What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

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You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in love (16)

Wednesday
Sep302015

The Number One Myth My Clients Believe

I have worked with all kinds of clients with all kinds of issues over the years. The number one myth that people believe is that once you have an “ah ha” moment and “let it go” then the issue will be gone forever. Never will you have to feel the pain associated with the past; never will you have those disturbing thoughts that stem from outdated beliefs about what happened and what you made it mean.

Here‘s the truth. You can have an insight; you can understand what makes you tick and why;you can release the feelings and beliefs associated with the past. And, it is quite probable that those automatic reactions, beliefs and feelings will surface once again. You can forgive someone for deeds done and understand that it is quite possible, even probable that you will need to forgive that same person for the same deed again and again.

It takes a long time—some would say a lifetime—to truly let something go. It’s like building a muscle. You need to continually work on developing the skills to recognize when something from the past has been triggered again, engage in a reality check, remind yourself that the old way of reacting no longer serves you and your relationships, and let go, once again.

It is through the practice of letting go that true letting go occurs. A wise person knows that the body and mind have a powerful memory. It takes time and repetition before the body and mind will release their grip on what they thought was so. It takes time and repetition to reassure the body and mind that it is safe to let go and adopt a new way of thinking and being. And, it takes time and repetition to acquire mastery in this process.

So the next time you say, “I thought I was past this already; what is wrong with me?“

Simply respond by saying “Nothing is wrong; I simply need to let go… again.” 

And one day you just might discover that old issue has lost its grip and a new perspective is alive and well.

If you or someone you know is struggling with letting go of old issues, feelings and beliefs, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

 

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Monday
Aug242015

Love and Relationship Q&A w'Julie Orlov "Why is it so difficult to forgive?"

Today's question deals with how difficult it can be to forgive someone who has hurt or disappointed you. This video Q&A talks about the power of forgiveness, how to move from anger and defensiveness toward forgiveness and why it will set you free!

Click “Read in Browser” to access the video. And for those of you that rather read than watch, enjoy my article on the topic entitled “The Art of Forgiveness” right below the video.

To view on YouTube, go to http://youtu.be/5BqKDzWP2dY

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Sunday
Aug162015

Quote for the Week!

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

Look at the person you love, the person in the mirror, the stranger on the subway. Look into their eyes and know that there is light within the shadow and shadows beyond the light. Embracing all of who we are is The Pathway to Love

Make this week a journey of self-discovery. Make this week a practice of acceptance. Make this week a commitment to understanding.

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you would like more information on how to create the relationship you want, visit The Pathway to Love.  If you’d like more information on how to create the life you choose and work with me personally, please contact me directly at julie@julieorlov.com or call 310-379-5855 to schedule a session.

Get the support you deserve. Get the help your relationship wants.

As always, I'm here to support you in creating strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life!

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Saturday
May022015

5 Ways to Get Your Power Back and End Emotional Abuse

If you've ever been in a controlling relationship, you know how easy it is to get caught in its web.

It usually starts out with a simple suggestion like, "Do you think that outfit is the best you can do for the banquet tonight?" or "I think you're better off ordering the salad," or "You should get a real job and stop all that nonsense about making it as an artist."

At first, you take the suggestions as a reflection of love and concern. After all, the comments are not that far off base, and you certainly don't want to appear unappreciative or defensive.

At this stage of the relationship, you want to please your mate, not alienate him or her. It's more important to appear receptive and understanding of your partner's opinions than to challenge them. You don't consider what he's doing emotional abuse.

Some time goes by. You now notice that your significant other's opinions of you continue to be critical. Only now, there is an emotional undertone that suggests if you don't abide by his opinion, he will be angry, punitive and emotionally manipulative. The scariest times come when you believe the threats of rejection and abandonment.

The cycle has repeated itself in such a way that somehow, you've become sucked in and are believing the rhetoric. Or, at the very least, you've been trying to manage the critical outbursts.

You're now so consumed with keeping your partner's emotional judgments at bay that you have trouble considering if the demands have crossed over into an abusive and inappropriate arena. Your judgment is clouded.

You continue to ask yourself, Is it me or him? You feel anxious around him, believing that somehow you can make things right again; you want to feel the love you did when the two of you first got together.

Deep down, your biggest fear is that his opinions of you are right ... that there really is something wrong with you, and you just may not be lovable the way you are.

The bad news? You are now caught in the web. The good news? There is a way out. It is so important to understand what control is really all about. Let me show you the way.

Here's what controlling behaviors are really all about:

  • His own sense of helplessness and powerlessness.
  • Getting someone else (like you) to make him feel OK.
  • Wanting to hand-off his own anxieties so he doesn't have to deal with them himself.
  • Ensuring that you will never abandon or reject him/
  • Projecting his deepest fears of being inadequate and unlovable.

Note: His controlling behaviors are never about you.

