What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

More Reviews

You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

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Entries in couples counseling (18)

Sunday
Jun052016

Got Conflict?

Most, if not all of the arguments you have with other people stem from one or both of you trying to get the following needs met:

  • You want to be understood and validated.
  • You want to be right.
  • You want to get your way.
  • It’s a simple as that.

There are four quick and simple steps that prevent arguments from continuing to go around in circles or escalate to mean and hurtful fights.

These are

  1. Seek understanding of the other person’s position first.
  2. Validate the other person’s feelings and thoughts first.
  3. Find out why it is important to other person that you believe them.
  4. Find out why it is important to the other person that they get what they want.

As hard as this may be to do when you feel passionate about your own needs, perspectives and feelings, do your best to put your needs on hold and focus on the other persons’ needs first. Doing so creates the space for your feelings, thoughts and needs to be heard next. Once both of you feel heard, understood and validated, it becomes much easier to find a solution that works for both of you.

Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you or someone you or someone you know is experiencing too much conflict with others, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Sunday
Feb072016

5 Tips to Help You Let Go of Your Anger

People get angry. Usually our anger passes. We get over it. We’ve either expressed our feelings, forgiven another, or thought it through and let it go. However, there are times when our anger doesn’t easily dissipate or we thought we let it go, only to discover that something has triggered the old anger once again.

I receive a lot of emails from spouses complaining that their other half is always angry—angry at them, angry at the world.

Here are some questions to ask yourself (or your significant other) when your anger doesn’t seem to go away or stay away very long.

  1. What resolution am I still waiting for--an apology, justice, a different outcome, agreement, or simply getting my way? Sometimes you just can’t get what you want. Having the grace to move forward in your life instead of getting trapped in a temper tantrum is what separates the victims from the victors. Which one do you want to be?
  2. Am I willing to accept that I may not get what I want? Am I able to let go and surrender to what is? Acceptance is the doorway to making powerful choices and creating the life you want.
  3. Can I forgive? Forgiveness is the antidote for anger. It brings you peace and allows you to move forward in your life with power.
  4. Can I choose to make a different choice and take a different action that will result in a different outcome? It may not be what I wanted in the first place but it is something I can live with.
  5. Can I settle into being with the unknown and letting things work out naturally? Sometimes the universe has a better plan in mind. When you’re patient and able to sit with the unknown, magical things begin to happen. Give it a try.  

So the next time you find yourself or your significant other stuck in their anger, take the time to see what you’re willing to consider. And if you choose to stay angry, then own it as a choice. There’s power in that as well.

If you or someone you know needs help in understanding what their anger is all about and letting it go, don’t hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today.

Be well,

Julie

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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Sunday
Jan032016

Make Sure Your Relationship does NOT Become Another Post-Holiday Statistic!

Did you know that the highest number of people filing for divorce or ending their relationship occurs each January? People often hold out until after the holidays before breaking up or filing for divorce. I don’t want this to happen to you!

If you find yourself getting ready to file for divorce or throw in the towel, you might want to wait until you’ve taken the time to really understand what is happening in your relationship. Make sure your relationship is truly un-fixable and not the victim of post-holiday disappointment and drama. It is definitely worth it to take one more look and see if there's any possibility to turn things around. 

To help you in this endeavor, I am offering The Pathway to Love program at a 20% discount for the month of January. So don’t wait and order your copy today!

The Pathway to Love at-home program is not about getting your partner to “do” anything or “be” a certain way. Without a deep and profound understanding of both your partner’s internal motivations and your own, all you’ll be doing is addressing the symptoms. The fight over one thing will become a fight over something else tomorrow. The contempt won’t really disappear. It’ll just get buried until the next time something triggers you or your partner. The only way to address the core of what’s really wrong is through discovering who both of you really are and what it is that each of you needs from your relationship.

I walk you step-by-step through this process, in the privacy and comfort of your own home! 

Here’s how it works:

The Pathway to Love book will teach you about all the challenges and opportunities in the four phases of a developing relationship, helping you identify which phase you’re in right now, and illustrating how couples evolve their relationships to greater levels of intimacy. 

