments from continuing to go around in circles or escalate to mean and hurtful fights.

These are

  1. Seek understanding of the other person’s position first.
  2. Validate the other person’s feelings and thoughts first.
  3. Find out why it is important to other person that you believe them.
  4. Find out why it is important to the other person that they get what they want.

As hard as this may be to do when you feel passionate about your own needs, perspectives and feelings, do your best to put your needs on hold and focus on the other persons’ needs first. Doing so creates the space for your feelings, thoughts and needs to be heard next. Once both of you feel heard, understood and validated, it becomes much easier to find a solution that works for both of you.

Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you or someone you know is experiencing too much conflict with others, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Friday
Apr252014

What You Need to Know About Acceptance

I wrote an article about acceptance some years back but thought the topic is so important that I'd write an updated version of the same. A lot of people are now talking about "unconditional love" and the act of acceptance. I've been writing about this for years. And yes, part of the process of creating transformational relationships is to come to a place of acceptance--acceptance of both yourself and your mate. It is part of phase three in The Pathway to Love and is the gateway towards an incredibly intimate, passionate, and fulfilling relationship.
 
However, there are important things to know about what acceptance truly means and what it does not. There are other things to know about how one goes about getting there. So in the interest of setting things straight, here's what you need to know.

I highly suggest you click Read in Browser to access the full article. This information is too important to miss!

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Sunday
Jan122014

Did You Know January is The Month of Divorce?  

Did you know that the highest number of people filing for divorce occurs each January? This occurs for several reasons including 

  • Most people don't have the heart to file for divorce and leave their spouse during the holidays—especially if they have kids.
  • People often wait to see if their spouse will do something, anything, to save the marriage and more often than not, they end up falling short. Furthermore, most of the time the spouse did not even know that this final test was in place.
  • People begin to realize that their family life is not what they thought it was. They determine that the relationship is so bad that staying for the sake of their children no longer makes sense. They experience so much disappointment during the holidays that their last hope dissolves.
  • Spouses drink too much, eat too much, argue too much, stress out too much. Sometimes this is the straw that breaks the camel's back.

If you find yourself getting ready to file for divorce and throw in the towel, you might want to wait until February. Take the time to make sure that your marriage is truly over and not the victim of the pre and post-holiday drama. It is definitely worth taking one more look to see if there's any possibility to turn things around. 

If you or someone you know is contemplating divorce, contact me today! Investing in a session to see if there marriage can be revived is well worth it. Soliciting the help of a qualified licensed professional will ensure that you've covered all your bases and can determine next steps with peace of mind. And believe me, working on your marriage is far less expensive than navigating a legal divorce. You're worth it, you're family is worth it, and your marriage is worth it. Call today at 310-379-5855 or 1-888-997-2847 or email me to schedule your consultative session today.

Be well,

Julie

 

P.S. Don't forget to catch my radio/TV show Pathways to Love w'Julie Orlov LIVE every Sunday 1:30pm PST on LATalkLive!

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com

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Sunday
Dec082013

The Parable of The Boiled Frog

I want to tell you a story about frogs. I know this doesn't sound like it pertains to relationships but I promise you, if you hang in there long enough, you'll get the analogy.

Here's how the story goes.

If you place a living frog in a pot of boiled water, the frog will jump out of the pot and save himself. He knows that danger lurks and his life depends on getting the heck out of there. However, if you place a frog in a pot with tepid water and slowly raise the temperature until it hits the boiling point, the frog will remain in the pot and die.

Because the temperature rises at such a slow rate, the frog doesn't notice that anything is wrong until it is too late. When the crisis hits, he is unable to escape from the boiling water. His inability to discern danger when it accumulates slowly over time is the cause his demise. His ability to adapt, tolerate and accommodate to his slowly changing and seemingly benign environment  may serve the frog in the short run—but in the end, does him in.

Now, turn your attention to your most significant relationship. What dynamics are continuing to build—dynamics that if go unnoticed and unaddressed will be the cause of your relationship's demise?  What is your version of the parable of the boiled frog?

Most relationships have at least one dynamic that will chip away at its foundation slowly over time if left unnoticed. For some, it is the addiction of one person and the collusion to that addiction from the other.  For others, it's one person’s inability to deal with their fears and anxieties and the other person's persistence in taking care of those feelings for them, often at the expense of their own needs and feelings. And for others, it's one person's resistance to growing up, taking risks and being responsible and the other person's controlling behaviors that enable their mate to stay stuck and small.  Whichever dynamic speaks to you, at the end of the day, you, your mate, and your relationship are at risk. Overtime, the temperature rises and health becomes impossible. Without a healthy environment, living beings begin to wither. Relationships, spirit, love, and emotional health are at stake.

While the dynamics may differ slightly from relationship to relationship, the results are the same. When two people accommodate each other's desire to avoid, deny, and sustain unhealthy ways of being, they keep each other safe and small. What they don't realize is that they are just like the frogs living in tepid water, water that is slowly rising in temperature until that one fateful day when they will unknowingly perish within the boiling waters.

So how can YOU avoid this from happening in your own relationship?  Here are a few things you can do to wake up and feel the temperature. Click Read in Browser to find out now!

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Saturday
Sep072013

Love and Relationship Q&A with Julie Orlov - How Do I Handle Co-Parenting with My Ex?

Love and Relationship Q&A with Julie Orlov - How Do I Handle Co-Parenting with My Ex? Relationship Help is on the way! Learn how to handle differences in parenting with your ex and what to do when your ex puts you down in front of the kids.  Watch as I explain how to deal with these issues as you co-parent your children after divorce.

Now that summer is over and the kids are back in school, parenting is once again, front and center. Parenting is tough enough for two parents to negotiate within an intact marriage, but if you're divorced and working with an "uncooperative" ex-spouse on parenting issues, the challenges can be enormous.

Today's question addresses how to deal with differences in parenting as well as what to do when an ex puts down and sabotages your parenting efforts and authority. This is common in families with two separate households. However, conflicts about parenting issues are one of the main issues over which married couples argue. So regardless of your status, this video will shed some light.

Enjoy the video and full article by clicking Read in Browser

 

To view the video on YouTube, go to http://youtu.be/3dPtWEnq7-A

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