Here are five steps to getting out from under his control:

1. Get your power back.
The quickest way to do this is to be willing to walk away from the relationship if need be. This enables you to move forward with the next steps from a place of power, not a place of fear.

2. Set limits on his criticism and emotional outbursts. 
Let your partner know that you are open to hearing his concerns about your actions and how they affect him, but will no longer engage in conversations that attack who you are as a person.

3. Consider your partner's concerns.
What are you willing to do for him? What is completely off the table? Make sure you align these requests with your personal well-being and integrity. Don't agree to do things simply in order to keep the peace or save the relationship, especially if deep down you know it isn't right for you.

4. Be clear and honest with yourself first, then your partner.
Consider your values, goals and needs. Make sure your decisions are in alignment with your highest self, needs and all. Let him know what you can and can't do for him. Whatever you do, do not be intimidated. Have a powerful "no" and make it clear that he will need to accept the "no." If he can't, then it may be best for the two of you to part ways.

5. Find people and experiences that celebrate who you are.
Find ways to reconnect with the powerful person you truly are, i.e. someone that would never tolerate being treated in such a manner. Engage and connect with other people that support and love you for exactly who you are.

At the end of the day, only you can decide if his controlling behavior is something you are willing to live with or not. Relationships should be something that supports your growth, not something that diminishes it.

Love celebrates who you are; it does not put you down. You deserve to have a powerful and loving relationship. So start with yourself. Love yourself enough to take the first step in reclaiming you.

If you or someone you know struggles with emotional abuse in their relationships, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Sunday
Mar012015

A Classic Relationship Issue that Stands the Test of Time

It’s a classic difference between men and women that inevitably causes friction. And if this issue is not acknowledged and worked out, it can and has threaten many a relationship. So what is it? Let me give you an example with a story about Diane and Bob, a married couple.

Diane comes home one day and starts to tell Bob about the horrible day she had at the office. She tells Bob that her manager called her in and began to blast her for submitting a report that was lacking necessary data. She goes on to say how her manager was out of line and rather nasty when it was her co-worker, not her, who was responsible for that part of the report. In addition, her manager completely dismisses her rebuttal and says that she is still holding her responsible for the final project. Diane thinks that her manager is secretly “in love” with her co-worker as she always lets him slide on things and never gives her a break.

Bob listens attentively. When Diane takes a breath, Bob responds.

Bob starts to first ask questions like, does Diane have a document that states what part of the report is her responsibility and what belongs to her co-worker. Bob asks a few more clarifying questions and then goes on to give multiple suggestions on what Diane should do in regards to dealing with her co-worker, her manager and her job. His suggestions are reasonable and sound. But after Bob finishes his response, Diane is annoyed.

Diane goes on to say “Well, that really isn’t the point. I don’t think you understand.” Bob replies with “Of course I understand. I think you’re missing the point.” And the friction continues until Diane storms out of the room declaring how Bob is insensitive, arrogant and always thinks he knows what’s best. The argument has now turned into a competition over who is right, who is smarter, and who knows best.

Sound familiar?

So if you’re a typical woman, you know exactly where Bob went wrong. He went straight into trying to solve Diane’s problem before lending an empathetic and sympathetic ear. Diane was really needing Bob to listen and empathize with her, not solve her problem.

And if you’re a typical man, you know exactly where Bob was coming from. He loves his wife and doesn’t like to see her unhappy. He’s had lots of experience in these matters at his own place of work and wants to help Diane solve the problem so she doesn’t get more grief from her boss. His intention is to be helpful to his wife. He feels sideswiped when she responds with anger and annoyance as if he was the bad guy. His annoyance builds as he feels his wife doesn’t appreciate his intentions and instead attacks him for trying to help.

Here’s my advice to Diane and Bob.

I suggest that Diane let her husband know what she needs from him before sharing a story. If she only needs him to listen and support her emotionally, she should make that clear from the get go. If she would like both empathy and advice, then let that be known.  It will also be helpful for Diane to remember that her husband means well. He’s just being the man he is, and that is one who wants to fix the problem so she will be happy. He truly has her best interest at heart and if he misses the active listening part, it isn’t because he doesn’t care or thinks she can’t solve her own problems, it’s simply because that’s how he’s hard wired.

In regards to Bob, I suggest that he ask what Diane needs from him as she shares her frustration. Does she want advice or does she simply need to vent. I also suggest that he work on being an active listener first and problem solver second. Until his wife feels heard and validated, she won’t be very open to his advice and ideas anyways. Once she feels heard and has experienced am empathetic response, her emotional state will subside and her rational brain will be open to hearing your perspective and suggestions.

Whether you relate to Diane or Bob, I invite you to take a look at how you and your significant other communicate and implement the suggestions listed above. A warning—it is easier said than done. We all operate from our default position and it takes time and conscious effort to change patterns and automatic responses. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need some help. A few sessions may do the trick!

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you know struggles with communicating in their relationships, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...