What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

More Reviews

You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in relationship advice (15)

Sunday
Jun052016

Got Conflict?

Most, if not all of the arguments you have with other people stem from one or both of you trying to get the following needs met:

  • You want to be understood and validated.
  • You want to be right.
  • You want to get your way.
  • It’s a simple as that.

There are four quick and simple steps that prevent arguments from continuing to go around in circles or escalate to mean and hurtful fights.

These are

  1. Seek understanding of the other person’s position first.
  2. Validate the other person’s feelings and thoughts first.
  3. Find out why it is important to other person that you believe them.
  4. Find out why it is important to the other person that they get what they want.

As hard as this may be to do when you feel passionate about your own needs, perspectives and feelings, do your best to put your needs on hold and focus on the other persons’ needs first. Doing so creates the space for your feelings, thoughts and needs to be heard next. Once both of you feel heard, understood and validated, it becomes much easier to find a solution that works for both of you.

Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you or someone you know is experiencing too much conflict with others, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Saturday
Mar052016

The Power in Speaking from The “I”

Communication is the lifeline for relationships. It is the way we understand one another, ask for what we need and want, and express how we feel. We resolve issues, generate understanding and create intimacy through our words. And yes, our words matter. How we communicate can make the difference between a conversation resulting in connection or conflict.

Here is one communication strategy that will help you diffuse defensiveness and move the conversation toward resolution and intimacy.

When you find yourself disappointed or judging your partners’ actions (or inactions), talk about you instead of focusing on your partner and what they did or didn’t do. Speak from the “I”. 

For example, instead of saying,

“Why would you park in an isolated parking structure rather than on the street where there are restaurants and people around? This is just stupid!”

Say,

“I worry about your safety and feel anxious when you park in places that I believe are unsafe. And when I’m not with you, I feel frustrated that I’m not able to ensure your safety.”

Feel the difference? When you speak from the “I”, you let your partner know more about who you are, how you feel and what’s important to you. It is less about judging or shaming the other person. In doing so, your partner will feel less defensive and more empathic toward you. Generous listening is easier. Responding with understanding and compassion increases. The ability and desire to find a solution that makes both parties comfortable increases. You set the stage for a win-win.

Let me give you another example.

Instead of saying,

“That idea is just crazy. You will never be able to get all that done and still be on time for my family get together.”

Say,

“I’m worried that you will not be able to get to my family’s celebration on time. It is a big deal to be on time in my family and when I am unable to control this or feel like you may make us late, I get very anxious.”

Picture yourself on the receiving end of both examples and see which one you would rather hear. How differently do you react based on hearing the different versions? When we speak from the “I” we communicate something about ourselves. We don’t assume or judge another. We create the space to receive support and understanding. We communicate in a way that leads to cooperation and problem-solving as opposed to power struggles and defensiveness.

Take some time this week to practice speaking from the “I” and let me know how it goes.

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know is struggling with communication within their relationships, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Sunday
Jan032016

Make Sure Your Relationship does NOT Become Another Post-Holiday Statistic!

Did you know that the highest number of people filing for divorce or ending their relationship occurs each January? People often hold out until after the holidays before breaking up or filing for divorce. I don’t want this to happen to you!

If you find yourself getting ready to file for divorce or throw in the towel, you might want to wait until you’ve taken the time to really understand what is happening in your relationship. Make sure your relationship is truly un-fixable and not the victim of post-holiday disappointment and drama. It is definitely worth it to take one more look and see if there's any possibility to turn things around. 

To help you in this endeavor, I am offering The Pathway to Love program at a 20% discount for the month of January. So don’t wait and order your copy today!

The Pathway to Love at-home program is not about getting your partner to “do” anything or “be” a certain way. Without a deep and profound understanding of both your partner’s internal motivations and your own, all you’ll be doing is addressing the symptoms. The fight over one thing will become a fight over something else tomorrow. The contempt won’t really disappear. It’ll just get buried until the next time something triggers you or your partner. The only way to address the core of what’s really wrong is through discovering who both of you really are and what it is that each of you needs from your relationship.

I walk you step-by-step through this process, in the privacy and comfort of your own home! 

Here’s how it works:

The Pathway to Love book will teach you about all the challenges and opportunities in the four phases of a developing relationship, helping you identify which phase you’re in right now, and illustrating how couples evolve their relationships to greater levels of intimacy. 

The Pathway to Love Workbook will take you, step by step, through a series of questions and reflections that you can do on your own or with your loved one that will move you from your “stuck” state of conflict to resolution and understanding. You’ll have an opportunity to deeply explore your true fears and desires and to learn things about your partner you’ve never known before. You’ll feel your love and trust build with every exercise and question.

