What are people saying about The Pathway to Love:

“Insightful, practical, heartfully and psychologically sound, The Pathway to Love provides the steppingstones to creating genuine love in your life.  It is a must-read for those who value honesty, authentic commitment to self and other, and appreciate relationship as a vehicle to self-actualization.”

—Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Spiritual Liberation~Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential

 

More Reviews

You will wonder at times how she knew about you and a particular significant other because she seems to describe you and the relationship to a T. And, when you read the last page you will wish you had read it years and a number of relationships earlier.

Irene Conlan

I have read other books on this topic which spoke to me... This book, which I got in the Kindle version, pulled it all together for me--the biology, personal values, self identity, the human quest for belonging and intimacy. The book... brought to me great understanding. I wish I had ordered the paper version with the workbook. I ended up going back and ordering it.

Paula Markgraf Katz

Join the Conversation:

  

Blog Index
The journal that this archive was targeting has been deleted. Please update your configuration.
« Love and Relationship Q&A with Julie Orlov - How Do I Handle Co-Parenting with My Ex? | Main | How to Deal with Anger »
Sunday
Aug042013

5 Words That Will Ruin Your Marriage

Here's another article I published on YourTango a couple of months ago. It received thousands and thousands of hits and was syndicated on many other well-known sites. This article addresses what specific words to avoid during arguments and discussions as well as what specifically you can say and ask instead. This one is another must read!

Words are powerful. They can cut you, heal you, inspire you, and stop you. Learning the language of marriage takes time and due diligence. Here are 5 words that are destined to cause damage to your marriage. Say them regularly and the damage may be irreparable.

  1. Never – Never implies a sense of hopelessness and finality. When you use never, you tell your spouse that they are no good, never will be any good, and there is no hope for change. It is an all or nothing phrase that does not lend itself to listening, compromising, and creating good will.
  2. Always – Always implies a sense of rigidity and righteousness. When you use always, you tell your spouse that they are wrong, you are right, and there’s nothing else that can be done about it. It is also an all or nothing phrase that does not lend itself to understanding, learning, and healing.
  3. But – But implies a sense of manipulation and lack of integrity. When you use but, you negate whatever was said before. It invalidates your message and turns a positive into a negative. It is a conjunction that does not lend itself to building trust, credibility, and intimacy.(Other words that are similar to but include however, although, and _____)
  4. *#%& - use your imagination and fill in the blank and what you’re left with is a vulgar attack using obscenities. Any way you look at it, attacking your spouse by name calling will cause irreparable damage. Doing this regularly, will surely destroy your spouse’s soul and kill the marriage. Outright contempt has no place in a marriage.
  5. Divorce - threatening to divorce, suggesting divorce as an option, or accusing your spouse of destroying the marriage will lead to just that. Divorce is a very serious decision and using it as a weapon or method of control creates anxiety and despair. It is not conducive for effective communication, conflict resolution, problem solving, and intimacy.

Take the time to think about the impact of your words before you speak to your spouse. Consider what you want to create from the communication. Create a powerful and loving intention rather than one that is meant to hurt, control, scare, or push away the person you love. Find words that are conducive to creating intimacy. These might include phrases like

  • I notice that when I _______________, you react by _______________.
  • When you do_______________, I feel ___________________.
  • It would mean a lot to me if you would _____________________ because when you do, I feel ___________.
  • I want our marriage to feel good to both of us. How can we approach things in a way that makes us both feel heard, appreciated, accepted, and love?

Learning new ways of communicating and relating to each other is not easy. Couples get trapped into certain ways of relating that were established early on in the relationship. If you or someone you know needs help in learning how to communicate effectively and lovingly, please contact me. I am here to provide personalized guidance and coaching. And if you want to start right now, go and purchase The Pathway to Love at-home program. You don’t need to wait. You can begin the process today. Take advantage of the opportunity receive the support and guidance you deserve. 

As always, I’m here to support you in creating a transformational life and strong and powerful relationships.

Be well,

Julie

Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery

Retrieve Your FREE Relationship Assessment Quiz and see if YOUR Relationship is on track at www.julieorlov.com/quiz

Create Relationships in Your Life That Work — learn more at www.julieorlov.com

References (4)

References allow you to track sources for this article, as well as articles that were written in response to this article.
  • Response
    Football is truly 1 of the greatest sports in America. It has a important following.
  • Response
    NFL is actually one particular of the greatest sports in America. It has a main following.
  • Response
    julieorlov - Couples In Trouble - 5 Words That Will Ruin Your Marriage
  • Response
    Response: Sex tips
    julieorlov - Couples In Trouble - 5 Words That Will Ruin Your Marriage

Reader Comments

There are no comments for this journal entry. To create a new comment, use the form below.

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>