The Pathway to Love Workbook will take you, step by step, through a series of questions and reflections that you can do on your own or with your loved one that will move you from your “stuck” state of conflict to resolution and understanding. You’ll have an opportunity to deeply explore your true fears and desires and to learn things about your partner you’ve never known before. You’ll feel your love and trust build with every exercise and question.

The Pathway to Love Audio Guide is a candid recording of real sessions with real clients as they work with me to move through their specific struggles. You’ll hear me advise a woman who is distraught over a boyfriend who stops returning calls, help a wife and mother decide whether to stay married after her husband had an affair, and offer guidance to a couple who can’t seem to agree on how much closeness and affection is enough. By listening to these real sessions, you’ll see The Pathway to Love program “in action” and be able to apply the core lessons to your own situation.

The Pathway to Love program will also enable you to:

  • Go from struggle, fighting and disappointment to feeling deeper love, deeper trust, and more security in your relationship
  • Explore the truth about yourself and your partner so you can fully accept yourself and your partner and stop feeling “triggered”
  • Redefine, reignite, and breathe new life into your relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together or how much distance you’re feeling now
  • Create the right conditions from which you and your partner can heal, grow, and transform

If you...

  • want to feel secure and loved in your relationship,
  • Have understanding and acceptance from your partner,
  • End the fighting and struggle so you can experience peace of mind,
  • And enjoy having your partner listen to and care about your needs,
  • So you can stop feeling so alone in your relationship…

Then The Pathway to Love will help you on the journey to transforming your relationship from one of struggle and pain to one of true intimacy and profound love.

Let me show you how to work through what you’re experiencing and get more love, more affection, and more understanding from your relationship. The key to your well-being and happiness lies in how well you are able to navigate the challenges and opportunities in love. Let me show you my unique, step-by-step method for transforming conflict into greater intimacy.

ORDER THE PROGRAM NOW And receive a 20% discount - download the PDFs and MP3 files, and be reading and listening within minutes! As a bonus, I’ll also mail you a regular hardcopy of both the book and workbook.  I’ll even include a download of my interview on Carol Allen’s Interview with Enlightening Experts as well as my live presentation on The Pathway to Love recorded during my talk at The Center for Spiritual Living.

Wishing you a year of profound love and transformation,

Julie

P.S. Here's what people are saying about The Pathway to Love program and how it changed their lives...

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

“The Pathway to Love, for those who did not experience love as a child and fear relationships, is a journey of self-discovery.  You will acquire a whole new appreciation for who you are and what you can bring to your relationship with yourself and others. Orlov demonstrates not only how we affect and create our relationship with ourselves and others but how they can affect us in return on the creative journey of self-discovery and self-love.”

— Bernie Siegel, M.D., author of 365 Prescriptions For The Soul and 101 Exercises For The Soul

“A mercifully easy read, when love certainly isn’t, the book describes the ‘Four Phases of Love.’  Assessing at which level of development sample relationships are floundering, Dr. Orlov shows us the keys to the next door to intimacy with the encouragement that self-discovery will be the ultimate prize.”

—Melanie Chartoff, Actress, Writer

“A little book with a gigantic message... The Pathway to Love is an outstanding guide to building strong and intimate relationships in your life. I give this book a hearty cheer and found it not only informative but very enjoyable.”

—Rhonda Kendle, Spokane, WA

“You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.”

—Irene Conlan, Ph.D.

Julie is a great communicator and facilitator. I am still amazed at how her program, The Pathway to Love, is impacting my life on a daily basis. Her approach to understanding and improving relationships is easy to implement and I noticed results from the very first time I used some of the tools – and I’m just beginning the process. Thank you, from one Julie to another – I am now confident that I can have a better relationship with my husband, and I am grateful!

  –Julie Jennings, Partner, Shirlaws

“Knowing is not doing! This workbook is your path to actually doing what Julie teaches. Like any great guide, the workbook takes your hand and shows you the step-by-step, self-discovery process to reach your relationship destination. I encourage you to start your journey today.”

—Dave Jensen, Executive Coach and Educator, DaveJensenOnLeadership.com

ORDER THE PROGRAM NOW 

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Sunday
Aug162015

Quote for the Week!

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

Look at the person you love, the person in the mirror, the stranger on the subway. Look into their eyes and know that there is light within the shadow and shadows beyond the light. Embracing all of who we are is The Pathway to Love

Make this week a journey of self-discovery. Make this week a practice of acceptance. Make this week a commitment to understanding.