The Pathway to Love Audio Guide is a candid recording of real sessions with real clients as they work with me to move through their specific struggles. You’ll hear me advise a woman who is distraught over a boyfriend who stops returning calls, help a wife and mother decide whether to stay married after her husband had an affair, and offer guidance to a couple who can’t seem to agree on how much closeness and affection is enough. By listening to these real sessions, you’ll see The Pathway to Love program “in action” and be able to apply the core lessons to your own situation.

The Pathway to Love program will also enable you to:

  • Go from struggle, fighting and disappointment to feeling deeper love, deeper trust, and more security in your relationship
  • Explore the truth about yourself and your partner so you can fully accept yourself and your partner and stop feeling “triggered”
  • Redefine, reignite, and breathe new life into your relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together or how much distance you’re feeling now
  • Create the right conditions from which you and your partner can heal, grow, and transform

If you...

  • want to feel secure and loved in your relationship,
  • Have understanding and acceptance from your partner,
  • End the fighting and struggle so you can experience peace of mind,
  • And enjoy having your partner listen to and care about your needs,
  • So you can stop feeling so alone in your relationship…

Then The Pathway to Love will help you on the journey to transforming your relationship from one of struggle and pain to one of true intimacy and profound love.

Let me show you how to work through what you’re experiencing and get more love, more affection, and more understanding from your relationship. The key to your well-being and happiness lies in how well you are able to navigate the challenges and opportunities in love. Let me show you my unique, step-by-step method for transforming conflict into greater intimacy.

ORDER THE PROGRAM NOW And receive a 20% discount - download the PDFs and MP3 files, and be reading and listening within minutes! As a bonus, I’ll also mail you a regular hardcopy of both the book and workbook.  I’ll even include a download of my interview on Carol Allen’s Interview with Enlightening Experts as well as my live presentation on The Pathway to Love recorded during my talk at The Center for Spiritual Living.

Wishing you a year of profound love and transformation,

Julie

P.S. Here's what people are saying about The Pathway to Love program and how it changed their lives...

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

“The Pathway to Love, for those who did not experience love as a child and fear relationships, is a journey of self-discovery.  You will acquire a whole new appreciation for who you are and what you can bring to your relationship with yourself and others. Orlov demonstrates not only how we affect and create our relationship with ourselves and others but how they can affect us in return on the creative journey of self-discovery and self-love.”

— Bernie Siegel, M.D., author of 365 Prescriptions For The Soul and 101 Exercises For The Soul

“A mercifully easy read, when love certainly isn’t, the book describes the ‘Four Phases of Love.’  Assessing at which level of development sample relationships are floundering, Dr. Orlov shows us the keys to the next door to intimacy with the encouragement that self-discovery will be the ultimate prize.”

—Melanie Chartoff, Actress, Writer

“A little book with a gigantic message... The Pathway to Love is an outstanding guide to building strong and intimate relationships in your life. I give this book a hearty cheer and found it not only informative but very enjoyable.”

—Rhonda Kendle, Spokane, WA

“You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.”

—Irene Conlan, Ph.D.

Julie is a great communicator and facilitator. I am still amazed at how her program, The Pathway to Love, is impacting my life on a daily basis. Her approach to understanding and improving relationships is easy to implement and I noticed results from the very first time I used some of the tools – and I’m just beginning the process. Thank you, from one Julie to another – I am now confident that I can have a better relationship with my husband, and I am grateful!

  –Julie Jennings, Partner, Shirlaws

“Knowing is not doing! This workbook is your path to actually doing what Julie teaches. Like any great guide, the workbook takes your hand and shows you the step-by-step, self-discovery process to reach your relationship destination. I encourage you to start your journey today.”

—Dave Jensen, Executive Coach and Educator, DaveJensenOnLeadership.com

ORDER THE PROGRAM NOW 

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Sunday
Jan252015

What Do You Do When Your Spouse Can't Keep a Job? Julie Orlov's Q&A Video Response Awaits!

Given that the economy is still on the mend, I thought it would be helpful to do an encore presentation of my video Q&A "Help, My Wife Can't Keep a Job!"  This video explores how to deal with a spouse who doesn't keep her word in securing and maintaining employment. In today’s economy, it is not uncommon for couples to fight about money and employment. People are having more difficulty securing and maintaining employment and this results in a lot of fear, anxiety, and conflict. Learn how to approach this sensitive topic and ways that help resolve this and similar issues in your relationship.