Be well,

Julie

P.S. If you would like more information on how to create the relationship you want, visit The Pathway to Love.  If you’d like more information on how to create the life you choose and work with me personally, please contact me directly at julie@julieorlov.com or call 310-379-5855 to schedule a session.

Get the support you deserve. Get the help your relationship wants.

As always, I'm here to support you in creating strong and intimate relationships in every area of your life!

About me: www.julieorlov.com/about

About The Pathway to Love at-home program: www.julieorlov.com/pathway-to-love

About your relationship: Get your Free Relationship Assessment Quiz at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Click to read more ...

Saturday
May022015

5 Ways to Get Your Power Back and End Emotional Abuse

If you've ever been in a controlling relationship, you know how easy it is to get caught in its web.

It usually starts out with a simple suggestion like, "Do you think that outfit is the best you can do for the banquet tonight?" or "I think you're better off ordering the salad," or "You should get a real job and stop all that nonsense about making it as an artist."

At first, you take the suggestions as a reflection of love and concern. After all, the comments are not that far off base, and you certainly don't want to appear unappreciative or defensive.

At this stage of the relationship, you want to please your mate, not alienate him or her. It's more important to appear receptive and understanding of your partner's opinions than to challenge them. You don't consider what he's doing emotional abuse.

Some time goes by. You now notice that your significant other's opinions of you continue to be critical. Only now, there is an emotional undertone that suggests if you don't abide by his opinion, he will be angry, punitive and emotionally manipulative. The scariest times come when you believe the threats of rejection and abandonment.

The cycle has repeated itself in such a way that somehow, you've become sucked in and are believing the rhetoric. Or, at the very least, you've been trying to manage the critical outbursts.

You're now so consumed with keeping your partner's emotional judgments at bay that you have trouble considering if the demands have crossed over into an abusive and inappropriate arena. Your judgment is clouded.

You continue to ask yourself, Is it me or him? You feel anxious around him, believing that somehow you can make things right again; you want to feel the love you did when the two of you first got together.

Deep down, your biggest fear is that his opinions of you are right ... that there really is something wrong with you, and you just may not be lovable the way you are.

The bad news? You are now caught in the web. The good news? There is a way out. It is so important to understand what control is really all about. Let me show you the way.

Here's what controlling behaviors are really all about:

  • His own sense of helplessness and powerlessness.
  • Getting someone else (like you) to make him feel OK.
  • Wanting to hand-off his own anxieties so he doesn't have to deal with them himself.
  • Ensuring that you will never abandon or reject him/
  • Projecting his deepest fears of being inadequate and unlovable.

Note: His controlling behaviors are never about you.

Here are five steps to getting out from under his control:

1. Get your power back.
The quickest way to do this is to be willing to walk away from the relationship if need be. This enables you to move forward with the next steps from a place of power, not a place of fear.

2. Set limits on his criticism and emotional outbursts. 
Let your partner know that you are open to hearing his concerns about your actions and how they affect him, but will no longer engage in conversations that attack who you are as a person.

3. Consider your partner's concerns.
What are you willing to do for him? What is completely off the table? Make sure you align these requests with your personal well-being and integrity. Don't agree to do things simply in order to keep the peace or save the relationship, especially if deep down you know it isn't right for you.

4. Be clear and honest with yourself first, then your partner.
Consider your values, goals and needs. Make sure your decisions are in alignment with your highest self, needs and all. Let him know what you can and can't do for him. Whatever you do, do not be intimidated. Have a powerful "no" and make it clear that he will need to accept the "no." If he can't, then it may be best for the two of you to part ways.

5. Find people and experiences that celebrate who you are.
Find ways to reconnect with the powerful person you truly are, i.e. someone that would never tolerate being treated in such a manner. Engage and connect with other people that support and love you for exactly who you are.

At the end of the day, only you can decide if his controlling behavior is something you are willing to live with or not. Relationships should be something that supports your growth, not something that diminishes it.

Love celebrates who you are; it does not put you down. You deserve to have a powerful and loving relationship. So start with yourself. Love yourself enough to take the first step in reclaiming you.

If you or someone you know struggles with emotional abuse in their relationships, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here to help. I provide personalized counseling and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

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