Remember, things are rarely black and white. There are typically multiple factors affecting and at the effect of relationship issues. This video offers you a process from which to explore and uncover what is taking place and why, and what you can do to move forward toward a satisfactory resolution.

To watch this and other Julie Orlov videos on YouTube, click http://youtu.be/060YWDhN4WQ

To watch this video and access other articles on relationships, click Read in Browser and enjoy all the resources offered at JulieOrlov.com.

Enjoy!

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know struggles with on-going conflict in their relationships, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Saturday
Oct112014

Why Those Same Old Issues Never Seem to Go Away

Every couple has their core issues. Some are relatively minor, some are quite serious. Some issues can be handled easily and resolved quickly. For example, a couple may have different needs when it comes to spending time together. One person may require a lot of time on their own, while their partner needs more together time. In this case, couples may find a middle ground that works for both of them. With love and understanding, this couple can find the compromise that works. They may need to tweak their agreement from time to time, but overall, this issues does not wreak a lot of havoc—they understand and handle the differences without taking it personally.

Other issues are more complicated. There are deeper wounds attached and behavioral change is not so simple. These issues create a domino effect as one partner's behavior creates a reaction in the other that triggers more acting out in one’s partner that then creates even more distress for the other and so on and so on. I'm sure you can relate to having this kind of issue in your current or past relationship. It may involve an addiction, a destructive way of handling feelings, or other preferences and coping skills that cause negative consequences for the relationship.

We all have developed coping skills. Some work well for us but not for others. Some are overall healthier than others. Regardless, deeply ingrained coping strategies are hard to change. Thus, these issues tend to come up again and again in relationships. They have to. It takes time and repetition for someone to release a maladaptive way of coping and create a replacement strategy. This involves a lot of self-awareness, commitment and discipline in making a change. In all honesty, some people can do this and some cannot. Even with the best of intentions, the results aren't guaranteed.

So if you are experiencing an issue in your relationship that continues to come up again and again, understand that this is normal. Both you and your partner need to know that change occurs slowly over time and a commitment to see this through is required from both of you. Even under the best of circumstances, breakdowns will occur.

For example, let's say your husband (or wife) has a temper. He deals with his frustration and anger in ways that you find hurtful and unacceptable. He yells and demonstrates contempt for you when he's angry. He personally attacks you and finds ways to make sure you know that you are the problem, not him. This causes you to feel utterly belittled, hopeless and resigned. Eventually things calm down, you do what it takes to reassure your husband, point out what doesn't work for you, work towards normalizing the relationship again. Sometimes he will apologize and sometimes not. He understands he has a temper but has difficulty controlling it and reining it in once he's "lost it."  You have gone to counseling for this and continue to work on the issue as a couple. Progress has been made. Your husband understands why he gets angry and is working on calming down before saying anything. However, he still loses his temper every now and then in ways you find hurtful and damaging.

You wonder if your husband will ever change. You wonder if you can live with this for the rest of your life. Every time he slips you forget all the times he has been successful in managing his anger in more constructive ways. You feel hopeless instead of remembering that both you and he committed to dealing with this issue, understanding it will take a long time for him to truly integrate a new way of being. You forget that even under the best of circumstances, people are human and under stress, primitive ways of coping can take over.

So what can you do to deal with the same issue that still haunts the relationship? Here are things to remember when those same old issues come up again.

  • Remember, as long as you are both committed to making things better and take action to do so, progress is being made.
  • Expect breakdowns. They are a part of life and no one is perfect. As long as they are occurring less and less, you can relax and know things are moving in the right direction.
  • Always make sure that you are attending your end of things. Even if your partner's issues have nothing to do with you, you are responsible for how you deal with them. Make sure you work on you.
  • Focus on what your partner does right and how he pleases you. Give your partner credit for his intentions, efforts and progress made. It's the best reinforcement for continued change.
  • Lastly, know that dealing with each other's imperfections and woundedness is part of the deal. Relationships provide fertile ground for healing. In doing so, this requires ongoing patience, forgiveness and love. It also takes a willingness to take responsibility at all times for one's actions and continuous recommitment to do better next time.

So you decide if there are reasons enough to hang in there for the entire ride. Know there will be up hill climbs, steep vertical falls and lots of thrilling curves along the way. Buckle up. No one said relationships were straight and level roads--but that's the very thing that makes them so worthwhile.

If you or someone you know needs help in dealing with your relationship challenges, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

As always, I’m here to support you in creating strong and intimate relationships. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...